Changing Perceptions
by AlmondJoyz
Summary: How exactly did James and Lily get together in their seventh year?
1. LettersLily

Changing Perceptions

_A James and Lily Fan-Fiction_

Part One--Lily

I heard Petunia screech at whatever had just hit the window. Instinctively, I knew it was an owl, but from whom, I could not guess. Mary was still on holiday; Pamela wrote me the other day. And, of course, Severus wouldn't have written to me at all. Even though it had been over a year since we had our falling out, it still hurt that my friend, the first magical person I had ever met, considered me beneath him, when he was not much better than I, as far as blood status went. I sighed heavily and continued reading my book, waiting for my horse-faced sister to bring me whatever message the owl had brought.

I didn't have to wait long. She barged into my room and flung an envelope at me, just missing me. I looked down and didn't recognize the writing.

"Some stupid owl brought that for you," she huffed brusquely as she turned around and exited my room.

"Thanks," I said to the empty room.

I picked up the letter from the floor and tore open the flap, unfolding the white parchment inside. I scanned to the end and gasped when I saw who it was from.

James.

Why the bloody hell is he writing to me? I wondered and considered chucking the damn thing in the bin. But part of me was so bored this summer that I began to read.

_Lily—_

_How's your holiday? I hope you're doing well. You've probably got all your homework done already, don't you?_

I chuckled. I did.

_Y__ou're most likely wondering why I'm writing to you and if you actually are reading this, then curiosity must have got the best of you. Well, it's a long story._

_Sirius __came down with Dragon Pox, something he got from Maggie Baker. Poor bloke is in quarantine in the guest house. Mum and Dad have had it, so they go visit him. But I have to stay away from my best friend because I haven't had the __bloody__ pox yet. I argued until I was blue in the face, but then Mum started bawling, and so here I am, without anyone my age to talk to. He does send me messages about every hour or so. He's bored out of his skull, too. Can't blame him._

_Remus __is away in Ireland with his parents. His grandmother __ passed a few days ago. He was pretty close to her and I think he's taking it pretty hard._

_Peter __isn't much fun these days. He's been moody and acting strange for the past couple weeks. I can't get a straight answer out of him and really don't feel like trying to figure out what's going on with him._

_So, here I am writing to you, trying to figure out what to say to you. And to see if I can actually get it out._

_Okay, here goes._

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry for acting like a prat ever since I met you. I'm sorry for annoying you and bothering you every second. It's just that I really think you're pretty and smart and witty, and I just want to get to know you better, that's all. I'll understand if you never want to talk to me again._

_Anyway, I really do hope your summer is going well._

_James_

Instead of crumpling up the letter like I would have last summer had he sent this, I reread it and noticed that his normal cocky attitude was missing. He was also careful not to swear in his writing, which was really the most interesting part of the letter.

"Has he grown up?" I asked Persephone, my silver cat, who was sunbathing on the quilt at the foot of my bed. She didn't bother to respond. But inside, I think I knew what the answer was.

Over the next fortnight, James and I exchanged letters, and I found myself looking forward to my sister bellowing out for me. The letters he wrote began to contain more and more personal information, making me wonder if he had some sort of ulterior motive in writing to me other than to relieve his boredom.

The fourth letter I received from him was more personal than the others, and I think it was the one that made the first chink in the armour I'd donned to defend myself from James Potter.

_Lily--_

_I've realized something about myself. I'm an idiot. You've probably known that for a long time now. And here I thought I was smart. _

_So, yeah, I'm an idiot. A pompous, self-righteous git._

_I don't want to be like my parents, Lily. They've got their noses stuck up their arses at times and think they are Merlin's gift to the world. I thought that for a long time, too. I thought that just because I was a Pureblood and rich that the world owed me respect. Sirius did for a while, too, until his mother blew a gasket and he ran away. He tried to get me to change my ideas for a while, and now I know he was right. I'm not better than anyone else._

_I don't know if you get the_ Prophet_, but that's what sparked it all._

_My father really made me mad this morning. He was reading the paper and began grumbling about something he'd read. I asked him what it was and he told me about this article talking about more respectful treatment of werewolves and their parents, something he always talked about. Anyway, Dad began spewing about how werewolves are a disgrace to wizard kind and that they should all be killed as soon as they were bitten and the parents who "allowed" their children to be contaminated should be stripped of their wands. _

_I was so angry with him that I asked him what he'd do if I was ever bitten. I said, "Would you kill me, too?" The bastard looked at me, gathered his thoughts, and said, "We're too good to get involved with that dirty kind of wizard." _

_Yes, he said that. I'm not making it up._

_How could my father say something like that? How could he believe something so horrible and narrow-minded? I always looked up to him, always thought he was the best man in the world. I mean, they gave me everything I ever wanted when I was growing up, but I knew I couldn't end up like that—thinking that people were disposable like that, based on certain circumstances in their lives. It's just not right._

_You probably don't believe any of this, and frankly, I don't blame you. But it's true. I don't like what I had become and don't want to turn into my father._

_Sorry this has been such a depressing letter, Lily, but I really wanted to tell you. Sirius says I'm maturing. Yeah, right._

_Later,_

_James_

After I finished that letter, I had to stop and wipe tears from my eyes, crying for more than one reason. First off, I was shocked to hear that James' father held those sorts of idiotic beliefs about people, whether they were considered 'normal' or not. Second, I was taken aback by how passionately James felt about something like that. I had never met a werewolf, therefore can't really say whether they deserved to be treated as other wizards. But, surely, they couldn't all be bad, right? And finally, I shocked myself by seeing him as a person.

After years of thinking of him as nothing but an irritating fly, I began to think of James as a friend, a friend I should have had for years. I now understood the reason for his swagger and his attitude; he was only living the way he was raised. But somehow, the idea that he trusted me with this information made me realize that perhaps there was more to him than I once thought.

* * *

"And he told you that?" asked Mary McDonald.

Mary had come over the day after I received the letter from James, and I had to tell her. She was my best girlfriend, after all. How could I not tell her?

"Yeah. I can't imagine how he felt hearing that." I threw the magazine I had been looking at on the floor next to Mary and hung my head over the edge of my bed to look at the floor. "But is it true? Are his parents really like that?"

Mary, like James, was Pureblood, and her family ran in the same circles as his. Actually, she had dated him for a short time back in our third year.

She bit her lower lip and looked directly at me, nodding her head imperceptibly.

"They are. His mum's not as bad as his dad, though," she said offhandedly. "My dad doesn't much care for Mr. Potter, Cornelius. He's old, I mean moth ball old, Lil."

"You're kidding! I thought they were my parents' age," I told her as I began chewing on the fingernail of my thumb.

"Nope. I think his dad's like a hundred and ten—"

"No!" I slid off the bed onto the floor next to her on the floor.

Mary swallowed the water she had in her mouth and picked up one of the magazines from the pile.

"Lily, not all wizards settle down right out of school," she pointed out.

"I know that. Obviously they got married real late in life."

"Well," she began, thumbing through the copy of Vogue, "Thora, his mum, was a Healer at St. Mungo's for ages. She was in Nana's class at Hogwarts and they were pretty good friends. They'd get together once a week for tea until Nana died. Anyway, when Thora retired from the hospital, she met Cornelius, who was some sort of benefactor for the hospital or something like that. Oooh! Look at that!"

She held up a photo of a model wearing a miniskirt with patent leather white boots. I pushed the magazine aside, wanting to continue our conversation.

"Mary, come on, finish this," I chastised.

She let out a huff. "Didn't know you cared," she teased.

I knew her well enough to know what she was thinking. And if I were really honest with both of us, I'd admit that I was actually beginning to care about him and perhaps, even as more than just a friend.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I reminded her, "Weren't you supposed to be telling me something?"

"I know what's going on in that head of yours, Evans, and it's about time, too," she stated, barely hiding the smirk forming in the corners of her mouth. "He's been slobbering after you for years and I see how your looks get longer and longer. I've seen the way you stare at him when he's not looking."

My cheeks grew warm.

"I do not!"

"You do, too!" she said with a giggle. "I've watched you staring across the common room at him for almost two years, Lil, ever since you and Sev—"

"Don't!" I held up my hands in an attempt to halt her speech. I hated it whenever his name was brought up; his betrayal and self-righteous attitude made my stomach burn.

"Sorry, Lily, really I am." She scooted over on the floor next to me and looked at me sideways. "So, get out that stash of hashish you were telling me about."

* * *

Two days after Mary visited, I was sitting in the back garden, drinking a glass of iced tea when I heard the phone ring inside the house. I didn't think too much of it, as it was most likely Petunia's whale of a fiancé. I hated Vernon, the blow hard, and I had a deep-seeded feeling that he would change my sister into more of a bigot than she already was. It was just a feeling, and I hoped I was wrong.

"LILY!!" came Petunia's voice from the kitchen. "PHONE call!"

I groaned. I knew that particular tone of voice. She was most likely expecting it to be Vernon and the fact that someone was calling for me simply added to her irritation. Still grasping my glass, I got off my chair and walked into the kitchen, enjoying the feel of the grass on my feet.

"Here. It's a boy," she said through gritted teeth. "Don't take too long. I'm expecting a call. From _Vernon_." The tone of her voice as she said his name nearly made me throw up.

"Thanks." I stared at her as she just stood there. "Er, can I have a moment?"

She huffed her answer and turned around, leaving me alone in the kitchen.

"This is Lily."

"Hey, Evans."

It was James. Somehow, I felt a bit of a thrill in the pit of my stomach.

"James? What are you calling me for?" I sat down at the small phone desk and stretched out my legs onto a chair.

"A bloke can't call without it being a prearranged time?" There was laughter in his voice.

I chuckled at his comment. I'd told him in a letter that Vernon and Petunia spoke on the phone at predetermined times of the day. We both thought it was rather amusing.

"Well, I'll let it slide this time."

He laughed.

"Good, because I don't know how long this pay phone will let me talk."

"You're in a phone box? Where are you?"

"Outside the Leaky."

"You're in London?"

"You alright there, Evans? 'Cause I always thought you knew that the Leaky was in London. Where else would I be phoning from?"

"Sorry. So what are you doing in the city?"

Usually, when I was on the phone with a boy, I was confident and full of witty conversation. But James made me…silly. The butterflies inside my stomach hadn't settled down at all and in fact, I think they'd even changed to miniature hippogriffs, fighting their way to get free. I took a deep breath to calm myself down.

"Well, I got my Hogwarts letter yesterday and wanted to get my stuff early."

"Oh. I see."

Why was I disappointed that he didn't come to London specifically to see me? Why did my heart feel as if it had been stabbed?

"You alright, Lily?" His voice was full of concern, and it eased the constriction around my heart. There were very few times where he actually said my name, and to hear it over the phone was thrilling. Dear God, what was happening to me?

"Er, yeah. Sure."

"You don't sound alright. Is something wrong?"

I was speechless. He cared.

"No. Sorry about that."

"'s okay. So you get your letter yet?" He sounded excited about something.

"Well, yes. Yesterday morning."

I was named Head Girl, and Mum and Dad were thrilled, and we went out to a fantastic place for dinner to celebrate. Petunia was not in a celebratory mood.

"You're Head Girl, aren't you?" I could almost picture the smirk on his face and the way his lips parted to show off his well-maintained teeth.

"Yeah." I blushed.

"Well, congratulations. Always knew you would be."

"Thanks." My face heated again.

"Aren't you going to ask about me?"

Oh, he's a cheeky bugger.

"I'm just surprised that you advanced to seventh-year," I teased.

"Oh, Lily, you wound me."

He said my name again. Even though he was teasing me, the sound of my name from his lips sent my heart aflutter. I had to shake my head to rid myself of those sorts of ideas. This was James Potter, after all.

"Okay, fine. You're Quidditch captain, aren't you?" He was livid when McGonagall didn't name him captain last year. From the tone of his voice, I knew he had something to share, and this was the only thing I could think of.

"Alas, that is but a fading dream." He sighed heavily.

"What? You're kidding!"

"Nope. Not captain this year."

"So then, what's got you in such a good mood?"

Suddenly, it struck me as to what could be making him so happy. It couldn't be, could it? I mean, he never really buckled down in regards to his schoolwork like Remus did. But then, he had a lot of natural ability and had an uncanny knack for picking up on things quickly.

"Think, Lily." Somehow, I knew he was smiling.

"Head Boy?" I whispered.

"One and only."

Thoughts of James and I spending hours together, planning prefect meetings, making duty timetables, attending meetings with the headmaster, suddenly flooded my brain. A year ago, I would have loathed the idea of having to spend so much time with him. But instead of dread, I felt…excited. Happy, even.

"Congratulations!" I squealed at him.

"Well, that's a better reception than I could have hoped for."

"You must have really worked hard last year."

"Yeah. Finally decided that if I wanted to make something of myself, I'd better buckle down. Appears to have paid off."

"In spades, I'd say. That's excellent!"

"Really? Are you being honest?" He sounded suddenly very serious. "I mean, we'll be spending a lot of time together with meetings and all. I don't want to go through the year with you hating me."

That was a shock.

"I…I don't hate you, James."

"So the last six years was merely foreplay?"

"N—no! I mean, I never—_hated_ you." Why was I feeling this way? Why was James making me feel like a little lovestru—

What? What the bloody hell am I thinking?

"Well, seemed that way to me." He sounded hurt and knowing that I was responsible for that hurt tore me to the quick.

"You were just…annoying."

"That's putting it mildly. Really, it's okay to say you hate me."

"That's not true! I don't hate you, James. Honest. I didn't know you all that well and now…and now, I—"

"Do?" His voice was just above a whisper.

"Yes," I whispered back. "I enjoy getting your letters. You—you've shared so much with me."

"Wish I'd done it years ago."

I felt myself blush yet again.

"Me, too." There was silence on the other end and for a moment, I thought he'd hung up. "James? James, are you still there?"

"Yeah. I am." I could imagine the feel of his breath against my neck and I shivered.

"Good." Again, there was silence on the line.

"LilydowannameetmeinDiagonAlleytoday?" I'd never heard James sound so nervous about something. Or, perhaps, excited.

Without thinking, I grinned broadly.

"Yes, of course," I answered quickly.

"Brilliant! When can you get here?"

I had to laugh.

"A bit excited, are we?"

"Oh…sorry."

"It's fine. Uh, I can probably be there in half an hour."

"Okay. We could, er, get our school stuff."

"Sure."

My heartbeat sped up in anticipation. I don't know what possessed me to actually become excited over seeing James Potter again, but for the moment, I didn't question myself.


	2. LettersJames

Changing Perceptions

_A James and Lily Fan-Fiction_

Part One--James

Damn him for getting sick! Damn Nana Lupin for dying! Damn Wormtail for being such a prat!

What the hell was I supposed to do now? My friends were utterly pissing me off. Although most of it was through no fault of their own. Okay, Sirius didn't have to be shagging Maggie Baker two days before she broke out with Dragon Pox and then come down with it just yesterday. And Moony really couldn't plan on his grandmother dying, either. But Wormtail, he was just an arse. A whiny, stand-offish arse to be exact.

I don't know what I'm going to do for the next three weeks until Sirius gets better. Mum and Dad have forbade me to go see him. I think Mum's exact words were, 'James, dear, we can't have you coming down with it as well. You're too precious for me to see you ill.' And then she went and put up quarantine charms that she used at St. Mungo's and only she and Dad were able to get through. Not even the house-elves could get in there. Sirius couldn't open the windows or use the fireplace, but fresh air was circulated into the guest house for him. I already knew that passing notes through my parents would lose its charm after two days.

Merlin knows why I suddenly felt the urge to write the letter, but I soon found myself hunched over my desk, quill in hand, writing to Lily Evans. I'd thought a lot about her the last few weeks since school let out for the summer holidays. I've been in love with her for what seems like forever, but she's shot me down every time I ever asked her out. Then the other day, I just realized, out of the blue, that perhaps a change in tactics was necessary. Or it could be that the idea that I'd be leaving school next June and it was time to grow up. It was probably a little of both.

After I sent my owl, Broadmoor, I almost called him back. I was nervous and couldn't believe I'd said what I did in that letter. But it was too late, and soon he was a dot in the distant sky. Maybe she was on holiday somewhere.

The next day, I had fallen asleep in the back garden on a chaise lounge. The combination of loneliness and boredom was slowly killing me, so, with nothing better to do, I dozed off until something began poking at my shirt collar. I immediately shot up to find a strange owl sitting on my chest.

"What the hell?"

The owl didn't move and merely tilted its head to the side, blinking repeatedly at me. It was then that I noted that the owl held an envelope in its beak. I reached out and took the letter; the owl immediately flew off into the blue sky.

I looked at the handwriting on the front of the envelope and felt a shiver run up my back. I never thought I'd see this writing on an owl addressed to me. It was from Lily. In my eagerness, I ripped open the envelope, tossing it aside onto the grass, and began to read.

_Dear James,_

_I'm sorry to hear that the holidays are not going well for you. I'm sure that neither Sirius nor Remus planned on those things happening. And as for Peter, well, I always thought he was the weakest link in your little group. But that's really none of my business._

_I did finish my homework last week, in fact. I was really surprised that you know me so well._

How could I not know her that well? I've studied her for over five years and know every nuance and habit of Lily Evans.

_Mary MacDonald is in Spain until next week with her family. Oh, how I wish I was there. My sister is a nutter and driving me insane. You know how much she hates the fact that I'm a witch and she never lets me forget her opinions. And her fiancé…don't get me started on him. He's close to four hundred pounds and she thinks he's the sexiest man on earth. Merlin, I don't even want to think about __her having sex with him._

_Pamela Monahan has written to me a few times already. She's helping her sister with her new baby and hasn't been able to come to London much. So in a way, I'm having a rather dull summer as well._

_And despite what you think, I don't hate you, James. And as far as your apology, I do accept it and I'm glad to hear that you're growing up. Juvenile behaviour doesn't suit someone like you. And one piece of advice, if I may? Just because you're handsome, doesn't mean that you have to flaunt it._

_Sincerely, _

_Lily_

She thinks I'm handsome!

* * *

It was a Thursday morning when everything changed. A normal, ordinary day when my life turned upside down and I began to doubt everything I was raised to believe. I had just gone down for breakfast to see my father grumbling behind the _Daily Prophet_. He hadn't touched his morning tea, so I knew he was upset about something.

"Hey, Dad," I said as I sat down in my customary spot, grabbing a piece of toast. "What's new this morning?"

I really didn't expect him to answer me; he usually didn't on mornings such as these.

"Bloody liberals! They're out to destroy the world!" he growled at me, shoving the paper to me. "Read that!"

I looked to where his finger was pointing and saw the headline: 'New Werewolf Legislation Proposed.' I smiled to myself and scanned the article, knowing that Remus would love it if this passed.

"Yeah, so? What's wrong with that?" I asked him, seeing his face change to one that contained anger and disgust.

"What's wrong with that? They want to stain the wizard world with this bloody shite! If they give those monsters rights, what's next? Centaurs?" He visibly shivered. "What they should do with them is kill them all! Kill them all as soon as they're bit, that's what I say!"

My mouth dropped. I couldn't believe that those words were actually coming out of my father's mouth.

"And the parents! How _dare_ they let that happen to their children! They should have their wands broken and be cast out on their rear ends," he bellowed.

"And what about me, Dad? What if that happened to me? Would you kill me, too?" Anger bubbled up inside me and I wanted to throttle the bastard.

He scoffed, as if my suggestion was too ludicrous to think of. "James, James, James," he began in that stupid patronizing tone of his. "My dear boy, we are simply too good to get involved with dirt like that." With a shuffle of his hands, he disappeared behind his newspaper once again.

I wanted to scream at him, tell him that he's had a werewolf in his house, that a werewolf is one of my best friends, and that I'm actually with him when he's transformed. The old codger would have a heart attack if he knew and at the moment, I really wouldn't care. But I couldn't expose Remus that way; it was his secret to tell or hide, not mine.

So I did the only thing I could do and stormed out of the house, not bothering to acknowledge my mother, who was heading to the guest house to tend to Sirius. I grabbed my broom from the shed and kicked off, my face burning with unshed tears and more shame than I had ever felt in my life.

As I flew through the clouds, higher than I knew I should, all I could think of was the stupid, pathetic, shallow ideals my parents had. I knew they thought Purebloods like us were better than others, but until this morning at the breakfast table, I never knew how much it could hurt someone. Thinking that my father would rather Remus be dead than live the life he so deserved made my stomach churn, almost forcing my meagre breakfast up and out of my throat.

I stopped on top of a tree and cast a Disillusionment Charm. I didn't want to be found and if I could, I'd stay up in that tree all day. It was then that I gave up fighting and began to cry. I cried for Remus, the most loyal and kind person I'd ever known. I cried for Sirius because he was right all along about the ideals of his family, and ultimately, mine. But mostly, I cried for myself for allowing my privilege and position in life dictate what I was supposed to think and do.

I needed to break away and make my own mark, away from the Potter name. The only way I could do that was through school and a career that would make a difference somehow, a career that would ensure that every one with magical ability was treated fairly and equally. What it was, I didn't know yet. But it had to be out there, somewhere, and I was bound and determined to figure it out.

After staying in the tree for nearly an hour, I flew back home, still under the charm. Dad wouldn't really have noticed I was gone. His sight was failing and his mind wasn't as sharp as it once was. Mum, on the other hand, was a worrier. Ever since Sirius got sick, she'd been trying to keep tabs on me, telling me she didn't want her precious boy to get sick or hurt. I love my mum, who's really more the age of everyone else's grandmother, but I think her mind is stuck in 1950, when she and Dad got married, and that scares me. My parents are slipping away, right before my eyes, and I have no idea what I feel about it.

Once I got home, I scampered up to my room, pulled out some parchment and a pen, a Muggle pen that Remus picked up for me, and began pouring my heart out to Lily. I don't know why I chose to tell her all this, but she seemed like the only person who might understand. All my other friends were too close to the situation to offer any unbiased opinions. Besides, over the past few days, she and I had shared more in letters than we ever had in six years at Hogwarts.

When I first started writing to her, I thought that maybe I could change her mind and convince her to go out with me. But now, after getting to know her, I really wanted her to be my friend, someone I could be myself with and not have to worry about keeping up appearances or maintaining a reputation I no longer want. I still fancied her like mad, there was no doubt about that, but I wanted the whole package. I wanted to know the woman inside the gorgeous girl.

I watched Broadmoor, my screech owl, fly off toward Lily's house with my heart feeling a bit better. Even if things never worked out between us, romantically that is, I knew that I'd always be able to tell her anything.

* * *

"You told her before you told me? What the bloody hell's going on with you, Prongs?" Sirius asked me incredulously. He was cleared by Mum earlier that morning and we sat on the floor of my room, reading dirty magazines.

"You were sick, remember?"

He gave me a look that said 'Screw you,' and I laughed at him.

"Moony's been in Ireland all summer and Wormtail's—"

"An arse. I know, I know. But come on, James, why didn't you just come and tell me. I'm supposed to be your best friend," he said bitterly.

"You are! Hell, you're like my brother, Sirius! But I had to tell someone who was outside the situation---someone who wasn't involved." I jumped up and ran my hands through my hair and swore. Why couldn't he understand? Why was he being so bloody stubborn?

"James, you're not…you're not seeing her, are you?"

I looked up at him and was shocked by the look of abandonment I saw on his face.

"No! I fancy her loads, you know that, but she…I think she's more my friend right now." I tried to sound okay with it, but part of me was a bit—disappointed.

"Well, it's not as if you hadn't tried, Prongs. I mean, six years is a long time to pine after her, you know."

"What are you doing?" I couldn't believe I heard those words coming from his mouth. "You were the one who kept telling me to keep going after her. You told me—"

"I know what I told you!" he sneered. "Most of it was to make Snivellus feel like shit. That piece of crap—"

I threw up my hands. "Just stop it, Sirius! I don't care what the bloody—"

"BOYS! Hogwarts letters!" came my mother's voice from the bottom of the stairs, effectively cutting off my argument with Sirius. The two of us sprung from our places on the floor and thundered down the stairs to where mum beamed at us, extending her hands out to us. "I can't believe it's your final year." She began to sob.

"Mum Potter, please stop. You're going to make me cry," Sirius said dramatically. "I can't believe I'll be leaving that fine educational institution in a few months." He faked a sob and grasped his letter lovingly in his hand and crumpled to the floor, ripping the envelope open.

"Oh you! Can't an old woman express her emotions?" Mum sniffed out between tears.

"Well, go express them over there with the Golden Boy," he answered with a chuckle. "It's just the same old letter. Blah, blah…supplies, blah, blah, blah…ticket for the first."

I hadn't heard what Sirius was on about, as I hadn't read past the second sentence of the letter. 'Congratulations on being named Head Boy for the class of 1978.' Me? Head Boy?

"Blimey," I muttered to no one in particular.

"What is it, dear?" Mum asked, placing her head on my shoulder. "Something wrong?"

"McGonagall expelled you, didn't she?" Sirius asked from his place on the floor.

"N—no…I'm…I…Head Boy." I looked up and beamed at my mother. Her eyes widened and fresh tears poured out from her eyes.

"Oh, Jimmy-Jam!"

My good humour quickly disappeared upon hearing my baby name, something she hadn't called me since I was five. I looked over at Sirius, who was now rolling on the floor with laughter and any retort I was prepared to give him was swallowed up by my mother as she buried me within her arms. Her head rested on my chest and she was mumbling something about being proud of me and something else about Dad. I looked over her grey hair and glared at my friend, who was now gasping for breath.

"Ji—Jimmy-Jam! Oh bloody hell, I am not going to forget that one!" Sirius burst out in laughter yet again and I managed to pull myself out of my mother's clutches, jumping on him and trying to throttle the blasted smile off his gleeful face. I managed a couple soft punches to his stomach and pinned him down on the floor with my wand pointed at his face when my father's bellow interrupted me.

"JAMES HAROLD MARCUS ANTHONY DELPHINIUM POTTER!"

Never before have I wished for a black hole to swallow me up. Not only had Mum called me Jimmy-Jam in front of Sirius, but my father used all five of my names, including Delphinium. I hate that name with a passion.

"Del_phin_ium! Oh Merlin, Prongs, why didn't you ever tell me?" He shoved me off him and shuffled up to his feet and straightened his clothes as he stood next to my father. "Sorry, Pa Potter," he said as he ruffled Dad's hair and kissed his cheek. "But Jimmy-Jam here was just named Head Boy. I couldn't resist giving him a bit of a ribbing about it."

"It's true, Corney!" Mum squealed. "He's Head Boy! Our little Jimmy-Jam is top of his class! Isn't it marvellous?"

I rolled my eyes and braced myself for the onslaught I knew I'd receive from my father. And, true to form, he spewed on about good breeding and my superior intelligence, which sent Sirius into yet another tailspin. This was going to be a long day.

Fortunately for me, Sirius was distracted later in the day by an owl he received from his Uncle Alphard. He was unusually quiet as he read it in the sitting room and a smile crept up in the corners of his mouth. Without warning, he sprung up from his seat, whooping and hollering.

"Merlin's beard, Prongs! Look at this!" He shoved the letter into my hands and I looked over the letter with anxious eyes.

_Dear Sirius—_

_I am sorely remiss for not doing this sooner, but I have a gift for you that I should have given you last year when you left home. Please meet me at Gringotts tomorrow at 11am sharp. This is probably going to be something that makes your mother blast my name off the tapestry as well._

_Uncle Alphie_

I looked up at Sirius, knowing that I wore a stupid, silly grin that was usually reserved for either a Quidditch victory or whenever Lily would actually speak to me in a pleasant way.

"He's giving you money!"

As much as Sirius loved living with me and my family, I could tell that he really wanted to branch out on his own. His recent imprisonment in the guest house only made him more anxious and depressed. I'd miss him if he left, of course, but it was really up to him.

"No doubt! And I can finally get out—" He stopped abruptly, a fearful look washing over his face. "James...you know that I love your parents and all they've done for me, don't you?"

"Yeah, yeah. Of course I do."

"But I need to…to get out on my own," he said softly, sitting himself on the sofa next to me.

"It's okay, really. I know Mum and Dad'll be glad to be rid of you," I teased, nudging him in the ribs, stifling the awkward bit of emotion that was welling up inside me.

As if he sensed my inner battle, Sirius became eerily quiet. I don't know how long the two of us sat there, listening to each other's breathing, but it seemed like forever.

"Come with me tomorrow?"

"And what am I supposed to do while you're at Gringotts?" I had an inkling of what I'd like to do, but I wasn't going to voice that to him.

Sirius rolled his eyes and gave me a shove that almost dislodged me from the sofa.

"Phone. Her," he said emphatically. "Not that hard, Prongs. You learned how to use a phone box in Muggle Studies, right? I know you want to. Ask her to go shopping for school supplies. You know she'll go for that kind of shit." He nudged me again.

"Bu—but…I don't know her phone number," I stammered.

"Fucking shit, Prongs, are you a wizard or not? _Usurpo defero Lily Evans!"_ Sirius waved his wand over a piece of scrap paper and several numbers appeared, which I assumed was Lily's phone number.

I had no choice now.

I was going to phone Lily tomorrow, and hopefully, I'd be seeing her as well.

_I'm never going to get any sleep tonight._


	3. Diagon Alley

Changing Perceptions

_A James and Lily Fan-Fiction_

Part Two—Diagon Alley

James and Sirius walked along Diagon Alley, both of them excited about the day, but for differing reasons. Sirius walked a little taller than normal, knowing that freedom lay just inside the massive doors of the Wizarding bank. James, who normally walked with a confident swagger, was nervous and kept going over and over the steps of making a phone call in his mind. Feeling this way was foreign to James and, in his mind, meant that things would go horribly wrong somewhere along the way.

"You alright there, Prongs?" Sirius asked as they turned the corner toward the bank. "You don't seem yourself."

"No—no, I'm fine, really," James lied, feeling a heaviness in his stomach.

"Liar. You'll do fine, and if she's really changed how she thinks of you, she's bound to agree to come here."

James stopped on the cobblestone street, his mouth gaping.

"How do you know? I mean, what if I've ruined everything by being such a stupid pillock? What if she's been pulling my leg and setting me up for a lark? What if—"

"Who the hell are you and what have you done with James Potter ?" Sirius interrupted. "Snap out of it! Hell, she answered your first letter! That's got to mean something!"

James smiled at the mention of that letter, which was now safely tucked away in the bottom of his school trunk. There was no way in hell that he'd let his friends know he kept all her letters in an old cigar box. That secret, he'd take to the grave.

They continued their silent stroll until a big, booming voice stopped James in his tracks.

"Sirius!"

It was Alphard Black, a jovial older man with brown curly hair that was just beginning to recede. He was short and stout, a bit like Slughorn, now that James thought about it.

"Uncle Al!" Sirius said joyfully, wrapping his arms around the older man.

James stood aside while the two of them exchanged pleasantries and several more embraces.

"And this must be James!" Before he could say anything in response, James found himself enveloped in a hug similar to the one Sirius had received. After a couple hard swats on the back, Alphard released James and smiled broadly at the two of them.

"Well, boys, I wish we could tarry here on the street, but the goblins are impatient," Alphard stated. "I'm afraid we'll be occupied for most of the morning, James."

"Oh, alright," he answered, shifting uncomfortably while his gaze drifted down toward the cobblestone pavement.

"I'll call you on the mirror when I'm done, okay?" Sirius nudged James and winked slyly before following his uncle into the bank.

James watched until they stepped inside the large doors and felt strangely alone, standing there on the street as several dozens of witches and wizards strolled by. But he couldn't think on that too long. He had a job to do, of sorts; reaching into the pocket of his jeans, he jingled the coins inside to remind himself what he needed…no, wanted to do with all his being. He only hoped it would work out the way he wanted it to.

* * *

Lily took a deep breath and looked at her reflection in the mirror. For once, she wished this mirror was enchanted like those at Hogwarts. She really needed to hear someone's impression of how she looked. However, this was not the case and she was forced to take stock of her appearance on her own.

Her hair was pulled back by barrettes, holding it up off her face on the crown of her head. She'd applied some powdery blue eye shadow and some dark eyeliner, along with several coats of mascara. Her lips were covered with a thick, matte silvery lipstick. The look was all the rage these days and yet, it made her look like some sort of drag queen.

She turned and looked at the clock on her bedside table, biting her lip. She'd told James that she would be there in five minutes.

"Damn!" she shouted and reached for her wand, quickly casting a removal spell, making her face clean and natural. Leaving her hair back in the clasps, she reapplied the mascara lightly and put on a little eyeliner. She stepped back and rechecked her makeup, finally pleased. Her eyes were her favourite feature, and the mascara and liner played to her strengths.

"Much better," she whispered and placed her money bag in the pocket of her jeans. She usually didn't wear jeans, but this was a special day. It was the day she'd give him a chance. Not much of one, but a little.

Earlier, when she'd got off the phone with him, Lily excitedly chose her clothing and flipped to a section of a magazine about makeup. She wore a simple, form-fitting t-shirt with a French cut neckline that showed off her neck and collarbones, her second favourite features. She also liked the fact that it showed her new curves and the cleavage she'd recently acquired. Before this past spring, she had always had a bit of a straight figure; although her roommates got breasts and hips as early as third year, she was a bit slower in the maturation department. But shortly after Easter, she began to blossom. Her hips widened a bit and her backside was more rounded than before. The waist that had always been nondescript was more defined now. Added to that were the larger breasts that Petunia was jealous of. That thought made her smile more than anything else.

One last look at the clock told her that she had better get a move on if she didn't want to be late. James sounded anxious enough over the phone, and if she was late, Lily feared the poor boy would never recuperate.

* * *

James glanced at his watch for the third time in five minutes, each time, telling himself that she wasn't coming, that she was merely toying with him, and that anything he thought had developed between them was gone like a puff of smoke. He growled in frustration and actually hit himself on the side of the head to get rid of those sorts of thoughts. This wasn't like him to be nervous and unsure of himself. He was James Potter, after all.

He was a player; he seduced birds with his words, his smile, and the way he pushed his hair off his face. He dated girls at school since he was in second year; he had his first French kiss at age twelve; he felt a girl up over her school sweater at thirteen and under it three months later. He'd done things with girls that would have given his mother a heart attack; no girl ever denied him anything until _her_.

Lily Evans.

The more she denied him, the more he wanted her. Her flat-out refusal drove him to satisfy his needs with other, less desirable girls, even though his heart was never in it with them. They'd have their fun and move on. But she was different.

She made him feel alive, even when they were fighting over something as stupid as Severus Snape. She made him want to snog her in the middle of a boring Potions class just by stirring whatever she had in her cauldron. He very nearly swooned when he smelled her perfume in Amortentia during sixth-year, along with fresh air and the smell of his favourite leather chair at home. In short, she made him crazy.

"James?"

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the voice he'd know anywhere. James turned around and openly gaped at her. Lily stood before him without a cloak in a dream of a t-shirt and jeans that hugged her hips deliciously. She was bloody gorgeous; she now had curves where she hadn't when school let out and the way the sunlight hit her hair caused the blonde highlights to give her sort of a halo.

James swallowed hard and forced the words from his mouth. "Lily. Hey, you're here!" He couldn't hide the excitement in his voice any longer.

"Am I late?" She looked down at her watch with wide eyes and smiled. "Didn't think so. What're your plans, James?"

"Er, I really didn't have any plans," he admitted, finding himself still gaping at her like a fish gasping for breath.

Instead of admonishing him, she laughed. Oh, what a sweet sound that is, James decided. He closed his eyes to savour the sound as it drifted off into the breeze.

"Are you sure you're the same James Potter that I left in Kings Cross?" she asked with a bemused expression. "Because I'm not sure whether you're a Polyjuiced version or not." Her voice was full of teasing which managed to set his mind at ease.

"Why is everyone asking me that question today? First Pad--Sirius and then you. Am I really all that different?"

James began walking and beckoned for her to join him, which she did quickly. He couldn't help but notice the way her breasts bounced at her quickened pace, making him groan, but not loud enough for her to hear him.

"So've you finally made a decision, then?" she asked from his side.

James hesitated in answering, not sure if his quick decision would be met with the reaction he was hoping for. Throwing caution to the wind, he stopped and turned to fully face her. The breeze picked up a few wisps of her hair, sending it fluttering behind her.

"First thing, I'm going to prove to you that I'm a progressive, open-minded wizard."

She lifted her left eyebrow at his statement and eyed him warily. "And that would be to…?"

Feeling more emboldened than ever, he placed an arm around her shoulders. Amazingly enough, she actually let him. Never before had James been so glad that he'd put quill to parchment and taken that chance to write to her.

"I'm going to let you take me to lunch."

"You're _letting_ me?" she asked incredulously, turning to him, their faces inches from each other.

"Uh huh," he answered with a smile. "You once accused me of flaunting my wealth, Evans, and I'm showing you that I'm not all about that."

"You forgot to stop at Gringotts, didn't you?"

Their laughter followed them into the back entrance of The Leaky Cauldron.

* * *

Lily didn't know when she'd laughed as much as she did during that lunch with James. He had so many interesting stories to tell about the mischief he and his friends got up to. Several times, Lily wondered how they could get around the castle without being caught or how they found places that no one else knew about. She pushed aside the part of her that was prefect and merely enjoyed the light-hearted mood at their table.

"So the Shrieking Shack isn't really haunted?" Lily asked in astonishment.

James stumbled for a moment at her question, and she could almost see the gears turning in his head.

"Er…well, no," he stammered and ran his hand through his hair. "The three—four of us stumbled on it one night and…well, found nothing."

She let out a huff and sat back against her chair, crossing her arms over her chest with her prefect cap firmly in place.

"James, how in the bloody hell do you get around without getting caught? I mean, the new guy…what's his name?"

"Filch? He's a pansy," James scoffed.

"Well, he's always out with his damn cats. I don't see how you lot can manage all that," she pointed out.

James smirked and leaned forward onto his elbows, closing the gap between them and sending shivers up and down her spine.

"Can I trust you?"

"Of course."

"Don't go all Head Girl on me, okay?" he teased, making her chuckle as she nodded her answer. "Come closer. I need to whisper this to you."

At his request, she did so and found herself eye to eye with him. He had gorgeous hazel eyes, with flecks of green, brown, and a touch of blue in stark contrast to the darkness of his hair. He had a scar on his nose, she noticed, and even remembered the time he walked into Transfiguration with a bandage covering the bridge. When asked about it, he merely shrugged it off as a Quidditch injury when, in fact, Lily knew he hadn't had practise the day before.

The warmth of his breath on her cheek drew her from his thoughts. His lips were nearly touching her cheek.

"Wha—what is it?" she asked with a shaky voice.

"I have an Invisibility Cloak," he answered, his voice deep and breathy, before pulling away from her and sitting back with a smug look on his face.

"No way! They're not that good, Potter. You have some other secret to getting around the castle, I know it!"

James stared at her for a moment before recovering and shaking his head.

"I can't tell you all my secrets yet, Evans. And yes, it's an Invisibility Cloak. Better than any that have ever existed." He looked extremely proud of himself. "Family heirloom from Merlin knows how many generations."

"But that's impossible, James," she said. "They aren't infallible!"

"Shh!" He looked around the pub, apparently anxious to keep his secret. "This one is," he added as he leaned in towards her again. "That's all I can say right now. I swear, one day, you'll know everything." James sat back and smiled at her again.

Determined not to let that charming smile get the better of her, she rolled her eyes at him.

"Promises, promises," she teased. "Come on, I thought we were going shopping for our supplies. I can't waste all day talking to you, you know."

"Wasting your time? Oh, that hurts, Evans. That hurts," he said with a dramatic flair. "Fine. Pay the waitress and I'll meet you by the wall."

Before she could say anything, he leaned in and gave her a peck on the cheek. She watched him walk away with her hand on the spot where he kissed her and her cheeks extremely warm to the touch, her eyes lingering on his bum, which she just now noticed was extremely squeeze-worthy. Shaking the thoughts out of her head, Lily laid her money on the table and made her way toward the back, finding the portal already opened with James wearing a broad grin.

"What's so funny? Do I have lettuce in my teeth?" To double check, she moved her tongue over her teeth, searching for an errant piece of vegetation.

James groaned. "Sweet Merlin, Lily! That's so damn sexy that I may be forced to snog you in full view of Diagon Alley!"

She immediately stopped her tongue and found a loose cobblestone at her feet very interesting.

"Did—did I say that out loud?"

Lily looked up at him at an extreme angle and nodded sheepishly.

"Can we just pretend that never happened?" he asked warily, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Fine," she answered with a chuckle. "Where should we go then?" Lily reached out and linked an arm in his. "Scrivenshafts? The apothecary? Flourish and Blotts?"

They stepped dramatically along the street, arm in arm, stopping at the windows and making funny faces, laughing at themselves and the reactions of those on the inside of the shops. They dropped the silliness long enough to buy their books at Flourish and Blotts and find new quills and parchment before being torn between heading to Quality Quidditch Supplies and the apothecary.

"Quidditch!"

"Apothecary!"

They laughed after they spoke at the same time before James spoke up.

"Er, why don't you go there because you know damned well I hate Potions," James pointed out. "I'll meet you in twenty minutes?"

"Okay. I'll say 'hello' to Madam Rothschild for you, okay?"

"Is she still alive?" He rolled his eyes. "Dear Merlin, she's older than my dad!"

"Whatever. I'll see you later, Potter."

"Not if I see you first, Evans!" he called over his shoulder once he turned around and began walking away.

* * *

As James made his way across the street, Lily again stared at his retreating figure, especially his very firm-looking behind. As he entered the shop, she sighed, wondering for a moment if this was a dream or real. If it was a dream, she never wanted to wake up.

James whistled as he left Quality Quidditch Supplies with new shin guards and a new Quaffle in his shopping bag. On a whim, he also purchased a pendant for Lily shaped like a broom. He wouldn't give it to her today, but he was sure that sometime soon, there would be a time. Even as he was looking at the pendant and the other jewellery in the shop, he just felt like he needed to buy something for her. Those sorts of feelings had always turned out to be right in the past, making his decision easier for him.

Swinging the bag back and forth as he walked, he made his way across the street to the apothecary, happier than he had been in a long time. He had always known that Lily was special, nearly from the moment he'd met her on the train back in first year. She was bright, talented, and wicked smart. Of course, he had thought she was pretty; her red hair matched her fiery spirit to a tee and that's what really attracted him to her. Lily Evans gave him a thrill in his soul, and that was something that could no longer be denied.

Anxious to get inside the smelly shop for the first time in his life, he swung the door open, and the perpetual smile that was on his face suddenly disappeared. A few feet away to his left stood Lily and the slimiest of gits, Severus Snape. Neither of them saw him, as they were both looking at a shelf of Potions ingredients and waiting for assistance. He crept a little closer and stood next to a large cabinet that hid him from view.

"You never did say who was named Head Boy, Lily."

James cringed at the way Snape said her name.

"How should I know, Sev? It's not like Dumbledore sends me personal owls, you know."

_Good girl,_ James thought.

"Well," Snape said with an extremely greasy voice, "I find it hard to believe anyone could have beaten my marks, especially in Potions." He turned to the clerk. "I need lacewing flies, saffron, and a new mortar and pestle."

Lily huffed at the slimy git. "I was here first," Lily said in an irritated voice.

"Clearly, I'm more important," said Snape.

_Bastard._

"Whatever." Lily turned around and started to make her way to another but before she moved, Snape put his hand on her arm.

The blood in James' body began to boil at the sight of Snape touching Lily. How dare he? It took every measure of restraint he had to keep from marching over there and removing the fucker's hand from her. Fortunately, Lily shrugged him off and her fiercely independent spirit came to the front.

"Don't touch me! I can't believe you actually think that! What have they done to you, Sev? Where's the ten-year-old kid I met in the park?" She was angrier than James had ever heard her before.

Snape never got to answer that question, as they were interrupted by a tall, dark-haired and sallow woman who could only be Snape's mother. James wondered how she managed to get a man, she was so ugly.

"Lily! I haven't seen you in ages! Severus hasn't brought you round lately," Mrs. Snape said as her eyes fell on Lily.

"H-hello there, Eileen," Lily stammered. "I guess Sev's got better friends now." She gave the git a scathing look that made James proud.

"Oh, I doubt that." She turned to her son, saying "Finished?" Mrs. Snape rose an eyebrow in an eerily similar fashion to that of her son.

"I'm waiting for a few things, Mother," Snape answered through clenched teeth as he backed away from his mother. "I'll meet you outside."

Her face fell as she nodded at her son. "Fine. It was nice to see you again, Lily." Mrs. Snape turned and headed toward James and the entrance.

James forgot that he was standing in front of the door and the woman bumped into him.

"Oh, pardon me," she said in a haughty tone while she looked down at him with her overly-large nose.

James stepped aside and let the woman pass, her cloak flying behind her and sending out a scent that was vaguely familiar, something akin to mothballs, he reckoned. He watched her pass through the door and then descended upon Lily and Snape.

"Evans, what are you doing here?" He hoped that Lily would play along and act as if they weren't together. The last thing he wanted was that git to learn that they had gone shopping with each other.

"Potions, Potter, remember? The class in which you are hopelessly inept," Snape sneered. He gave Lily a half-smile. "Takes more than a vault of your father's money to become a Potions Master, you know."

"Someone's got a big head underneath that greasy hair. I would have thought that you'd brew up a shampoo for yourself. Or collect it all for cooking," James added, with a smirk.

"Oh, please," Lily interrupted impatiently. "You're both acting like a couple of ten-year-olds! When will you two grow _up?_"

James stopped mid-thought, realizing that if he wanted a real chance at being with her, he had to try and play nice.

"Sorry, Evans," he said softly. As he looked up, he noticed her face had softened greatly and she was looking at him.

"Fine," she answered and stepped a bit closer to him. "So did you need anything here? I can't remember you ever buying Potions supplies before."

"Please don't tell me you've gone and fallen for this… what did you call him once? A toe rag?" Snape cocked an eyebrow and flashed a yellow-toothed grin. "Or has he finally got into your knickers? I may just vomit." He rolled his eyes, which only added to the reasons why James hated him. Even for someone who used to be Lily's friend, that comment was way below the belt.

"Severus!"

James turned on Snape and scowled. "You…are a filthy bastard!" he hissed, fighting the urge to hex Snape. James' eyes widened as the tip of Snape's wand appeared a few inches from his face. With wide eyes, Snape dared James to reach for his wand.

Without taking his eyes off James, Snape remarked,"I would have thought your standards to be higher, Lily. You disappoint me."

James felt his blood bubbling up inside him as the anger and hatred began to take over his brain. He continued to fight an internal battle as part of him wanted to usher Lily out of there and the other part wanted to hex the living daylights out of the greasy piece of shit. Lily was shaking visibly as she backed away from her former friend, her eyes beginning to glass over.

"What's the matter with you, Snape? Your Dark Mark itching or what?" James sneered, swatting the wand out of his face. "Leave her alone. I know you don't hate her, so why're you acting like a complete and utter arse?"

"Potter," he began, his voice thick with distaste, "use your head for something better than holding that unruly mop of hair and think for once."

"Oh you're talking to _me_ about hair? Lily, I think we've finally found a way to rid the world of Death Eaters…chase 'em with shampoo!"

The three of them were thankfully interrupted by the shop clerk. "Here's your order, Severus. Sorry it took so long." He handed over the package and took the money that was laid on the counter.

With deliberate slowness, Snape turned and looked at James, his dark eyes boring into James' as he stepped away from the counter.

"I wouldn't bother if I were you, Potter. Her talents are lacking," he whispered, loud enough for Lily to hear as well, and sauntered away, leaving behind a gobsmacked James and a teary Lily standing next to him.

Once Snape left the shop, James turned to Lily and lifted her chin; she looked so sad and shaken from the encounter with Snape. He wanted to gather her up in his arms and console her, but this wasn't the best place to do so.

"Come on, let's go," he urged, leading her toward the door with an arm around her shoulders.

"But…but my supplies—"

"Don't worry about that now. You can get them by owl order," he said softly.

Once they were out on the street, he led her to a vacant bench and sat her down, placing her shopping bags on the pavement next to them.

"Thanks," she said as a solitary tear slid down her cheek. "I don't know why he has to act that way all the time. He used to be my friend—my best friend." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand before looking at him. "You really restrained yourself back there. I thought you were going to hex him."

James chuckled and began playing the hair on her shoulder. "I wanted to. Really, I did. But, well, I knew it wouldn't do any good. That git knows some nasty Dark magic and I wouldn't want to be on the wrong end of his wand should he choose to use it."

Lily nodded before answering, "I know. He didn't used to be that way." She looked away and watched the people passing them, merrily unaware of the turmoil inside her.

"You knew each other a long time, yeah?"

"Mmm hmmm. Met him when I was ten. He told me I was a witch and I took it as an insult." She smiled again and laughed a bit. "But after he…well, you know what happened."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry you lost a friend and that he hurt you." The words began flowing out of his mouth and James had no idea where they came from. "He's a git, and a right royal one at that. And I promise you one thing, Lily."

"What?" She turned toward him and for the first time, James noticed how very green her eyes were, like a new leaf on a tree in the spring. And the shape was just…perfect.

"I promise to lay off him this year. I don't trust him as far as I can curse him, but I'll do it for you." He reached for her hand and absently began stoking the flesh of her hand. "I mean it. Like I told you before, I've had a lot to think about this summer, and he's not worth it."

"Make Sirius Black follow your example and I may just think there's hope for us all," she teased. "Seriously though, thank you. I really appreciate it." Lily leaned toward him and kissed him on the cheek. As she withdrew, James' hand went to his cheek. "I better get home. I didn't leave a note and my parents'll be getting home soon."

"Can I take you home?" He didn't want the afternoon to end.

"Well, that would be the polite thing to do."

* * *

They Apparated to the corner of her street and silently made their way toward her house, their hands automatically linking. His hand felt warm and comfortable against hers and, to her surprise, was a little bit sweaty.

_Had it been that way before?_ she asked herself. _Why would he be as nervous as I am?_

"Well, this is home," she said softly once they reached the pavement that led to the front door.

James looked at the house, his eyes darting back and forth. Finally, he turned back to her and smiled.

"Looks, nice. Homey," he said, his eyes not leaving hers. "Nice hydrangeas."

Lily giggled slightly, finding it an odd remark for him to make. "Yeah, they are. Er, actually, they're my sister's. The delphiniums are mine." She held out her hand and pointed to a bush with large, electric blue flowers.

"Del—delphiniums?" A smile crept up onto the corners of his mouth. "You have a delphinium bush?"

"That's what I said. Are you alright, James?" A sudden rush of tenderness came over her and she placed a hand on his cheek. At the contact, she was warm all over while he leaned into her hand, his eyes closing slightly, as if he were trying to memorize the feel of it upon his skin. She began to pull her hand away, but he caught it around her wrist with just enough pressure to startle her.

She opened her mouth to say something, but he placed a finger on her lips. A jolt of electricity shot through her, making her wonder exactly what it would feel like to have his lips on hers rather than his fingertip.

"Lily…er, can I kiss you?" he blurted out.

"Please do."

She wanted to watch him kiss her, but her eyes wouldn't cooperate and closed a second before his lips reached hers. His lips were surprisingly soft as they moved over hers. He opened his mouth and licked her lips with his tongue, urging her to open her mouth. In a giddy rush, she obliged and he slipped inside her mouth. His tentativeness surprised her. She thought that'd he be a little more forceful in the way he kissed her. Wanting to prove to him, for some odd reason, that she wanted a forceful kiss, Lily put a hand on the back of his head and held him to her as she increased the intensity of their kiss.

James hissed as her tongue stroked his before settling into her kiss. He placed his hands on her back and she felt the heat from his skin through her t-shirt. It was almost as if he was branding her with his touch. Lily moaned into his mouth and found herself pulled tight against him, her body flush with his while her hands began to roam eagerly over his own back. She didn't protest when his hand went to her bum, nor did he when one of her hands dipped inside the waistband of his jeans. Things could have progressed further, if not for the door swinging open and a shrill scream breaking into their moment.

"LILY!" shrieked Petunia with a very purple-faced Vernon standing next to her.

James pushed Lily away and his face turned a dark crimson, which she thought was rather fetching on him. Normally, James would have a witty comment to say in this situation, but Lily knew that he'd lost that capacity once they began kissing.

"I…I, well, er, I should get going then," James stammered as he grabbed Lily's hands. He didn't look like he was going anywhere.

Lily discovered that her own reasoning was gone as well, holding his hands tighter and wearing, what she was sure was, a stupid grin on her face.

"I s'pose. You'll owl?" She couldn't help the excitement at the prospect of a letter from him.

"Wild hippogriffs couldn't stop me," he said, sprouting a grin that brightened his eyes.

They continued to stand there in the front yard with Lily's sister and Vernon, neither of them wanting to leave nor caring that they had an audience. She kept looking at him and examining every detail of his face, almost as if seeing him for the first time. And in a way, she was. The day with James was better than she could have ever imagined. The conceited, brash boy that she'd known for six years was pleasantly replaced by the genuine and intriguing young man now standing in front of her.

Lily couldn't wait for school to start.


	4. The Hogwarts Express

Changing Perceptions

_A James and Lily Fan-Fiction_

Part Three—The Hogwarts' Express

For the next day or two, Lily wore a permanent smile on her face. The memory, both mental and physical, of James' kiss would not go away, making her feel extremely giddy. There were times when she would absently touch her lips and sigh, the feeling of his lips and tongue bubbling up to the surface for some inexplicable reason.

She was no prude; she'd kissed a few boys before. James, however, was talented in the kissing department and the fact that their kiss lingered for days afterward was a testament to his style. Lily frowned as she pushed away the thoughts of who he had kissed before her. She knew he had other girlfriends; Mary was one of them. But that didn't really matter anymore; she was the one kissing him now.

"…So what do you think?"

Lily shook the cobwebs out of her head and remembered she was in a bridal shop with her mother and sister.

"Er…what?" Lily stammered.

"If you can't pay attention," Petunia huffed, "to the plans for my glorious day, I'm not sure if I want you involved."

Lily smiled a bit. Petunia was giving her the perfect opportunity to say something snarky and cruel.

"Promise?"

"Mother!" Petunia whinged. "Mother, she's making a mockery of my wedding!" She flung herself onto a chaise and began to sob. Lily knew she was faking it and merely rolled her eyes.

"Girls! Can't you get along? Tunie, things will be fine, you'll see. And of course, Lily wants to help. Don't you, dear?" their mother asked, emphasizing the words of the question.

"No, not really," Lily stated flatly. "She treats me like a freak, makes fun of me and my friends and my school. So why _would_ I want to be involved in her wedding?"

She sprung off the chair she was sitting on and crossed over to the window of the shop, glancing longingly out onto the street. What she wouldn't pay to be out of here, away from her oppressive sister and smothering mother. It was stifling to be in the same room with them lately.

"Because you're my sister!" Petunia shouted. "What would the family say?" At her words, Petunia was wrapped in her mother's arms.

"Now see what you've done? She's upset," she scolded Lily.

Lily turned around. "Mum, she's always upset with me. Everything I do is wrong. Has been for six years."

Petunia wailed loud enough for the dressmaker to come over to the chaise.

"Is something wrong with the dress, Miss Evans?" the woman asked Petunia, who sniffed a few more times before looking up.

"No…no, it's perfect," she answered, standing up so the woman could check the fit.

Lily had to hold in a giggle as she looked at her sister standing there in her wedding dress. It was hideous, really, and Lily couldn't believe that anyone, much less her sister, would be caught dead in that sort of thing. It was white satin - bright, shiny, white satin to be exact - with nearly every bit of skin covered up. The neck was high with lace at the throat and what looked like a lace bib covered the neckline, and the long sleeves were tight at the wrists, fastened by five buttons. And it did absolutely nothing for Petunia, who had a nice hour-glass figure, and if it had been up to Lily, she should have shown a bit more skin. 'Perfect' was the last word Lily would use to describe the damned thing.

The dressmaker fussed over the dress and checked the hem while Petunia beamed as she stood on the little raised platform. Her mother circled, looking like a vulture waiting to dive in on its prey, clasping her hands to her mouth and nearly hyperventilating with excitement.

"That should do it!" the seamstress announced. "You can take it home, Miss Evans."

Petunia squealed and twirled around in her satin nightgown masquerading as a wedding dress. The look of utter jubilation on her face made Lily queasy and she turned away. Rusting of fabric signalled her sister's return to the fitting room, making her sigh at the prospect of leaving relatively soon.

"Lily, dear," chimed her mother. "Come here for a minute."

Lily sighed and rolled her eyes before turning around to find her mother holding another hideous dress in a dreadful shade of yellow. There were ruffles everywhere and it appeared to be made of dotted Swiss.

"What is _that_?" Lily asked in a disgusted tone.

Her mother smiled cheerily and Petunia flashed her a contemptuous smile from behid the curtain of her changing room. Lily felt her heart sink.

"It's your bridesmaid dress."

* * *

"Jimmy-Jam! You've got another letter from Dumbledore!" sang Thora Potter. Ever since James was named Head Boy, his mother called him his baby name as often as she could. No matter how many times he tried to tell her to stop, there was no changing her mind. She was entirely too proud of James and the fact that she was losing her baby boy in a few weeks made her tear up whenever the subject came up.

James groaned and glanced at the clock, pulling a pillow over his head.

_Why the hell is Dumbledore sending me a letter at eight o'clock in the bloody morning? _James asked himself. All he wanted to do was go back to sleep.

He'd been up until three that morning, having gone to a pub with Remus and Sirius, with the latter eagerly taking off with a heavily made-up girl, ditching his friends around one. Once Sirius left, James and Remus, who was always the more sensitive of the Marauders, began talking about what had been happening with Lily. James told him about the letters they'd written and the way things had changed between them. Much to James' surprise, Remus was very supportive, as he and Lily had dated for a bit the previous school term.

"You know, James," Remus had said, "even though she would deny it every time she was asked, I always knew she found you…desirable."

At that, James snorted beer out of his nose, flabbergasted at his friend's revelation.

"It's the truth. She always knew when you were out of the Tower, where you were sitting in the Great Hall and who you were dating," Remus stated. "It was like she always made it her point to find you whenever she walked into a room. Frankly, I hope it resolves a lot of the sexual tension between you two."

For the second time that night, James was caught off guard by his friend.

"What's with you, Moony? You seem…I dunno odd, even for you," he teased, eyeing Remus carefully.

He shrugged and gave James a wry smile. "Nothing's wrong with me, Prongs."

At the comment, James had leaned forward and playfully punched Remus' arm. "You got laid! I know that look!"

"I'm a gentleman," he answered, barely containing his smile. "I don't kiss and tell."

After that conversation, James had tried valiantly to ply Remus with liquor in the hopes of getting him to reveal what had happened when he was in Ireland. But it was a hopeless effort, in the end, as Remus could hold his drink much better than James.

A soft, almost imperceptible crack caused James to stir and bolt up into a sitting position. It was Wilbie, their House-Elf.

"Master James must get up! He has a letter from Dumbledore!" She began lifting the covers off the bed, exposing James to the cool air of his room. "Mistress wants Master James to get up and share the letter with her."

James groaned in frustration, grabbing a pillow and tossing it at Wilbie. Unfortunately for James, she was rather agile and ducked out of the way before tossing the pillow back at him with a mere wave of her hand. He knew this battle would end up like all those of his childhood in which he and Wilbie fought about this precise situation; Wilbie would toss conjured ice water onto his head and banish the blankets, sheets, and pillows, after which James would reluctantly trudge downstairs to greet the day with his mother. Which was, of course, exactly what happened.

A few minutes later, a bleary-eyed James stumbled into the dining room, where his mother was seated at her usual spot with a cup of tea and her usual breakfast of porridge and toast.

"Well, thank goodness Wilbie could always get you out of bed," she said, mildly irritated. "Read the letter. It looks important."

There was no hiding the fact that she was inordinately pleased with the fact that her son was Head Boy. Over the last few days, it was the main topic of conversation between her and her friends, and whenever James was around the old birds, they all cackled about him like a bunch of mother hens. It was stifling, really.

James took the letter and went out onto the flagstone terrace outside, desperately wanting to get out of his mother's presence. Once he was settled onto a wicker chair, he set about reading the letter.

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_As this year's Head Boy, you, along with Head Girl Lily Evans, are responsible for planning and leading bi-weekly meetings of the prefects as well as planning a timetable for patrols. Your first meeting with the prefects should take place on the Hogwarts Express on 1 September, and I encourage both you and Miss Evans to plan the meeting and timetable before that time._

_Listed below is a list of prefects for each House:_

**_Gryffindor_**

_5__th__ year—Rhiannon Wood, Gregory Jones_

_6__th__ year—Jeannette Kettleware, Samuel Haworth_

_7__th__ year—Pamela Monahan, Remus Lupin_

**_Hufflepuff_**

_5__th__ year—Bertha Jorkins, Robert Abbott_

_6__th__ year—Elisha Warren, Thomas Boot_

_7__th__ year—Lauren Winkler, Aaron Macmillan_

**_Ravenclaw_**

_5__th__ year—Li Yeung, Charles Smith_

_6__th__ year—Shannon O'Connell, Joseph Bloom_

_7__th__ year—Emily Marx, Hamid Patil_

**_Slytherin_**

_5__th__ year—Erin Gallagher, Amycus Carrow_

_6__th__ year—Phoolan Duranjaya, Simon Lennox_

_7__th__ year—Narcissa Black, Severus Snape_

James groaned when he read the last name on the list. Snape was not one to be given much leeway as far as his behaviour went. The git simply had no class and was always going on about how much better he was than everyone else. The fact that he once called Lily, his former friend, a Mudblood made James' disgust for Snape that much worse. The thought of actually being required to spend time in the same room with him made James shiver.

But all thoughts of Severus Snape disappeared when he remembered Dumbledore's advice; he and Lily needed to get together and plan things out. She must have received the same letter and he hoped that she would want to see him again soon. Not only did he want to see her, he wanted to kiss her again. Many times. The one brief taste of her lips wasn't nearly enough to satisfy him. The way her lips felt against his and the way she tasted was indescribable. He wanted more.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to remember the way her hair smelled and the faint taste of ice cream on her lips. He swore under his breath as he felt the beginnings of an erection in his jeans. He had to see her. Soon.

James dashed back inside the house, past the empty dining table, and into the study. He rifled around in the desk, found some parchment, and began scribbling a quick note to her. Smiling broadly, he called for his owl and sent her on her way to Lily's. James was just about to head over to Sirius' flat when his mother's scream stopped him in his tracks.

"James! I need your help!" she wailed from their room down the hall.

He bolted from the study, knowing instinctively that the tone of her voice meant nothing good. James knew his father was in poor health lately and the thought of losing him, even though he was a bigoted arse, made his heart drop.

"Mum?" he exclaimed as he slid into the room.

His father was pale and breathing rapidly, almost constantly, and there was a sickening wheeze coming from his mouth as he exhaled. His mother was waving her wand over him, performing spells from her days as a Healer, obviously hoping that her diagnosis would be wrong.

She turned around, her face stained with tears, and visibly shaking.

"James…you…you need to help me get him to hospital. I—I'm…" She began sobbing and crumbled at the side of the bed. He kneeled beside her and wrapped his arms around her.

"Mum, it'll work out. What do I need to do?"

"Ca—call St. Mungo's and tell them he's coming. They—they'll need a cardiac unit," she stammered between cries.

"Okay." He got up and returned to the study where he Floo'd as he was asked. Once he identified himself as Thora Abbott Potter's son, his request for assistance was met with enthusiasm. He was assured that an ambulatory service would be there in a matter of minutes.

"They're sending a service, Mum," he said softly to his mother, as she rubbed his father's forehead with her hand. "Can I let Sirius know?"

"Of course, dear." She turned her attention back to her husband. "It'll be fine, Corney. Don't you worry, my love." She bent forward and kissed his cheek, causing a surge of emotion inside the area around James' heart. It was ironic that he was just beginning to feel the first stirrings of love when it appeared to him that his parents' love may be coming to an end.

James had to turn away and brush the tears from his eyes. He had to be strong for his parents. But who would be strong for him?

Even as he picked up the mirror to contact Sirius, he desperately wanted Lily to hold him.

* * *

Lily clutched the two letters to her chest, one from Professor Dumbledore and the other from James. Her mother had called her down the stairs about ten minutes earlier when the two owls arrived, depositing their parchment envelopes on the kitchen table. Neither one would let her mother take them and waited impatiently until Lily was there.

Once inside her bedroom, she threw herself onto the bed and eagerly ripped into the letter from James. Dumbledore could wait.

_Lily—_

_Hey there. I just wanted to write to you. Is it stupid of me to say that I miss you? That I really liked getting together with you in Diagon Alley? I did, honest. But I have to say that I wish your sister would have stayed inside. __I really liked kissing you. __She shouldn't have interrupted like that._

Lily paused and went over those five words that he'd crossed out. He liked kissing me! She had to admit that she did, too. More than liked it. James lit a fire inside her that wouldn't go away, fuelling her dreams, and prompting her to touch herself. She felt her face grow warm as she recalled whispering his name as she brought herself to the crest of pleasure.

_Sirius got a flat. He moved a few days ago. It's really lonely here without him and my mum's driving me mad._

_Got a letter from Dumbledore this morning. A bunch of prefect stuff. Did you know Snape was a prefect? It's gonna be a long year if I have to put up with __that git__ him all year. Remus is one again. That should be fun._

_Well, anyway, I wanted to ask if you and I could get together and get timetables and such all squared away before the first. Doesn't sound like me, I know, but, well, it's an excuse to see you again._

_Well, I better go before Mum pinches my cheeks again._

_Yours, _

_James_

She suddenly became giddy with anticipation at the thought of seeing James again. She'd never felt this way over any of her other boyfriends, so why was this happening with him? And why so quickly? How could a few letters and a day spent in each other's company change her perception of him so drastically? Instead of analyzing the situation as she normally would, she pushed the thoughts aside and turned her attention to the other letter.

James was right. Severus did tell her that he had been named prefect, sneering in a gleeful way once Lily had admitted that she was Head Girl and surprising herself at how easy it was to keep the truth from him when he asked about her counterpart. The upcoming school year, just as James had written, would be extremely long and tedious if James and Severus couldn't somehow get along. She made a mental note to try and figure out what to do about it.

Once she finished scanning the brief letter from the headmaster, Lily got up off her bed and returned to the kitchen, anxiously wanting to ask her mother if James could visit and make plans.

"Oh, I don't see why not," her mother answered once Lily posed the question. "Is he the boy you went to the Alley with?"

"Y—yes," Lily answered, her face warming a bit.

"And you're going to let another freak into the house? Mother, it—it's just not right! It was bad enough when that Snape boy was here and now you're going to let another one inside?" Petunia shrieked.

"Petunia! Don't you dare speak to your sister like that!" the mother scolded. "She has every right to invite her friends here."

Lily and her sister had this argument every time Lily wanted a friend from school to come over. It didn't matter if it was Mary, Pamela, Severus, or now, James. Petunia would fuss as if the prospect of another magical person in the house would set the world off its axis and bring about catastrophe.

"Shut up, Petunia!" Lily shot back at her sister. "Do you think it's fun for me to have that blow-hard Vernon around? But do I act like you? Do I interrupt you every fifteen minutes or insult him to his face? No, I don't. I'm courteous and stay out of his way. Why can't you do the same?"

Lily spun around and headed back to her bedroom where she wrote a short note to James telling him it was fine for him to come over in the next day or two. With a heavy sigh, she watched her owl fly off into the blue sky.

James, it turned out, didn't answer her letter right away, which really surprised her. From his letter, she figured he was as anxious as she was to get together again. Two days after she sent it, James returned her note, indicating that he'd be there that afternoon. Before his visit, Lily flitted about the house, straightening up and getting the study in order in between glaring at her sister. She even dressed carefully for his arrival, putting on a t-shirt similar to the one she wore to meet him in Diagon Alley and slipping into a pair of denim shorts. She knew that the shorts would really get his attention and the thought of him running his hand down her thigh was enough to make her groan in anticipation.

The ringing of the doorbell drew her attention, but before she could run down the stairs to let him in, her mother's voice rang through the foyer.

"You must be James!"

Before he could answer, Lily met his eyes; she could see them darken across the distance. He was dressed more casually than she'd seen him before and wore a Puddlemere United t-shirt, a pair of jeans with holes in the knee, and a glint of a gold necklace peeked over the top of his neckline. His eyes roved over her body, pausing at her chest, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. Her breathing quickened under his gaze.

"Er, hey there, Evans," James said hoarsely, moving his satchel to the front and making her blush.

Lily made her way across the floor and stood next to her mother. "James, this is my mother, Astrid Evans. Mum, James Potter."

James extended his hand and was pulled into a hug by her mother. Once released, James' face was as red as Lily's hair.

"Now, before you two set to work, I've got tea ready for you in the dining room," her mother announced and led James into the other room by looping her arm through his. "Can't have the Head Boy and Girl starving, now can we?" She ushered him to a chair and sat him down, placing a bottle of soda in front of him.

Lily found him ensconced at the table surrounded by her mother's idea of a small tea: scones, ham sandwiches, cheese, pickles, and a plate of biscuits. She looked down at him, his mouth full of a scone as he reached for the bottle.

"Whud?" He tipped the soda to his mouth, stopping mid-drink to swallow hard and blinking purposefully at her. "'s good!"

"Oh you are such a boy!" Lily exclaimed, falling into the chair next to him and grabbing a soda for herself.

"Lily, leave the poor boy alone. He looks so tired and I'm willing to bet that he hasn't had a good nosh in a while," her mother stated. "He's so skinny. But gorgeous."

He snorted and soda squirted from his nose, sending Lily into fit of giggles. James recovered his composure and turned to her mother.

"Er, thanks, Mrs. Evans. Actually, things have been a little weird at home lately," he said in a soft voice.

Lily couldn't help but notice the hint of sadness in his voice and promised herself she would ask him about it in private.

"You two finish up in here and then you can work in the study. I have some gardening to do." She reached over and ruffled James' perpetually messy hair and left them in the kitchen.

"Sorry about her," Lily said, her laughter having faded for the most part. "She was thrilled to have another wizard in the house."

"Another one?" James raised an eyebrow as if in shock. "Who's been here before?"

Her mind swirled, telling her not to let James know that Severus had been in that same chair.

"Er…Dumbledore," she blurted out. "He—he was here to talk to my parents." _Please believe me._

She watched as James wiped his mouth with a napkin and finished off his soda, burping behind his closed mouth.

"Lily, it's okay to tell me that Snape was here. I know you were friends, remember?" He stood and took his plate to the kitchen sink. "I've decided to ignore him. Really," he said as he turned around, grabbing his bag off the chair.

"That's gonna be difficult to do, Potter. He is a prefect, after all," she said with a smirk, leading him into the study.

"I choose to ignore that statement," he answered, chuckling.

* * *

James woke the morning of September first excited, more excited than anyone should be on the day he returned to school. He smiled as he stretched his arms above his head, thinking of a particularly pleasant moment at Lily's house a few days before.

_"So that's it then. Timetables…meeting agenda…duty list. All done," Lily said with a broad smile, stretching her arms in front of her and cracking her knuckles._

_"Yeah," James answered. Ever since arriving at her house, he'd been unable to take his eyes off her. It was rather fortunate that they had so much work to do, giving him an excuse to look at her without being too obvious._

_When he'd seen her for the first time that day, he had an immediate, purely male reaction to her. The t-shirt. Merlin, her breasts were…indescribable. Her legs, oh her legs, were shapely and curvy, showing off those thighs that he couldn't help but picture wrapped around him. He hoped she didn't notice when he shifted his bag to the front._

_"Anything else we need to do?" Her voice was like a soft melody, bringing happiness whenever he heard it._

_"Well, I did have a question I wanted to ask you." He scooted closer to her, their proximity on the couch becoming quite dangerous._

_She licked her lips and cocked her head to the side. The sight of that tongue made him shiver._

_"Okay," she whispered. Her eyes, he noticed, were wide and the green was nearly hidden by the pupils._

_James cleared his throat and put a hand on her thigh, willing himself to not move it just yet._

_"I…I just wanted to know if you and…if you and Snape ever sno—kissed," he managed to spit out. Why was he so nervous to talk about this?_

_Without saying a word, she shook her head and closed the distance between them, touching his lips with hers. He was startled at first but then kissed her back, careful to keep his ardour in check. The last thing he wanted to do was get carried away. They were, after all, in her parents' study…well, more specifically, her father's. _

_She opened her mouth and their tongues met. He moved his hand from her thigh to the back of her head and held her to him. Lily moaned and it fuelled desire within him that James could barely hold in check. All the years of pent-up desire and sexual frustration threatened to burst out of him as they kissed there on the sofa. Somehow, she ended up in his lap with one of his hands on her bum and the other cupping one of her breasts. It was blissful._

_That is, until her father interrupted them._

"Oi, Prongs! Get your sorry arse outta bed!" came Sirius' voice from the kitchen.

Ever since James' father was admitted to St. Mungo's, James had stayed at Sirius' flat in London. It was close quarters for the two of them, but it allowed them to have some well deserved bloke time. He felt guilty leaving his mother, but she insisted and made arrangements to stay with her great-niece.

"Yeah, yeah, keep your pants on," James yelled back and rolled off the couch where he'd been sleeping for the past week. "Looks nice out. Good omen, I hope."

James found Sirius in the kitchen, but he wasn't alone. His friend's companion was perched on one of the kitchen chairs, her legs curled under her and she wore one of Sirius' old t-shirts.

"Hi, James," purred Hestia Jones. "You snore like a troll, you know that?"

James watched as Hestia uncurled herself and rose from the chair, clutching her coffee cup. He felt his face warm as he noticed her knickerless crotch right before she stood.

"I'm going to take a shower. I might be up for some company." She swatted Sirius on the arse. "Or two." James backed away before she could swat him on the behind, whistling a happy tune as she made her way to the bathroom.

Once she was out of earshot, James turned toward Sirius hissing, "What the hell was that all about?" James' eyes widened and he was livid.

"Her? Oh come on, James," Sirius chortled. "You were at the pub last night. She picked me up."

"She's my cousin!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "James, _everyone_ is your cousin. I think she's mine, too, somewhere on the bloody family tree. Now excuse me while I go clean up," he said slyly, making his way to the bathroom.

Once Hestia cleared out, a mere two hours and several screams of ecstasy later, James watched while Sirius scrambled to get everything into his trunk.

"You should have packed last night, mate," James scolded, ducking out of the way as Sirius' possessions flew into the trunk.

"Oh stuff it! You could help, you know!"

"But that wouldn't be nearly as fun as watching you, Padfoot," James answered. "Hurry up, mate. I've gotta be there early."

"Yeah, early for Lil-eee," teased Sirius, earning him a flip and a turn upside down in the air, courtesy _Levicorpus_. "Lemme down, you toss pot! I heard you moaning in your sleep the other night, so obviously things have progressed nicely."

James shook his head in annoyance and did the counter-curse, sending Sirius crashing to the floor with an _oomph_. He then flicked his wand at the remainder of clothes and books, and they flew into the trunk, folding and organizing themselves neatly inside. Sirius smiled and locked the trunk before placing a levitation spell on it and following James into the kitchen. Taking one last look around the flat, Sirius turned to James.

"Well, we'll be back at Christmas, yeah?"

"Too right," replied James, clapping his friend on the back before Disapparating.

The train station was relatively quiet when they reappeared, as it was only ten-thirty. After quickly piling their stuff on a trolley, they made their way to the platform and the waiting Hogwarts Express, red and shiny, like a fresh-faced first year. That was one of James' favourite things about going back to school. The train represented everything right and wonderful with the world, and it was what brought her into his life.

James pushed his trolley to the train and loaded his trunk and duffles into the luggage compartment before making his way toward the prefect car. Once inside, he placed his bag on the table to retrieve the parchments he'd written on at Lily's house. He smirked at one he'd doodled on while trying to pay attention to the discussion Lily was leading. Her voice captivated him like a Siren lures a sailor to the rocks of certain death. There was no cure for Lily and every time he kissed her that day, he felt himself fall further and further under her spell.

He was startled out of his thoughts by the door of the compartment sliding open to reveal Remus and Sirius.

"Hmmm, nice digs," Sirius said, his eyes roving over the chairs in all four House colours and the large oak table bolted to the floor. "Wonder what it's like to shag in here!" He waggled his eyebrows.

"Shut up, you big wanker!" James said, more irritated with his friend than he'd been in a long time. "Maybe you outta suggest it to Moony here. He's the one who finally got laid over the hols."

Sirius' dark eyes quickly shifted to Remus and could have bored into his soul if it was possible. Sirius' mouth opened several times, but no words came out.

"Perhaps I should have done it earlier. The image of seeing you speechless is the best remedy for my sour disposition," Remus stated flatly and without expression as he sat down on one of the Gryffindor coloured chairs. "And Sirius?"

Sirius stared back.

"Your mouth is open," Remus pointed out before placing his feet on the table in front of him, crossed at the ankles, looking utterly pleased and proud of himself.

Sirius made a dash across the compartment, most likely to accost Remus when a lovely laugh made James whack him across the back.

Lily, already wearing her school robes and uniform, had just entered the compartment and he had no desire to subject her to his friends' behaviour. He looked up and her and beamed, joy bubbling up inside him and her presence.

"Er…hey there, Lily," James said, walking over to her and taking the bag from her hands and placing it on the table. "So, you two really should leave. Lily and I have a meeting to plan. And Remus, be back at 11:30 for the meeting, okay?"

Sirius shook his head at James' remark and leisurely strode across to the door.

"Go easy on him, Evans, he's the only one we've got." He motioned for Remus and the two of them left the compartment, heads close together, a plan clearly forming in their minds.

James watched as his friends left the compartment and once the door slid shut behind them, a sense of foreboding enveloped him, accompanied by a tremendous amount of silence. Silence was always uncomfortable for him; he had thrived on noise from the time he was a small child. His parents never told him to be quiet or to sit still. That was the greatest part of having older parents; they let him get away with anything.

But silence was different. He felt as if Lily could hear his heartbeat or his mind thinking of all the wicked things he wanted to do with her. If it stayed quiet much longer, she might regret walking in the door.

"Sorry about him. Sirius has been a right arse lately."

Lily smiled. "He was rather pleasant and not annoying in my opinion," she quipped.

They continued to stare at each other. James took a moment to look her over. Her hair was held back by a clip or something, and there were a few strands of hair hanging loose. He preferred her hair down, flowing free around her shoulders and down her back. Her blouse was loose at the neck, showing him a wide expanse of her creamy skin and the colour of the tie accentuated her colouring. While the shirt fit her, James was sure it was a little tighter than normal around the chest area. He then remembered the feel of that soft breast under his hand and he groaned inwardly.

"So, James, have you got the agenda?" she asked, thankfully breaking the silence.

"Er…well, yeah." He began shuffling through his bag until he found what he was looking for. He held it out to her and she reached for it, her fingers brushing against his, sending tingles up and down his body.

With a whistle and a sharp lurch, the train moved forward, sending Lily toppling into James' waiting arms. She looked up, and it took all of his restraint to keep from kissing her right there, or even more, if he was truly honest with himself.

"S-sorry…" she whispered, looking up at him, eyes wide and so very…sexy. Much to his disappointment, she stepped away from him. "Er, maybe we should get ready for the meeting." She turned her attention to her own bag and set about retrieving her notes and a sheaf of papers with the timetables to hand out to the prefects.

_Damn_, he swore to himself and sat at the table next to her, too mad at himself to really concentrate on the meeting that would happen in a few moments.

The prefects began filing in, and James made a point of greeting Snape cheerily, bringing a look of utter disgust on the other boy's face. James was well-behaved, in his opinion, and avoided making any remarks that would be cause for additional tension. The meeting went off without incident and James very nearly shoved Remus out of the compartment once it was concluded. He had to ask her before he lost his nerve.

Lily was putting her things back in her bag, and he watched her intently. She was so organised, even as she packed up her bag. It was a bloody turn on. Taking a deep breath, he closed the distance between them and placed his hand on the small of her back, causing her to jump slightly.

"Yes?" she asked once she settled down.

Summoning all the Gryffindor courage in his bloodline, he took a deep breath.

"Lily, would you be my girlfriend?"

Silence followed his question, making him nervous, mad, and ashamed all at the same time. _It was stupid to ask her_, he thought. _Blokes don't ask a bird to be his girlfriend…they just become a girlfriend. Right_?

"What did you say?"

That wasn't the answer he'd anticipated and his heart sank. He had to get it out or it would fester inside him like an ache that wouldn't go away. Gone was the confident man he usually was, to be replaced by the shy, insecure boy he was on very rare occasions.

"Lily, I've been asking you this for five years now. This'll be the last time, I promise." He looked up at her, hoping beyond hope that her usual answer would not follow. "Will you go out with me?"

Over the past five years, he'd asked her this question at least once a week, and every time, there was hope inside him that she'd say 'yes.' However, this was the only time he thought that she'd turn him down. She'd say 'no' and he'd have to be content with being her friend.

"Yes," came her whispered answer. "Yes, I'll go out with you, James."

He stood there stunned, either unable or unwilling to move from the spot. Even though his feet remained still, his mouth formed the biggest smile James had ever worn. He felt his heartbeat speed up and his blood raced though his veins. With a shake of his head, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her firmly, soundly and enthusiastically.

Minutes, hours, or several sunlit days passed before they pulled apart, flushed and breathing heavily. Lily's hair was coming out of her clip and he watched in amusement as she went to straighten it. Oh, how he adored her.

"Sorry 'bout that," he teased. "Just got carried away. You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that."

She blushed again, making her skin fairly glow.

"I can't believe I actually said I would." She laughed lightly and took his hand. "But can we not shout it from the Astronomy Tower just yet?"

James' laughter echoed through the compartment, blending with hers.

"I…I think I can curb my enthusiasm," he said once their laughter died down a bit. "But I can't say that I won't keep it from the other three."

"James," she said in a tone full of warning, "I'm not going out with them. I don't want them tagging along all the time."

"Believe me, I won't want them around when I want to kiss you." He pulled her closer. "And I want to do a lot of kissing."

She cocked her head to the side and eyed him warily. "Please tell me we won't be kissing _all_ the time." Her smile told him she was merely teasing him.

"Maybe not all the time but some of the time. Is that okay?" He ran one hand down her smooth, shiny hair.

"Definitely," she said with a devilish light in her eye. "Can't think of a better use of your mouth than that."

_Oh you don't know the half of it, Lily._


	5. OuttakeMeeting Daddy

_Without saying a word, she shook her head and closed the distance between them, touching his lips with hers. He was startled at first but then kissed her back, careful to keep his ardour in check. The last thing he wanted to do was get carried away. They were, after all, in her parents' study…well, more specifically, her father's. _

_She opened her mouth and their tongues met. He moved his hand from her thigh to the back of her head and held her to him. Lily moaned and it fuelled desire within him that James could barely hold in check. All the years of pent-up desire and sexual frustration threatened to burst out of him as they kissed there on the sofa. Somehow, she ended up in his lap with one of his hands on her bum and the other cupping one of her breasts. It was blissful._

_That is, until her father interrupted them._

* * *

"Pardon me?"

I fell onto the floor and James swore brilliantly.

"Daddy!"

I tugged my shirt down and stood up awkwardly. James remained on the sofa, obviously flustered, his face red as he shifted in his seat. I hoped that the magnificent hard-on that I had sat on not thirty seconds ago had dwindled. His eyes were wide in embarrassment, and I didn't have to be a Legilimens to know that he wished he were anywhere but here.

"Lily," Dad said in a tone that reminded me of when I was caught opening my Christmas presents in November. "I assume this is James?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

_Shit._ He only crosses his arms like that when he's about to blow up or seethe silently. My money was on seething.

James leapt up from the sofa, swallowed purposefully, and extended his hand to my father.

"Mister --" James squeaked, cleared his voice and started again. "Mister Evans. Nice to meet you."

Dad hesitantly took James' hand, then shook it vigorously. I could tell by looking at their forearms that they were engaged in some sort of gripping contest. _Men_.

"Easy to see where Lily gets her good looks," James said brightly, wearing a crooked grin.

I cringed and slapped my forehead. He's digging himself a nice, deep grave. Hope was beginning to fade quickly. Dad released his hand and recrossed his arms.

"Make sure you tell her mother that." Dad eyed him warily and James' eyes widened as he realized his gaff. "And it appears that you appreciate those good looks as well."

" Er, uh...Your daughter is very attractive, sir," James replied, his face still red. The poor boy looked mortified, and all I could do was stand there while my father went into military mode.

"And I assume that your parents brought you up correctly when dealing with attractive young ladies?"

"Dad!" I exclaimed and he shot me a glance that made me feel as if I was eight again.

"Yes. They're old, so yes, they...Bring…flowers…?" James put his hands behind his back murmured a few words and withdrew a bouquet of daisies, handing them to me. "Hold…doors open. Well, I just charm 'em to stay open. You know… wizard." James smiled lopsidedly, hoping to lighten the mood in the room.

Dad was still not impressed. James cleared his throat, ready to say something else. _Dear God, let him shut up_!

"Yes, that is important."

"And, of course," James began, looking extremely serious, "they taught me to keep my pecker in my pants until we're married."

_Someone, kill me now!_

Once the words were out of his mouth, James realized what he'd said. He had never been one for thinking before he spoke, and this trait certainly didn't earn him any points with my father. With his mouth open, James looked at me, silently begging me to rescue him from the situation.

I looked at him pointedly and mouthed, 'Just leave,' hoping he would understand what I meant.

"What? What'd you say, Lily?"

Did I mention that subtlety was never one of his strong suits, either?

"I think we're done for today, James," I said, emphasizing my words carefully. James finally cottoned on and began gathering his things.

"I should say so." Dad turned on his heels and left the room, leaving the door open.

"I get my looks from my _dad_? Fuck, James, do you _think_ with that brain?" I shoved my own things into my bag, careful not to touch his fingers.

"Guess I lost too much blood flow. It was all down south, you know!" he spat back.

"Well, then you should have been thinking a lot clearer, since that's obviously where your _brain_ is located, Potter!" I crossed my arms over my chest, knowing that's where his attention lay.

"It's all your fault, you know!"

"_Me_? Who was the one with his hand on my tit?"

"Well, who was grinding against my dick like some—"

"Don't finish that!"

"You told me to, and I quote, 'Squeeze it, squeeze it!'" His bag was packed, and he swung the strap onto his shoulder, taking a step toward the door. I stepped in front of him.

"Well, if you didn't look so bloody hot I wouldn't—"

He cut me off by kissing me again, deeply, massaging my lips apart. I had no choice to comply. It really was unfair how skillful he was at kissing. My brain kept telling me to stop, but my body—_damn, my body_—was betraying me, causing me to melt into him as the kiss went on and on and…

"Goodbye, James," came my father's booming voice from the kitchen, which it so happened, was right across the hall from where we stood.

The two of us bent to retrieve his bag, knocking our heads together. Instead of crying out in pain, we both laughed. James looked at me and rubbed his head as he stood. Laughter came from behind us and I turned to find my parents hiding behind the newspaper.

"I—I'll see you on the first then," I stammered.

"Uh huh. So, well, we should probably get there early…you know, to get ready for the meeting?" He swallowed purposefully again.

"Yeah…yeah definitely want to meet you early." At his raised eyebrow, I blushed and added, "To get ready for the meeting, that is."

His head bobbed incessantly. "Sure."

"Prat. Go. Leave. I'll see you on the first," I said lightly, and swatted him on the arse. It was James' turn to blush. I laughed as I opened the door and ushered him out.

"Goodbye, Mister Evans!" he shouted before shutting the door shut behind him.

I could just make out my father's voice from the kitchen.

"And I'm sure I'll be seeing you again, James."

I certainly hoped so.


	6. Autumn

Changing Perceptions

_A James and Lily Fan-Fiction_

Part Four--Autumn

Having Lily Evans for a girlfriend was only slightly different than not having her as a girlfriend. She still studied entirely too much for any one person and she spent her free time admonishing anyone for having a little bit of fun, himself included. However, James did notice that since they "officially yet unofficially" started dating, she'd taken to wearing a bit of make-up on a daily basis, not too much thank you very much, and even smiled much more than she had in previous years. He liked to think he was the one who put that smile on her face; actually, she smiled quite a bit after their marathon snogging sessions in empty classrooms, secluded broom cupboards, or even in his dorm room.

She frustrated him like no other witch, yet excited him all the more. She was the one who always kept control, never letting things go too far or too fast. But when she did let him do something new, Merlin, it was bloody brilliant! Only a few days before, as they lay entwined on the grass under the beech tree, James inched his hand along the smooth skin of her thigh until it crossed the border of her skirt hem. He paused, broke their kiss and looked up at her, expecting Lily to grab his hand and pull it away, but what she did nearly made him come in his trousers. She did, in fact, take his hand, and instead of deterring it from its goal, she placed it on her scandalously thin knickers, where the heat and wetness of her arousal were unmistakable.

"Damn," he'd whispered in her ear before plunging his tongue inside the shell of her ear while his hand massaged her over her knickers. She squirmed beneath him, urging him on until she could bear it no longer and told him to put a finger inside her, which he did with enthusiasm, quickly bringing her over the edge and quieting her scream of pleasure with his mouth.

He smiled as he remembered the flutter of her body around his fingers, making his crotch grow tighter. He couldn't wait to see her again.

But it wasn't just the physical aspects that he adored about being with her. She challenged him, made him think, gave him new insights to things he never would have thought of.

"So why should I care about the bloody Americans? I mean, they're clear across the world," he pointed out one afternoon while she read to him from the _London Times_.

"Because, James," she began, her voice bearing the know-it-all tone that always turned him on, "the Americans and Soviets have enough nuclear missiles to blow up the world ten times. That's why you should care."

"That would never happen. Wizards wouldn't allow it."

She huffed and sent some of her hair flying. "Wizards can cause just as much destruction as Muggles. And hello, didn't you hear me tell you that Khrushchev was a wizard? He pushed Kennedy toward nuclear war in '62. I thought you paid attention in Muggle Studies."

He merely winked at her and gave her a crooked grin.

"Now I know who to ask when I have questions about the exam." He took her face in his hands and kissed her swiftly, yet deeply, making sure that no one saw him. Her blush was a great reward.

"OI, POTTER!"

James shook his head and focused on his surroundings. He was at Quidditch practice and a Bludger was heading straight for him.

"Fuck!" he swore and sent his broom flying to the left, barely missing the heavy ball. A whistle from the captain signalled for the team to land.

He touched down and easily swung his legs off the broom, propping it on his shoulder as he walked to join the rest of the team. The scowls from his teammates indicated that this would not be a pleasant discussion.

"What the bloody hell is up yer arse, Potter?" shouted Ian O'Ryan, captain of the Gryffindor team, and a right pillock in James' opinion. "Ye've been off in the land o' nod all practice."

"Shove off, Ian," James retorted. "I've got a lot on my mind."

"Think he just needs to let someone suck him off," added Steven Wyndham haughtily. "And since Evans won't do him—"

James cut him off with a swift right hook, landing squarely on Steven's jaw. Shrieks from the girls and encouragement from the males on the team were all too soon interrupted by a harsh voice from behind them.

"What is the meaning of this?" screeched Professor McGonagall, her lips pursed tightly and her robes flapping behind her.

"Pudder hibbee," sputtered Wyndham as blood spilled down his jaw from the cut on his lips.

"Potter?" She tuned swiftly in James' direction and he felt about a meter tall.

"Sorry," he muttered softly, hoping that would be all that was required of him.

"Pardon me, Mr. Potter? I don't think I heard your explanation, now did I?" McGonagall spat back at him. "As Head Boy, I'd expect better from you. Perhaps suspension from the match is in order?"

Groans and swearing followed her words and James' jaw clenched in irritation.

"He insulted Lily!" he blurted out, chest puffed up, ready to take on the tosser should he dare say anything more.

"Well, I hardly believe violence was the proper resolution to this. Twenty points from Gryffindor and a detention for you tomorrow night, Potter." McGonagall turned her attention to Wyndham and quickly fixed his lip, then looked at the entire team. "Potter will not be suspended and please don't make me regret wagering Professor Slughorn fifteen Sickles on the match."

The group of teenagers watched her return to the castle and once she was out of earshot, sniggers became giggles, giggles became laughter, and laughter gave way to guffaws. James and Steven eyed each other cautiously, neither of them laughing.

"I oughta bench ye fer that, Potter," Ian stated, "but I think McGonagall'd blow a gasket if I cost her money."

"You've got detention tomorrow?" screamed Sirius when James told him of his detention with McGonagall the next night. "It's full moon! You've never missed a full moon since fifth-year!" His voice bounced around the walls of the Gryffindor Common Room, causing them both to look anxiously around, not wanting others to cotton onto what Sirius was referring to.

"Yeah, I do! And I'd gladly take a hundred detentions for what that bastard—" he pointed at Steven Wyndham—"said about her!" James stared at the younger boy, who silently made his way to the boys' staircase and continued up it until he was out of sight.

"James, what's up with you and Lily anyways?" asked Peter, rifling through his Charms text. "You seem, I don't know, cosy lately."

James' ire quickly faded at the mention of her name and he leaned over to Peter.

"None of your business," he hissed quietly. It was very difficult to keep it from his friends that he was seeing Lily; they had few secrets between them and trusted each other implicitly.

"Oh come on," Peter whined, closing his book hard. "Since when have you been so secretive?"

He looked to Remus and Sirius for answers, but both of them quickly turned away, burying their noses in their respective books.

"Why aren't you telling me anything?" he shouted, drawing attention from the others in the room.

James took a deep breath and looked at each of his friends: Sirius, looking smug and barely containing a giggle, Remus, appearing to be nonchalant and not doing a very good job of it, and Peter, appearing irate and frustrated.

"First off, Wormtail, you were an arse this summer, what with your attitude and all. And second, why do I _have_ to tell you everything? I don't see you telling me what you were up to, hanging around with Yaxley, the big oaf," James spat.

Peter had begun spending time with Barney Yaxley at the end of the previous school year, causing a bit of a rift between the four Marauders. Yaxley swam in the same circles as Snape, Carrow, and the rest of the Slytherin crowd, who made it no secret that they fancied the mania spewed by You-Know-Who.

Peter's chair began to shake as his temper flared and Sirius placed a calming hand on his right shoulder.

"Hey, easy there, Wormy. Prongs is just frustrated, in the sexual way. Has been for years," Sirius teased, trying to lighten the mood. "What's the matter with you, Pete? You finally get pubes?"

"Fuck off, Padfoot!" Peter shrugged the hand off his shoulder and noisily gathered his things and stormed up the stairs.

"Yep," piped Sirius, "he got pubes."

Remus' head flew back as he let loose a loud and thunderous laugh which was followed by Sirius' own barking guffaw. James merely rolled his eyes at his friends and placed his books in his bag.

"Grow up, would you?" he huffed. "Come on, it's late anyhow. And we have Potions first thing."

"Yeah, I need to get some sleep, seeing as I'll be indisposed tomorrow evening," Remus stated, his face wearing a worried expression.

"Oh, Moony. Your furry little problem got you all itchy?" teased Sirius, making James' anger lessen a bit. "Did you forget the flea powder again?" The three of them laughed together, the previous tension forgotten.

James looked at his two best friends and thought of Lily. He wanted to be completely honest with her and there were really only two things that she needed to know: Remus was a werewolf and the rest of the Marauders were Animagi. Taking a deep breath, he stopped his friends' movement towards the stairs.

"Hey, uh, can I tell you two something?"

Remus paused in his task of packing his bag. "What is it?" he asked quietly.

"I want to tell her," James said, the knots in his stomach beginning to twist and turn uncomfortably.

"Tell who what?" Sirius asked, his eyebrows raised in curiosity.

James sighed and cocked his head to the side, hoping they would understand. When neither of them answered, James admitted, "Lily. I want to tell her about…about us."

"Ah, Prongs, she's not gonna like hearing that we're together," Sirius quipped, ruffling James' hair, which James promptly slapped away.

"Sirius…come on, leave him alone," Remus chastised. "James, if we told her, then we'd have to tell her about me." James had never seen his friend look so worried.

"Moony, this is Lily we're talking about. We can trust her," James urged. "I want to be honest with her."

"Can we? She is, after all, an old friend of Snivellus'. What if she runs off to him and spills it all?" Sirius added, his voice full of irritation.

James was gobsmacked.

"Padfoot! They haven't been friends for a long time, and you know it!" James shouted, unable to hold in his reaction. "She's one of the most honest people I know…that we all know. If you can't trust her, who can you trust?"

His eyes went from Remus to Sirius and back again, silently pleading for them to agree with him.

"And…and why, exactly, do you all of a sudden want to be completely honest with our Head Girl? Hmm?" Sirius cocked his head to the side; it was difficult to tell whether he was still pissed off or was toying with him.

With a heavy sigh, James sat down on the chair he'd vacated earlier and tried to organise his thoughts. He really wanted to tell them he and Lily were seeing each other. He hated having to keep that from his two best friends; the three of them hid nothing from each other. While Peter was their friend as well, his behaviour and his new 'friends' made James' trust waver over the last few months. James also knew that if he and Lily were to have any kind of relationship beyond school, he had to be completely honest with her, and that meant sharing his secret and, ultimately, Remus' as well.

"We...Lily and I…we're dating," he finally admitted, a goofy grin spreading his face giddily.

"Pay up, Padfoot," Remus said cheekily. "Come on, ten Knuts."

"What?" James asked. "You knew?"

Sirius leaned over and hit James on the forehead.

"He's dumber than we thought, Moony. Of course, we knew, you twat," Sirius teased. "We only bet on when you'd finally tell us. I bet you'd wait until after the Quidditch match against Slytherin, Wormtail bet that you'd cave by Christmas, and Moony, here, knew you'd fold before the end of September." He dug inside a pocket it his bag, retrieving some coins and tossing them to Remus.

"You had absolutely no faith in me, Moony? Thought you knew me better than that," James said as he watched the bronze Knuts fly through the air and land in Remus' hand.

"Nope, none at all. And speaking of the fair Ms Evans, I do believe it's time for us to take our leave, Padfoot," Remus said, turning to the portrait hole, which revealed a weary-looking Lily.

James didn't watch his friends ascend the stairs; he only had eyes for her. A quick look around the common room told him they were alone.

"Tough night on rounds?" he asked, taking her bag off her shoulder and leading her over to the sofa near the dying fire.

Lily smiled at him and settled in next to him, wrapping an arm around his chest as he leaned back into the corner of the sofa. He began absently stroking her hair as she closed her eyes.

"Damn Slytherins," she muttered in the middle of a yawn. "A group of 'em had a little party right outside the kitchens. House-elves were stupid enough to give them Butterbeer and mead. Got drunk right there in the corridor."

James had a difficult time restraining his laughter. If it had been him, he'd have used the Map and found a more suitable place for the party.

"How old were they?" he managed to get out.

"Are you laughing?" She sat up and look at him with wild eyes and began to huff as she breathed, which only made him stare at her chest. "Hello, James? Up here! Look at me, not my tits!"

Lily lifted his chin and James gathered his composure. Her eyes, while staring at him angrily, were also full of mischief, a wonderful combination in his opinion.

"Never, m'dear," he said smoothly, leaning into her and kissing her lightly. He could feel her smile under his lips and he pulled her closer, running a hand down her back.

Lily opened her mouth, inviting his tongue into her mouth, and she sighed as it raked across hers. She held his head in her hands, deepening the kiss even more, and slid into his lap. He felt his jeans tighten, making him groan and shift his hips as they kissed, moving her away from his crotch. This was not the time.

She pulled away and pressed feather-light kisses along his neck, taking some of his skin inside her mouth and sucking on it eagerly. There would be a mark, he knew that much, but he didn't care. He'd wear it with pride.

For what seemed like hours, they continued to exchange kisses and caresses until it became quite clear that things were progressing at a dangerous pace. One of them had to stop before something happened. James opened his eyes, finally taking in his surroundings.

Lily lay on her back, underneath him, her school robes in a pile on the floor, along with her Gryffindor tie, her shoes, and sweater vest. Her shirt was unbuttoned, revealing her white bra. He couldn't help himself and began mouthing the flesh above the cup, earning him a groan of pleasure from deep within her throat and a squeeze in his groin.

He reluctantly pulled away from her, taking in his own state of undress. The t-shirt he wore had long ago joined her robes on the floor and the zipper and button of his jeans were open, revealing his red boxer shorts and an over-eager cock.

"James…" Lily purred. "What's wrong?" She sat up and straightened her shirt, buttoning two of the buttons in the wrong buttonholes.

"No—nothing. We just…can't. Not…now," he stammered, sighing heavily as he fell back against the cushions on the opposite side of the sofa.

"But…" Lily sat up and scooted next to him, the scent of her arousal drifting up to his nostrils, muddling his thinking. "But I've done it before." She sounded as if she were pleading with him to take it further.

_That was unexpected_, he thought. Then he had a terrible thought: _Did she do it with Remus?_

"It…it wasn't Remus, if that's what you're thinking," she said, her voice not holding any hint of irritation. "It was another boyfriend…a Muggle."

Somehow, that revelation was not as comforting as he was sure she had intended it to be.

"Really?" he asked in a high voice that embarrassed him.

Lily looked at him, head cocked to the side, and climbed up in his lap again, making him close his eyes to the sight of her tousled hair and kiss-swollen lips which were threatening to make him shove aside any thought of reigning in their passion. He took a deep breath and pulled her down against his chest, careful not to rub her enticing bum against his erection.

"Well, we only did it twice," she admitted, "and it wasn't very good." She pulled a face: half smile and half grimace.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, kissing her cheek. "He was an idiot."

James shook his head, silently berating the nameless boy who was selfish and had left her obviously wanting more.

"How'd you know?" She tried to smile but it was obvious that there was pain in her voice.

Placing a hand on her cheek, James met her gaze and gathered his thoughts. "Lily," he began, "there's nothing worse than a bloke being selfish."

She bit her lip and sighed.

"Who…who were you—"

"Doesn't matter," he interrupted. "Not important."

"How many?" she asked, looking away from him.

"Lily, it's not important," he repeated, turning her face back toward him.

"Do I sleep in the same room with any of them? Merlin knows you've got the reputation for it!"

James winced at the tone of her voice.

"That's Sirius…not me," he pointed out. "Only two, if you really must know. And no…no one in your room." He felt like an ass having this conversation, but it was bound to come up sooner or later.

She stared at him, her mouth open, as if she didn't believe a word that came out of his mouth.

"Only…only two?" Lily was never flustered and seeing her act like this was a completely new experience for him.

"Yeah."

"And…and did you love either of them?" Her voice began to crack and his heart ached as he saw the tears beginning to form in her eyes.

He shook his head in answer to her question. "The first one…she was…she was older. Taught me a lot." He smiled fondly at the memory of his time with her the summer between his fourth and fifth years. He waited for Lily to say something, but when she remained silent, he continued, "The other girl…she and I, well, it was just a few times and we stopped after a few weeks. She did it to get her boyfriend mad."

Her eyes widened and he knew she had puzzled it out. Remus was right; she did know who he dated and when.

"Nar—"

"Doesn't matter," he interrupted again, placing a finger on her lips to silence her protests. "Lily, none of it matters anymore. She used me and I felt like shit afterwards. I'm here with you and I'm not going to jump into bed with you just to get a leg over. I want it to mean more than that with you."

Lily smiled weakly and ran the back of her hand over her eyes, taking the stray tears along with it.

"Sorry," she sniffed. "It's just…it's just…overwhelming. I always thought you were…a playboy."

He hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head.

"Yes, I dated a lot of girls, and yes, I talked about them in an un-gentlemanly way." He released her and looked her in the eye. "But let me tell you this, Lily Evans. I know more about you than any of those other girls and I never made the effort with any of them. When I wrote to you, I wanted to get to know you…the real you, not my fantasy of you. And now that I do, I don't want to do anything that will make you run. I care too much about you to let that happen. I want this…us to work. I've never wanted anything more."

* * *

"So you're not going to tell us anything, are you?" asked Mary from the other side of the table. "I mean, come on, Lily. You never got all that upset the other times he got hurt during a Quidditch match."

"Yeah," chimed in Pamela. "What's so special about James Potter now?"

Lily sighed at the memory of the Quidditch match yesterday.

_A roar went up from the crowd as Gryffindor scored another goal, leading Slytherin 110-90.__ She beamed as James flew by on his broom, waving to her in victory, the brief gesture making her blush. Ever since her first year at Hogwarts, she loved Quidditch. The thrill of it was something of a combination between football and rugby. But watching it now, with James on the team and as her boyfriend, it was all the more exciting._

_Play began once again and the players streaked across the crisp autumn air above the pitch. Slytherin was on the offensive, racing toward the hoops in a tight formation. James and the other Chasers sped towards them in an aerial game of chicken._

_Lily knew what was going to happen once she saw the Bludger head towards him. James was intent on his target, matching them move for move, intent in his tunnel-vision. The heavy ball sped toward him at break neck speed and clipped him on the shoulder with a crack that could be heard all the way down to the stadium. She cringed at the unmistakable sound and watched helplessly as he began to tumble to the ground._

"_James!" she screeched as angry and terrified tears began to flow down her cheeks. She withdrew her want to slow his descent, but Professor Smythe, the referee of the match, was quicker on the draw, allowing James to land softly on the grass below._

_Without__ thinking, without caring who saw her, Lily leapt over the students in front of her and scrambled down the flights of stairs and onto the pitch. Tears blinded her as she ran to the group of players surrounding James. Professor Smythe shouted for Madam Pomfrey, the new matron, and barked reprimands to those crowding around James. She was a few steps from him when she was caught up by a pair of arms._

"_He'll be fine, Lily."_

_She looked up to see Sirius comforting her._

"_He's had worse. You know that," he cooed, settling her nerves somewhat._

"_I…I just…it's he's…" she stammered. "He's Head Boy." Lying about her relationship with James was getting harder and harder these days._

_Sirius lifted her chin and smirked at her._

"_We know. James told us the other day," he admitted. "Blighter can't keep a secret to save his skin."_

"_Oh," was all she managed before she saw James being levitated by on a stretcher, accompanied by Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall. "James! Are you all right?" she asked him with her voice full of panic._

"_Hey…you," he said in a dreamy voice, his hand reaching out toward her._

"_He's been given a strong potion for the pain," explained Madam Pomfrey." I doubt he even knows who he is right now. Please, step aside."_

_All Lily could do was watch as James floated by with the nurse and the professor, most likely heading toward the castle._

"_We'll keep you posted," came a soft, reassuring voice. It was Remus. "You're a Marauder now. Family. And family sticks together." He put an arm around her and led her in the direction of the castle._

"_Too right," chimed in Peter, who was trailing a few steps behind. "He's tough. He'll be out of there in no time."_

_She knew it was true, but part of her couldn't help be unconvinced until she could touch and see him for herself._

"Hello…you in there, Lily?" asked Pamela as she waved a hand in front of Lily's face.

"Uh…what?" she answered, feeling slightly embarrassed and warmth rising up her neck.

"Not going to answer the questions, eh?" teased Mary, barely able to contain her laughter.

"Wha—what questions?"

She definitely knew what her friends were asking of her, but she wanted them to say it. Until then, she'd ignore it.

"You. Potter. Kissing. I know what I saw, my friend," stated Mary, inching her chair closer to Lily's. "In the common room. After your rounds. I came downstairs to look for you and you were sprawled out under him with your blouse unbuttoned."

_Shit_, she thought.

There was no hiding it now.

"Confess, Lily," urged Pamela. "You're a terrible liar. You're dating James."

"Shh! Not so loud!" she hissed, looking around at the tables of students whom she was sure were listening in to her conversation. "Fine. We are. Since the start of term. Now can we please get back to studying? I want to pass this exam," she answered with a huff, turning back to her Potions book.

"Lily, you could pass that test in your sleep." Pamela pulled the book away and shut it with a thump. "You lied to us…your best friends."

"Oh come on, Pam. I didn't exactly lie to you. I just…didn't tell you."

"A lie of omission is the same as a lie of commission," Mary said offhandedly, earning her a wad of paper tossed onto her head.

Lily was just about to say something but caught sight of Remus walking into the library, looking around and walking towards her.

"Er…excuse me, ladies, but I think Remus wants to talk to me," Lily said, causing her friends to turn toward him standing at the end of the row of stacks.

"Yeah, okay. I'll take your books back for you, okay? He looks entirely too serious for him," said Pamela, who began gathering Lily's things.

"Thanks," Lily answered and stood up from her chair and walked over to Remus, who placed a hand on her shoulder and led her toward the back of the library and into a broom cupboard.

Remus whispered, "_Lumos maxima_," and a light at the end of his wand lit the small room.

"What's going on? Is something wrong?" Lily asked anxiously. She found a pile of boxes and sat down. "Why'd you bring me in here?"

"Because I don't want anyone else to hear this," he answered softly, sitting down on the floor in front of her, his legs crossed lotus-style. "James wanted me to talk to you. No, no, no…he's fine," he said when she started to say something. "He, well, all of us…James, Sirius, Peter and I…wanted me to tell you something. Now, I have to know that you won't tell a soul about what I'm going to tell you."

"Of course, Remus. You know me better than that," she answered seriously. Remus' tone was a bit worrisome, especially since they'd spent so much time together in the past three years. "What is it?" Instinctively, she took hold of his hands.

"You know I'm not…well."

Lily nodded.

"And you've heard some theories as to why…"

Something in the way that he looked at her sent alarm bells off inside her head but she still said nothing.

"I want you to know that Severus is right. I'm…I'm a—"

"Werewolf?" she gasped, clasping her hands to her face in shock and falling off the box.

"Lily…Lily, calm down," Remus said soothingly. "Let me tell you what happened."

She couldn't speak. She knew it was irrational to be frightened; this was Remus, after all. He was one of the kindest, sweetest, gentlest people she knew.

"I was five years old."

An image of a much younger Remus, attacked by a foaming-at-the-mouth werewolf sickened her.

"He was angry with my father and on a chance meeting one moonlit night…Well, you can fill in the blanks," he said, almost glibly.

"But…but what do you do? You have to…to…" she stammered.

"Transform. You can say it aloud, you know." He paused and took a deep breath. "Dumbledore made…arrangements for me. I go to the Shrieking Shack and the Whomping Willow blocks the tunnel I take there." Remus watched her closely, gauging her reaction. "James and them…they found out second year."

"They did?" She was shocked, yet again. She could still hear Severus' rants over Remus' illness, the timing and such echoing in her ears. Never in a million years did she think it was true. "And Severus?"

"He just figured it out. He's a smart one," Remus mentioned with a slight chuckle. "James saved him from me."

"That's what that was all about? Damn, he should be kissing James' feet for that!"

Lily sprung off the floor and began pacing, rambling about Severus' stubbornness and idiocy about James and his friends.

"Well, he doesn't see it that way," he answered.

Lily was about to say something when the door opened, revealing James, Sirius and Peter.

"Ready for us, Moony?" asked James.

Suddenly, that nickname made complete sense.

Remus nodded and the other three joined them in the cupboard, squeezing into the small space.

"No use being crowded," said Sirius, waving his wand, enlarging the room and conjuring four soft armchairs. "Prongs, be a good boyfriend and set her on your lap."

Lily felt her cheeks burn and then found herself being grabbed from behind and tumbling onto James' lap. He kissed her cheek quickly and scooted over to share the chair with her.

"What's going on?" she whispered to James, feeling very cosy wrapped up there in his arms.

"There…there's more, Lil," James said softly, nodding at Sirius. Lily turned her attention to Sirius, confusion muddling her thinking.

"He told you that we found out in second-year that he was…afflicted," Sirius began with a bit of laughter in his voice, which lightened the mood substantially. "Well, we wanted to keep him company, but there was really only one way to do that without getting ourselves killed."

The four of them looked at her pointedly, urging her to think things through. Suddenly, she understood. Prongs…Padfoot…Wormtail…It couldn't be. Could it?

She felt a squeeze around her middle from James and she turned to him.

"Figure it out?" he said with a smirk, which only served to make her want to shoo the other three out and have him to herself in the broom cupboard. "Wormtail, show her."

Peter nervously stood up from his chair and took a deep breath. Right before her eyes, Peter transformed into a rat and scampered up her leg and into her lap.

"Oh…oh…Holy shit!" Her shout reverberated in the small room and frightened Peter, who jumped off her lap and onto the shelves that lined the walls. "Whe—when did you do that?" she exclaimed, her eye wild.

"Calm down, Lil," James reassured her, rubbing her back with his hand. "Sirius here is a big, hairy cur. Go ahead, show her, Padfoot."

Her attention was turned toward Sirius, who had been uncharacteristically quiet since the conversation started. In fact, he held himself in a completely stand-offish way that made her feel uncomfortable.

Sirius smiled and then changed into a large, black dog with, what she swore was, a broad, cheeky grin on his face.

Sirius, or rather Padfoot, walked over to Lily and began sniffing her. Intimately. James pushed his head away and kneeled before him on the floor.

"Keep yer nose off her!" James protested, giving the dog a thump on the ear and eliciting a sharp yelp.

"James, you know he can't help it," pointed out Remus. "I do it all the time."

"Well, I'm not your girlfriend when you do!" Lily answered sharply while James hugged her possessively.

Peter, as the rat, scampered down onto the floor and returned to his human state. "You should see Moony and Padfoot go at it sometime. Nothing funnier than some dog-on-dog action when they're both blokes!" He burst into fits of giggles and fell back to his chair.

It really was funny, and Lily couldn't help but laugh along with Remus, James, and Peter. Sirius, on the other hand, was obviously not amused and growled at the four of them before transforming back to himself.

"Very funny, Wormtail," Sirius said with great irritation, shaking his head to get his hair unmated. "You've sure been dipping into the funny juice lately, Wormy."

Sirius and Peter continued to banter back and forth, exchanging barbs and verbal jabs. Lily was too distracted by James' hands roaming over her arms and his hot breath against her neck. She closed her eyes and her head fell back and to the side, allowing James to kiss her throat. It was as if the rest of the room disappeared and it was just the two of them.

"Uh, you two want us to leave?"

She and James looked up quickly, startled by the intrusion into their private moment. Lily felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment, especially when she felt James readjust her position on her lap to conceal the erection from his friends that had developed a few minutes ago. Peter's face matched her own, she was sure, and, true to character, Sirius was stifling laughter while Remus merely looked away and investigated a spider web in the corner of the room.

"As a matter of fact, yes," James answered, his voice strong and rugged. Lily was turned on immensely.

"Fine, fine," Remus muttered as he changed the broom cupboard back to its original size, yet leaving James' chair in place. "Come on, you two. I think James wants to take advantage of the broom cupboard."

He waggled his eyebrows and led Sirius and Peter out the door, leaving the two of them alone.

"How's your shoulder?" she asked, settling into his side and draping her legs over the side of the chair.

"Fine," he said, his enticing mouth a mere breath away from hers.

"And...what's your Animagus form?" she asked, mentally hitting herself for not taking advantage of his plump, perfect lips so near to her own.

"Stag. Big, brawny twelve-point stag." His voice was a step above a whisper and breathy.

"Your…your Patronus," she answered, swallowing hard.

"Mmm hmm…"

They leaned in simultaneously and their lips met in a frenzied kiss. His hands held her head to him as he devoured her mouth, his tongue diving inside her mouth to meet hers. She eagerly allowed this assault on her mouth and her body. She allowed him to reach under her shirt and tug her bra aside. Her own hands went to work inside his t-shirt to spread across his chest. She moaned as he pinched a nipple and arched into his hands.

"Damn, Lily," he moaned into her mouth. "Want you…so…fucking bad."

"I know." She couldn't help it. There was something about James that made her desires burn brighter and hotter than for any of the other boys she'd dated. It was if he was the exact match for her spirit and nothing could deny the passion between them. Why had she denied him for so long? Why did she delay the sheer and utter pleasure she knew would be hers when she and James finally gave in…

"But…but not here. Not…time yet," he panted as he pulled away from her, making Lily groan. "Don't do that or I'll never get out of here with my pants on." He chuckled and set her onto the chair as he rose up, holding out a hand to her.

She regretfully took his hand and stood up, straightening her clothing.

"You're driving me mad, you know that?" he said smoothly, tucking some of her hair back behind her ear.

"Don't have to. You can do something about that," she reminded him, holding his hand against her cheek. She stared up at him and hoped that he'd read her meaning.

He broke eye contact and turned his head away, swearing and groaning at the same time.

"Let's go before Remus sends out a search party," James said abruptly, turning the know on the door.

The light of the library temporarily blinded her as he led her out and as her eyes readjusted, she felt the loss of his hand. The sound of a throat clearing startled her; it was Narcissa Black.

"Well, well, well, look what we have here," purred the Slytherin bitch. "A Mudblood? James, you can do better than that. And have. Surely you don't forget."

Lily's temper flared and her jaw clenched, making her itch to whip out her wand and hex the blonde witch.

"I think she's a step up, personally. She's not a snow queen like _some _people," James added with a sneer. "She has feelings."

He put an arm around her shoulder and steered her away from Narcissa, heading toward the door. Once inside the corridor, James pushed her against the wall, placing his mouth very near her ear and neck.

"Don't ever think that she's better than you," he said in a low whisper that made her skin quiver. "She's a manipulative bitch, that one. Be careful around her."

He pulled away and took her hand, leading her back toward Gryffindor Tower, remaining silent the entire way. She chanced a few, quick glances at him, noticing the way his jaw was set, the slight squint to his eyes and the way his glasses sat perfectly centred on the bridge of his nose when they were usually askew. His good mood evaporated upon meeting up with Narcissa in the library; she knew he was embarrassed that she'd figured out about his relationship with her and having to come face to face with it right after a brilliant snog and grope was not something he had counted on.

Lily stopped, causing him to fall back a bit, turning to her sharply.

"What?" he said, the irritation oozing off him like molasses.

"I…I'm not mad, if that's what you want to know," she said feebly. "You had a life before me."

He stood, dumbstruck, in front of her with his mouth gaping open and his eyes wide in astonishment.

"I don't want to talk about it, okay? It was a mistake and I'm not proud of it. Just pretend it never happened," he barked. "I do."

She rolled her eyes at him, which only served to irritate him further.

"Fine. I don't care who the bloody hell you fucked!" She threw up her arms in exasperation. "Oh, and while we're angry with each other, what was up Sirius' arse tonight? Couldn't say much to me in there, could he?"

That was stupid to bring up, she knew that much, but his mood had rubbed off on her and she couldn't help herself.

"You really wanna know? Well—"

"James!" came a shout from down the corridor, along with the sound of shoes hitting the stone floor in a rhythmic run. It was Sirius. "Ja—James…important…" He bent over and placed his hands on his thighs, panting in exertion. "Just came for you." He reached inside his back pocket and handed James an envelope.

"What is it?" He flipped it over and examined the red wax seal on the back. His face immediately fell.

"Wilbie…Wilbie brought it," Sirius answered, his breathing calmer, yet his lower lip began to quiver.

"Wil—Wilbie?"

Lily looked at James and then at Sirius. If she wasn't mistaken, both of them were starting to tear up.

"James?" she whispered to him.

He turned away, ripping into the letter as he took four steps away. She looked to Sirius, but his face was unreadable. She was just about to say something when she heard James howl and then saw him drop to the floor, the letter tossed aside. Sirius ran to him and the two of them huddled there on the floor, their cries sending shivers up and down her spine. Taking a few steps forward, she picked up the discarded letter, not wanting to read it, but knowing that whatever it was in that letter meant a great deal to James.

_James---_

_Please come home._

_Your daddy's dead._

_Mummy_

* * *

James sat at his father's desk, alone in the dark, He'd closed the curtains to block out the sunshine of the warm and bright autumn day. It was as if the world was laughing at his misery and grief.

He hadn't expected to feel this way. His father's prejudices, which so recently annoyed him, had convinced James that he wouldn't grieve when his father died. When the reality of it hit him, he was overwhelmed. Reading his mother's note shook him to the core and cry9ing with Sirius' arms around him soothed him greatly. He felt no shame in crying like a baby; it was his father, after all, his childhood hero, his da-da, the man who bought him sweets at Quidditch matches and who spoke to him with such love. That was the father he missed.

Sirius had gone home with him, which brought a rare smile to his mother's face. There were times in the past year or so when James felt she liked him better. But after thinking about it, realised she doted on him to make up for the family who'd abandoned him.

Remus and Peter showed up for the funeral, which made James feel much better, his grievance with Peter left behind at Hogwarts. The four of them had sat together in this room for hours the night after the funeral while James' mother was tucked in safely for the night in her bed. They drank Firewhisky and drowned their sorrows while they remembered times with Cornelius Potter, before he became a crotchety, bigoted old man. But it was a conversation about Lily that stood out the most in his mind.

_"She could still tell Snivellus, you know," Sirius commented as he lay sprawled out on the floor._

_"And what if he tells someone else?" Peter asked, sharing some of Sirius' doubts. "Just because we trust Lily, doesn't mean that she deserves that trust." He took another swig of his drink, wincing as it ran down his throat._

_"That's low, Wormtail!" James spat back, ready to hex him._

_"She won't," was Remus' calm answer. "And he won't, either."_

_"How do you know?" asked Sirius, asking the question before James could._

_A smug look came over Remus' face; he knew something._

_"Remus…Remus, what happened?" James asked anxiously. "Not that I object to anyone messing with the greasy git, but come on. How can you be so sure?"_

_Remus sat up and cleared his throat while motioning for his friends to gather round him._

_"Lily and I had rounds the other night—the night after you two left," he said, nodding at James and Sirius. "Severus was on for Slytherin and we met up on the third floor. Well, you know Severus…he took the opportunity to sneer and put the both of us down. Lily'd had enough and got angry at him."_

_"Good for her," James commented, picturing his wild red head in the heat of battle. Now there was a turn-on._

_"Lily took me and Severus aside—"_

_"Wait! He does rounds with Narcissa! She knows, too?" James leapt to the floor. He couldn't imagine the scene at school when the bitch revealed all their secrets._

_"Just listen to me!" Remus pulled James back down onto the floor. "Narcissa was…taken care of. Lily confounded her and put a sleeping charm on her."_

_The four of them laughed and James felt a great sense of relief wash over him._

_"She asked for Severus to come beside us and grabbed his hand. She turned to me and asked me for help. She did an Unbreakable Vow."_

_"WHAT???" James, Peter and Sirius shouted._

_"She made him vow to never reveal my secret or tell anyone about you three. She added a nice twist, too," he explained. "The spell will still be in effect even if something happens to her." Remus smiled proudly and finished his glass of whisky._

_James was shocked. Why would Lily do that, and more importantly, why would Snape agree to something like that? She must have promised him something he wanted bad__ly; his head spun at the possibilities._

_"What'd he get out of it? Snape's a git but he's not stupid," James pointed out, causing Sirius and Peter to nod in agreement._

_Remus slowly rose up from the floor and crossed the room to calmly refill his glass. Without turning around, he said, "Severus will never have rounds with you, James. Lily will be his new Potions partner. He insisted on the last one."_

_"That's it?" Sirius asked incredulously. "Potions and staying away from James? Come on. There's more to it than that."_

_"Why should there be?" Peter added. "Right now, Snape's focused on becoming a Potions master, and pairing up with Lily will help him achieve that. Not having to worry about spending time with James merely helps lower his stress level. Makes perfect sense to me, actually."_

_James and Sirius stared at Peter. Perhaps spending time with the Slytherins gave him insight as to how their minds worked. Interesting._

_"Exactly," agreed Remus. "He knows that this year is a huge stepping stone toward the life he wants. The great things he longs for."_

_James' head was swimming with the news of what Lily had done, but there was still something that bothered him._

_"Why?" he blurted out. "Why would Lily do something like that for me? For my friends?"_

_Remus crossed the room and kneeled in front of James. "There was another part of the Vow."_

_James swallowed. "What?"_

_"She said, 'If you care about me at all, as a friend or otherwise, you must never interfere with my relationship with James. You must allow me to love whom I choose.' Severus hated that, but he agreed. He wants her to be happy, even it's not with him. Part of him, at least, is honourable."_

_The room was silent after that revelation. James couldn't get over the fact that she'd gone to such great lengths for him and his friends. She was amazing, his Lily. The bravery of a Gryffindor, the smarts of a Ravenclaw, and the loyalty known to Hufflepuffs were all mixed in with the ambition of a Slytherin._

James was startled out of his thoughts by the opening of the door and the sound of someone clearing their throat. It was Wilbie.

"Master James," she said, bowing low. "Wilbie has a letter for Master James." She placed the envelope on the mahogany desk in front of him before slowly backing out of the room. He glanced at the writing and smiled. It was from Lily.

_Dear James—_

_I wish I could have gone to the funeral but since the Head Boy was gone, I had double duties._

_I'm so sorry about your father. I hear he was a generous man and I know he loved you, despite the things he said this summer._

_There's nothing I can really say right now to make you feel better, but I want you to know that I'll be here when you get back. Sirius said you were staying at home for a few more days to help your mum get things settled. Please don't stay away too long. I miss you terribly. But what's really cruel, is that on Friday, I have to leave for my sister's ugly wedding._

_Remus told me that you know about the Vow I made with Sev. He can be irrational and quick-tempered and I knew I couldn't risk your safety or that of your friends, knowing that I was perhaps the only one who can control him. He'll leave you--and us—alone. Please don't be angry over what I did. It was the only way to ensure things don't go horribly wrong._

_Also, I never apologised about bringing up Narcissa that night when we left the library. You're entitled to share things in your own time. I just wanted you to know that._

_All my love,_

_Lily_

Love.

That's what was bothering him. He'd known the love of his parents, his extended family and his friends. But love, real love, the kind of love that makes people write love songs and poems, has thus far eluded him, Until now.

After being with her every day, and then here at home without her, James was very nearly sure that he was in love with Lily Evans. He missed her eyes and the sheer honesty within them; he missed the way her face lit up when she was happy; he missed the way she stuck out the tip of her tongue out of her lips when she was concentrating; he missed her fiery, red hair that showed her unyielding spirit and represented her temper. Yes, he missed kissing her (Merlin, he loved kissing her) but that paled in comparison to how he felt about her. Just her.

It was funny, really, that once he began dating her and was free to kiss her whenever he wanted, that it was the ordinary, quiet moments that he missed the most: reading under the beech tree where he'd carved their initials, sitting at a table in the librry working on homework, snuggled together before the dying fire in the common room fireplace. Just being with her made his life better.

That was settled then. He was in love.

"James?" came his mother's voice from the door.

"Hey, Mum," he said, retrieving his wand and parting the curtains.

"I'm going to miss you so when you leave Thursday morning," she said sorrowfully. "It's going to be so lonely here without your dad." She sat next to him and patted his hand.

"Oh, Mum. I could stay a few more days—"

"No! I won't hear of it! You've your studies to think about, dear," she reassured him with a trembling lip. "Margaret Bones is coming to spend a few days with me. She's bringing her granddaughter, Amelia, along." She smiled for the first time in days.

"How old is she now? She used to follow me around all the time," James remembered.

"That's because you're so handsome," she answered cheerily, causing him to blush.

"Mu-um!"

"You are." She glanced at the open letter on the desk and smiled. "From Lily?"

In the long hours since arriving home, the subject of Lily came up between them several times. It was amazing how accepting his mother was of Lily's lineage. 'Love knows no blood status,' his mother had said that night. 'If your heart feels it, there's nothing in the world, blood-status most of all, that can change its mind.'

She was wise, his mother, and it was a shame that this late in her life he should appreciate her for what she was: a strong, smart, independent and fair-minded woman.

"Yeah. But she has to leave for her sister's wedding on Friday, so I won't get to see her until she gets back," James said to the floor.

"Do you love her, Jimmy-Jam?"

He looked up, his eyes wide, but not from her use of his baby name.

"I…I think I do, Mum."

"Then I'd like to meet her. Invite her over during the Christmas holiday. I have to meet the young lady who's captured the heart of my only son," she said, smiling at him again. "Well, I have to go to the hospital to discuss the donation. Would you like to join me?"

She rose from her chair, a little stiffly, but she was still remarkably agile for a ninety-two-year-old woman.

"Sure." He stood and kissed the top of her head, which came to just underneath his chin. "And Mum?"

"Yes, dear?"

"I love you."


	7. Christmas

Changing Perceptions

_A James and Lily Fan-Fiction_

Part Five—Winter

_Christmas_

Lily watched the snow fall from her spot at the window seat, the flakes forming little drifts against the etched glass of the window. Even though winter was her favourite season, the past few weeks have been very solemn and mournful. After returning from home once his father's estate was settled, James was withdrawn, not just from her, but from his three best friends as well. Oh, he put on a good show, that was for sure, but she could always see that his smile never reached his eyes and his laughter wasn't as rich as it usually was.

She lay her head back, resting it on James' shoulder. The two of them could be found seated in one of the window seats, snuggled up underneath a quilt or crocheted blanket most nights. Nothing was said to "publicly announce" their relationship, but everyone knew, and if they didn't, they were blind. They held hands in the corridors; they sat next to each other at meals; they studied together and stayed up late talking (really, only talking). As far as their physical relationship went, things had paused for the time being and hadn't progressed beyond what was already familiar territory. She wasn't complaining; she loved spending time with him. There were just parts of her that wanted…more.

"Pretty, isn't it?" he asked her, leaning into her neck.

"Mmm hmm," she whispered and snuggled into him a bit more. "Looks like everyone left."

He turned his head toward the common room, which was now empty, save for someone's cat.

"Guess so. You tired?"

"No. I slept in late today, remember?" She never let herself sleep in on the weekends, but she'd been so emotionally drained after exams that she allowed herself the luxury.

"Turn around," he ordered softly, turning her toward him.

When she was looking at him, she found his eyes dark and…lustful. She swallowed against the rise of desire in herself.

"What?"

"I…I…oh, bollocks," he stammered, surprising her by kissing her forcefully on the mouth, startling her and arousing her at the same time.

Their tongues began a wild dance and their hands were busy with buttons and zippers as they tugged and pulled to get what they wanted. His mouth was on her bared breast, sucking the nipple into his mouth, hungrily sucking while she dipped her hands inside the back waistband of his jeans, savouring the feel of the firm flesh of his buttocks in her hands. One of his hands slipped inside her knickers and dipped into her, making Lily squirm.

"Mo…more! P—please!" She arched her back against the sensations he was causing inside her, the blood pounding in her ears.

"You…remember you said kissing…that kissing is the…the best thing I can do…with my…with my mouth?" James said between kisses to her neck, breasts and stomach.

Words were impossible and she nodded, remembering that conversation on the train at the beginning of September. She threaded her fingers through his hair to hold him against her chest.

"Well, there is something else I can do remarkably well with my mouth."

Her eyes grew wide and rolled back into her head as he laid her down on the window seat, which he had enlarged at some point during their snogging, and knelt on the floor before kissing her stomach and going lower and lower and lower until…

"Oh FUCK!" she screamed as his mouth began to tease her intimately. She squirmed under his oral assault until stars exploded behind her eyes and her thighs squeezed his head.

When the waves of passion subsided, she looked at James, who wore a broad, cheeky grin and was chuckling slightly. He crawled back up into the window seat and began kissing her neck.

"Enjoyed that, did you?" He was utterly pleased with himself.

With her breathing still ragged, she answered breathily, "Immensely." Seeing him like that, with that expression on his face and his eternally messy hair, emboldened her. "Lay back."

She didn't give him much choice and pushed him back onto the enlarged window seat and carefully slid his jeans and boxers down. He raised his hips, causing his cock to bounce once it was released.

"Lil…" he said hesitantly. She could tell he knew what she was going to to.

Lily watched in fascination as he grew, just from her looking at him. She'd never really seen one up so close before. Geoffrey, her former boyfriend, didn't show his to her before he took her virginity and the second time was much the same. Her eyes roamed over the strong muscle, taking in every detail, memorising the texture, colour, and size of it.

"It's…it's beautiful, James," she whispered.

Taking a deep breath, she lowered her head and awkwardly wrapped her mouth around him. He was larger than she thought and her gag reflex kicked in. She lifted up and then sank down again, careful to go slowly. James moaned and swore incoherently, his head thrashing back and forth while his back arched, sending him deeper.

"Pull…pull back," he coached and she did what she was told. "N—now, suck…like a straw."

He let out a fierce cry when she applied suction and then rubbed her tongue along the flesh. He whimpered and she took that as a good sign.

"Slide…slide up…SHIT!"

He pulsed within her mouth and her eyes widened, pulling her mouth off with a slurpy popping sound. She watched in fascination as the creamy, white fluid squirted and landed on his abdomen.

"Sorry about that," she said, a blush making its way up her neck and onto her cheeks. She sat back, a little embarrassed at what she had done.

As if sensing her mood, he sat up and gathered her in his arms, cooing soothing words into her ear.

"Don't be sorry, Lil. You…you're a quick study," he told her, his voice still a bit shaky with left over passion. "That…that was the first time, wasn't it?"

Lily lifted her head and nodded. "Both of them. So I did okay?" Even in sexual matters, she wanted to learn more, to improve on what she could already do. She would enjoy having James as her teacher.

* * *

Lily stood in front of the full length mirror in her dormitory room, turning from side to side, watching her dress swish around her thighs. Tonight was Professor Slughorn's Christmas party, and she was excited about spending the time with James. One problem with Hogwarts was that there were few social activities for the students other that Quidditch and a few clubs. The party for the privileged few of The Slug Club was the closest thing to a school dance or gathering, so she was taking advantage of it.

The dress she wore was originally the dreaded dotted Swiss that she wore for Petunia's wedding. The yellow looked good on her, she had to admit, but the fabric was all wrong. Much too summery and girly. So, with her friends' help, the dotted Swiss was transfigured into a golden taffeta. The sleeves, which originally went to her elbows, were nearly removed and capped sleeves took their place. The original neckline, which Lily dreaded to even think about, dipped low to reveal just a bit of cleavage. The full skirt was left primarily intact, falling to just above her ankles. Wizarding society wasn't quite ready for mini-skirts.

"You look great, Lils," observed Mary. "He's gonna die when he sees you."

Lily turned and studied her friend. Mary wasn't a member of The Slug Club and, therefore, wasn't going to the party. But there was something else making her look so…forlorn.

"Mary, what's wrong?" She sat down next to her on the bed. "You look…sad."

Mary took a deep breath and looked straight at Lily. "I thought I was in love with him. Back in third-year."

Lily was shocked. "James?"

"He was so nice and kissing him was…a dream," she admitted, making Lily nod her head in agreement. "He never took things too far—we were only thirteen, for Merlin's sake. But he made me feel beautiful."

"So…so you're jealous?"

"No! Honest, Lily. It just makes me sad that I couldn't make him look at me the way he looks at you—the way he's _always _looked at you. I've never had anyone look at me that way." A few tears escaped her eyes and she brushed them away with the back of her hand.

"What about Richard? I think you two are lovely together," she answered, trying to reassure her friend.

Mary had been dating Richard Sumners, a tall, athletic Hufflepuff in their year, since October and they appeared very happy together.

"He is, really," she said, sighing. "But he's so…careful."

Lily chuckled, understanding Mary's meaning. "Careful? Well, he is a 'puff after all."

"At least he's not a poof!" The girls giggled and Mary leaned into Lily's shoulder. "I want to do things but he's so…honourable." She shook her head, still wearing the smile.

"Don't know what to tell you then, Mare. Have you…initiated things?"

Mary never answered as a loud knock on the door startled them.

"What?" Lily barked.

The door opened at they saw a little second-year girl standing nervously in the doorway.

"What is it?" Lily asked softly. The poor girl looked scared out of her wits.

"Um…James Potter sent me up…he's tired of waiting," she stammered. "Those weren't his exact words, however. He was much more vulgar in his language, but I didn't think you'd appreciate hearing those sorts of word from me." She paused for a breath. "I also didn't want to lose points for Gryffindor. I haven't lost any all term and I'm not about to start. Anyway, he's waiting." She turned around and left, making her way down the stairs.

"Who was _that_?" Mary exclaimed.

Lily sniggered. "Luella Montrose. Second-year. She gets excited and starts rambling."

"Really? I hadn't noticed. If he's taken to begging Little Luella, you'd better get a move on." Mary gave Lily a push off the bed and she made her way toward the door.

Once outside the confines of the dormitory, Lily took a deep breath and made her way down the stairs, knowing that James was waiting for her. She could see that he was gathered with Remus and Sirius, both of whom weren't going to the party. She cleared her throat and met James' eyes.

"Wow."

"You look pretty good yourself," Lily answered.

He really did. He wore a set of black dress robes with velvet trim along the edge of the sleeves and along the collar. His crisp, white shirt was a sharp contrast to the outer robe and set off the royal blue cravat at his neck. She also noticed the gold pin on his tie, which she remembered was an heirloom handed down for generations. James had shown it to her the day before and explained that it was from the Peverell side of his family. The name rang a bell, but she couldn't place it. The gold of the pin was twisted into the shape of a circle with a triangle inside, and a line splitting the two shapes in half. When she asked him what it meant, he said he had no idea. No one had known for a long time.

"Ready?" he asked and extended his arm, making a grand gesture of it. He could be really charming when he put his mind to it.

"Of course," she said, beaming up at him. It felt so romantic, so wonderful to be with him like this, all dressed up. Almost like she would have wanted it to be at Petunia's wedding.

"Have fun, you two," piped in Sirius. "Don't stay out too late or the lady will turn into a troll."

"Never. I've seen her out late plenty of times, and I can tell you the last thing she is is a troll," he quipped in answer, leaning over and placing a very chaste kiss on her cheek. "You look amazing," James whispered.

"Thank you," she said, a flush slowly warming her cheeks.

"I love it when you do that."

He led her through the portrait hole and down the stairs to the entrance hall. Several couples were already gathered there, ready to make their way down to Professor Slughorn's office and rooms. She felt like a queen on James' arm and the couple of interesting looks she received from some of the other girls were downright malevolent.

They made their way down the stairs, along the familiar corridors and toward the lower levels of the castle. There was no need for a sign marking Professor Slughorn's rooms since lively music, as well as the chatter of the guests inside, could be heard all the way down the hall. The cheery Christmas music increased the excitement within her; Christmas was her favourite time of year.

"Lily! James!" boomed the voice of Horace Slughorn. "My, you two make a handsome pair." He reached out a chubby hand and enthusiastically shook James', then turned to Lily. "Miss Evans, if I were twenty years younger, I'd have to challenge James for your affections." He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it gallantly.

"Thank you for inviting us, sir," James said graciously.

"Oh yes, wouldn't dream of leaving the two of you out."

While Slughorn gathered Lily into his fold due to her talent at Potions, he snapped up James because of his father's wealth and his mother's work at St Mungo's. The portly professor made no excuses for gathering the talented and well-connected into his little flock; he maintained connections for years and always had someone to ask for a favour.

"Watch out for the mistletoe, you know. Hidden away where you'd least expect it," Slughorn nodded to Lily and James, leaving to greet more guests entering the room.

By looking around, one would never guess that this was a teacher's living quarters. The room was enlarged to hold at least a hundred people, even though far less were due to arrive. Evergreen boughs were decorated with colourful baubles and fairy lights; a large, decorated Christmas tree stood in the middle of the room and several groups of students were gathered around it, talking or laughing.

"D'you want something to drink?" James asked. "I think I see some mead over there."

"Butterbeer if they have it," she answered, not liking the effects mead gave her. She wanted to keep her wits about her tonight, to use the vast amount of professions represented to feel out what kind of job she could look for after she finished school. That was the best thing about The Slug Club: the tremendous amount of contacts one could make.

She watched James leave, her eyes not once leaving his back. His robes were impeccably cut and flattered his tapering hips…

She had to stop thinking like that. This was not the time.

"Evans."

She turned and was greeted by the cool smile of Narcissa Black. The two of them, before this year, never spent much time together nor did they have many similar interests. However, Narcissa's role as prefect forced them to be together far more than Lily considered palatable.

"Evening, Narcissa," Lily answered politely, only now noticing the silver-haired figure of Lucius Malfoy standing next to the other girl. "Lucius."

"Head Girl. Tsk, tsk, tsk. My how standards have fallen. Back in Father's day, it wouldn't have been possible for anyone less than Pureblood to be Head Girl," Malfoy said, his voice smooth as melted butter. "But then, ever since Dumbledore took over, things have gone to hell in the proverbial handbasket."

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Nice to see you, too." She began to move away but was stopped by a hand on her arm.

"Lily," Narcissa purred, making her name sound dirty or profane, "Lucius and I are to be married in August. See my ring?"

As Narcissa held out her hand, it was impossible not to notice the large emerald and diamond engagement ring on her left hand. _It's amazing that she can hold up her hand_, Lily mused, _poor thing looks emaciated_.

Lily gave her best congratulatory smile and moved to the side again, hoping that James would return.

"What? No congratulations? Don' t they have manners in the Muggle world?" Lucius sneered.

"You two deserve each other," she answered, knowing full well that they both understood her double meaning. "Let's just hope that your 'Lord' allows you to be happy in his little snake pit."

"Ah, Evans, you are always a ray of sunshine," came a familiar voice from behind.

Lily turned and found James back at her side with one mug of Butterbeer and a flagon of mead.

"Malfoy." James nodded at the other young man.

"Potter." The distaste between them was almost tangible. "So sorry to hear about your father. Did you and your mother get our floral arrangement?"

"Yes, we did. And it should make great compost next spring." James beamed while Lucius' mouth dropped. "Shall we?" He took Lily by the arm and lead her toward the Christmas tree.

Lily didn't know whether to laugh or to chastise James for his behaviour. She knew that he and Lucius never got along, but to see it up close and personal was really something to behold. When James handed her the Butterbeer, she accepted and drank deeply; she needed it to calm herself a bit.

"I noticed that Cissy had some new jewellery," James mentioned.

"Mmm. Seems they're to marry in August. Can we not talk about them? This is supposed to be fun," she reminded him.

"And what's more fun than this?" James leaned in and kissed her firmly. He smiled as he pulled away and before she could say anything, she noticed the sprig of mistletoe above him.

She felt her blush rise from her neck and into her cheeks before making its way to her hairline.

"Merlin, I love it when you do that," he muttered. "And I also loved it when you—Professor Dumbledore! I didn't know you were attending!"

He recovered his composure quickly, she noted, and saw an attractive shade of red starting on his own face.

"Well, as much as I abhor the concept, Horace's little soirees do afford me the chance to see old friends socially," remarked the headmaster. "Glad to see the two of you here. Together. If you don't mind my saying, it took you long enough." Now both Lily and James were reddening. "I lost twelve Sickles on you, seeing as I bet on you getting together before your seventh-year. You've made Professor Kettleburn a rich man."

She was stunned. Did the professors have nothing better to do than take wagers on the love lives of their students? Part of her wanted to lash out and demand an apology. However, there was something endearing about it, picturing the staff, the majority of them single, living vicariously through their young wards.

Lily didn't notice that James and Dumbledore had struck up a conversation.

"…and how long have you had it?" Dumbledore asked.

"Dunno," James replied, running his left hand through his hair. "It's been in the family for generations."

"Interesting symbol…the circle, triangle and wand." Dumbledore began playing with his beard, unable to take his eyes off the pin on James' cravat.

"How do you know it's a wand, sir? Nothing's ever been written down about it." He looked uncomfortable under the scrutiny of the old man.

"Ah, yes, you are correct. Perhaps it's an old man's imagination, but it is a beautiful piece, Mr. Potter. Guard it well," Dumbledore said ominously as he left the two of them standing next to the tree.

"What the bloody hell was that all about?" James asked, wide-eyed and shaking his head. "I think he's a nutter, really. A brilliant nutter, though."

"And it was all about your pin?"

She shook her head, wondering what was so special about that piece of jewellery.

"Yeah." James looked to his right and nodded at someone, whom Lily saw was a couple members of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team. "You mind? I hate these sort of things. And they were asking about how they can beat Slytherin."

His face was boyish with excitement and she noted his urgency. Even though she would have preferred to stay with him, she didn't want to have him bored out of his mind.

"That's fine. Really." His face lit up. "There're a few people I'd like to speak with anyway. I'll find you later."

Lily leaned in and kissed him quickly on the cheek then made her way to a group of Ministry employees and Wizengamot magistrates. She busied herself with the many contacts and soon, much to her dismay, found herself bored and looking for James or someone else her own age. After politely leaving the group, her eyes settled on a group of students in one corner of the room, where she knew the refreshments were located.

After a few steps, she saw James' unruly hair, which quickened her pace. With a smile, she tickled him around the waist, causing him to jump and turn around.

"Hey," he said with a chuckle, pulling her close and nuzzling her neck. "All finished canoodling with the powerful?"

"Mmm hmm," she said dreamily as his hands began rubbing her sides. "Why doesn't he have music? I wanna dance!"

"I think," he answered, his breath hot against her skin, "we can make our own music."

With wide eyes, she stared at him and giggled as he waggled his eyebrows. Merlin, she wanted to. She was wound up tight whenever they were together and the softest touch from him could spring the trap and make her throw caution to the wind.

"Go on, Sev!" came a loud, booming voice from the refreshment area. "Give it a go!"

Lily moved to the side and saw Severus, along with several of the Ravenclaws James was talking with earlier, gathered around the punch bowl. He was shoved from behind, stumbled to the table, and grabbed a glass.

"Wot's yer wish?" asked Barney Yaxley in his York accent.

She watched as Severus closed his eyes and poured himself a glass.

"Like she'd be seen dead with the likes of you, you greasy git! Wash your hair and get some sun if you ever want to get laid, Snivellus," the punch bowl shouted at him and then, to everyone's surprise, the liquid exploded all over him, drenching him in the sticky, sugary-sweet beverage down his front.

James barked out a laugh and started shaking uncontrollably; nearly everyone else in the room was laughing. Lily watched them laugh at Severus, trying to dry himself off, with the red punch dripping off his hair, leaving little red dots on his white shirt. He looked up and met her gaze, saw her standing next to James, and then took off, the laughter following him in earnest.

She turned to James again, her rage bubbling to the surface and her wand hand itching to grab it.

"You…You PROMISED to leave him alone!" she shrieked. "How COULD you?"

She spun around on her heel and stomped out of the room. She didn't care where she was going. All she knew was that she had to get away from him, had to distance herself from his juvenile behaviour. She thought he'd changed…he'd promised her that he'd stop acting like that. Hot, angry tears leaked from her eyes, ruining the makeup she'd so carefully applied earlier. The clicks of her heels along the stone floor accentuated the ranting words that flowed out of her mouth. She just about reached the landing leading to the third floor when she felt herself bound and she tumbled to the floor.

A shadowy figure stood over her.

"Let me explain." It was James. "Will you listen without harping at me? One blink for 'yes,' please."

She blinked once and he performed the counter-charm, releasing her from the invisible bonds that held her. Sitting on the floor, her anger in check, she looked up at James, waiting patiently.

He bent down and looked her in the eye.

"I put a potion in the punch. It was supposed to dare someone to make a wish and then embarrass them. It wasn't supposed to explode, I swear. I don't know what happened. Maybe Padfoot did something to it."

"SIRIUS?!? I'll kill the bastard!" She started scrambling to her feet but James held her down.

"Lily, he probably added something for that extra bit of fun. You know how he is. He dared me to do it," he explained. "Honest, Lily."

"That was pretty dumb, Potter." She huffed and crossed her arms in front of her.

"I was bored. Sorry," he said as he shrugged.

"You're going to apologize to Sev, you do know that. Right?" She eyed him carefully and smiled as he nodded.

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"Come with me," he said as he stood up, holding out his hand. She wanted to say something, but he shook his head to quiet her. Taking his hand, she allowed him to lead her to the large, oak entry doors and outside into the cool night air. The stars were like pin pricks on a field of black velvet; it was a beautiful, cloudless night.

"I want to ask you something."

She nodded, almost too cold to speak.

"Will you come visit me during Christmas? Mum wants to meet you," he said nervously.

"She…she does?" she squeaked.

"Yeah. She wants to meet the girl I've fallen for. The girl I love."

He tipped up her chin and kissed her softly, his warm lips banishing the cold air and heating her insides. She felt herself forget everything else. She forgot that he'd embarrassed Severus. She forgot that it was freezing out there and she was only in cap sleeves. Heat emanated off him and she did all she could to return that heat with her kiss.

James pulled away and rested his forehead on hers.

"I love you, Lily Evans. I don't want to stop loving you. Ever."

He reached up and brushed away a tear she didn't know she'd shed. Her heart soared as she heard his words, his declaration of love, and joy bubbled up inside her. She had been thinking along the same lines for several weeks and she couldn't hold them in any longer.

"I love you, James."

* * *

James was tired. He never thought that Christmas shopping could be so exhausting. But then again, this wasn't any ordinary Christmas. This was the first Christmas he'd be spending with Lily and he wanted to get her something special, something that she would love and tell her how much he loved her. He'd found a bottle of some exquisite perfume that instantly reminded him of her at the first shop he'd gone to. James, however, wasn't quite satisfied; he wanted to get her something else, too. Whatever that something was, he'd know it when he saw it. Unfortunately for him, he hadn't seen it yet, and it didn't appear that he ever would.

He sighed heavily, feeling as if the world would stop spinning if he couldn't find her another present.

"James! Hey, Prongs!"

James shook the cobwebs out of his head and looked at Sirius, who was accompanying him on the shopping expedition.

"What?" He cringed at how annoyed he sounded.

"You gonna stand there all day," Sirius said with a smirk, "or are you going to come over here and see this? I called your name three times already."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." James walked over to Sirius, who was standing next to a glass-topped display case. "What did you find?"

Sirius tapped the glass. "This. I think she'll like it."

James bent over and saw a bracelet with small stones that were shimmery and iridescent looking. That was it.

"Yes!" he whooped in excitement.

The shopkeeper walked over, but before he could say anything, James laid down the necessary Galleons, and three minutes later, he and Sirius were back on the main street of Hogsmeade. James was giddy; he whistled and if he could have done it without embarrassing himself, he would have skipped along the cobblestone.

"So you coming over on Christmas Eve?" Sirius asked casually.

James stopped mid-step.

"Er, well, I…I can't," he answered nervously. He'd forgotten to tell him that Lily would be spending part of the holiday with him and his mother.

Sirius nodded. "Oh yeah, I s'pose your mum'll want you to stay home." He shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked a small pile of snow before smiling. "I could stay over, too. Mum loves me."

"Well, see, we're already having company." James dreaded this conversation, having put it off numerous times since Lily agreed to visit.

"Yeah? Who?"

Taking a quick glance at his friend, James was surprised to see that Sirius hadn't put two and two together yet. He felt heat rise from his neck and up onto his cheeks.

"Padfoot…I wanted to tell you earlier, but…but—"

"She's going home with you, isn't she?" Sirius stated flatly, without emotion or expression.

All James could do was nod.

"Well," Sirius answered, "I should have seen it coming." He stopped and sat down on a nearby bench, wearing a dejected look on his face. "I'll find someone else to spend Christmas with, don't worry. My charm knows no bounds." He flashed a quick smile, but James knew it wasn't genuine; there was sadness behind his eyes.

"Sirius…"

"No, James. I should have figured it out. You two have been all doe-eyed lately." They both snorted at the comment. "I don't want to get in the way. True love and all. Just make sure you invite me to the wedding."

Before James could say anything, Sirius turned and Disapparated, most likely to just outside the Forbidden Forest, leaving James feeling like shit and knowing that Sirius felt even worse. Why _couldn't_ Sirius stay with him for Christmas? he wondered.

_Because you want to have sex with Lily, dumb ass._

James rolled his eyes at his thought. It was true, after all. He often pictured her in his bed at home, looking up at him with those emerald eyes as he showed her what making love was supposed to be like. He often thought of castrating Geoffrey for just…taking her like that. She didn't talk about it much with him, but what he did learn was that they literally fell into bed and just went at it. No foreplay, no soft kisses, no caresses. He felt terrible when she told him and knew that when it was time for them, he would do everything to show her how much he loved her.

For the first time, he'd actually be making love with someone and the thought made him smile. Yes, he'd had sex, but that was it. There was no real emotion involved, no connection what so ever. Teresa, whom he met on holiday with his parents, made a point of showing him what exactly a woman needed to enjoy things to the fullest. She was a patient teacher and he was a very eager student. She left his life as quietly as she had entered it that summer, saying, 'Take what you learned and save it for one you really want to share yourself with.' At the time, he couldn't have cared less if he cared for the girl. He'd had loads of sex—good sex!—and he was eager to show off his skill, so to speak. However, a conversation with his mother on the subject (she'd had too much to drink, otherwise she'd never broach the subject with him normally) changed his mind and he decided to take Teresa's advice.

And then there was Narcissa. That had been a mistake of epic proportions. He came upon her one night in the dungeons after a detention and she was bawling like a baby. Tears on a woman should be deemed evil, he decided, because he'd found he couldn't ignore her and once she stopped blubbering long enough to talk, she told him about a fight she and Malfoy had and that she wasn't sure if things would work out. Narcissa kept talking and talking, peppered with episodes of more tears, until he could stand it no more and put an arm around her. The typical scenarios followed, and the two of the had ended up on a desk in a classroom. It continued for a week with the two of them meeting at night and shagging wherever they could find a flat surface. Narcissa couldn't keep her mouth shut, of course, so everyone knew what was going on and whispers followed him down the halls between classes.

It was a Thursday morning when things ended. Lily, he remembered, was ill and in her dormitory. The post owls arrived and he took notice of a jet black owl with a large package tied to its legs flying in the direction of the Slytherin table and landing in front of Narcissa. The stark contrast between the black of the owl and the paleness of the girl was striking, much like the way the two of them were different in their appearances. She opened the package, and her eyes brightened as she lifted out a dark brown fur coat. Narcissa wrapped it around herself and looked up, locking eyes with him.

"Looks like Potter served his purpose," she'd said loud enough for everyone to hear. "Lucius took me back."

Taking the fur, she sauntered across the Great Hall with a legion of Slytherin girls following her, hoping to touch the fur with a mere fingertip. She made her way purposefully toward the Gryffindor table and stopped in front of James. Reaching into her pocket, she smiled coyly before placing something in his hand. James gaped at her and opened his hand to find twenty Galleons.

"All whores need to be paid," she said and waltzed away, her entourage surrounding her as she left.

The gold coins sailed from his hand through the air of the Great Hall, smashing a window and arousing Peeves' curiosity, which unfortunately resulted in a rhyme he took to singing whenever he saw James.

_"Hogwarts' prankster has had a new gag  
When Potter thought he'd found a wench he could shag.  
For a week they were sore  
But she called him a whore  
And gave him gold Galleons to pay for the shag."_

As a result of his smashing the window, James had three detentions with Professor Kettleburn, cleaning out the paddock by hand, and also had to pay for replacing the window. The last part of his punishment was utterly mental, since it was fixed with magic anyway. When he complained, he was given another detention and told that the window was a gift from his great-great-grandfather Something Something Potter and that his father had decided on the restitution. Of course, he made James pay for it out of his own pocket.

James groaned at himself, hating the fact that the memories still bothered him. He should really talk to Lily about all of that and soon, especially since they'd talked about having sex over Christmas. Things needed to be said and he needed her to know that it wasn't a joke with him, that he was serious about making love to her and that he loved her with his whole heart. James huffed again and placed the box with the bracelet in an inside pocket and began making his way back to the castle.

He had just passed through the gates when a blur of red came running towards him and knocked him to the snow-covered ground. James managed to catch his breath and then smiled up at Lily, who sat straddled across his chest.

"There you are! I was worried about you!" she said, her cheeks red with cold and anxiety. "When I saw Sirius and you weren't with him, I got scared."

The worry in her voice caused his heart to melt. Sitting up, he held her to him and kissed her behind her ear, a place that never ceased to cause her to shiver.

"I'm fine," he reassured her between kisses. "Sirius and I…well, we had a misunderstanding of sorts." She gave him a quizzical look. "We'll work it out, don't worry."

"You sure?" Lily ran her hands through his hair and then began playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. "What happened?"

The trouble with having someone like Lily as a girlfriend was that she could always figure out what was bothering him. Whether she was just very good at deciphering his looks or if she was an Empath, he wasn't sure. It was just very hard to keep a secret from her.

"He's upset about Christmas. He wanted to spend the holidays with me." James looked away to avoid her asking for more details. It didn't work.

She placed a hand on his cheek and turned him to face her.

"James, do you think we should change our plans?"

"NO!" That was the last thing he wanted. "Mum wants to meet you and she's thrilled to finally have the chance." The urgent sound of his voice surprised them both.

Lily nodded. "You're right. He needs to let go. Sometimes I think he's too dependent on you."

All he could do was nod. She was right, of course. Sirius had always needed him more than Remus or Peter; they talked more, they confided in each other about everything. Part of it, naturally, had to do with the fact that Sirius had moved in with James' family after being kicked out by his parents. They felt more like brothers than friends.

"Speaking of Christmas, did you find anything for my mum? You said you were having a rough go of it," he asked, hoping that a change of subject would steer her away from delving into his problems with Sirius.

Her face brightened as she smiled. "Yes! My mum found an antique book of garden prints in a book shop. You said she loves her flower garden so I thought she might like it."

"Definitely, Lil. She can sit around for hours reading seed catalogues or looking at magazines." James smiled at his recollection of his mother's hobby. "She'll love it. And she'll love you," he whispered before leaning in and kissing her softly on the lips. "I love you, Evans. More than I thought I could."

Lily kissed him this time, her wicked tongue dipping into his mouth. Before he could deepen the kiss, she pulled away from him.

"I love you, too. If someone would have told me in fifth year that I'd fall in love with you, I would have sent them to Bedlam." They both chuckled. "Why did it take us so long to get here?"

James placed a hand on her cheek, enjoying the warmth of her skin in contrast to the chilly air around them.

"I had to grow up and you had to see it, Lils," he pointed out, his eyes not leaving hers. "We had to get to this point together. I think it was worth the wait."

"Me, too."

They stood up from their spot on the ground, neither of them caring that they had wet bottoms. With hands entwined, they silently walked back to the castle.

* * *

James had never been nervous about going home for the Christmas holiday until today. On more than one occasion, Lily, Sirius, or Remus had to tell him to stop bouncing his leg or to stop humming. His companions were getting frustrated with him, he could tell, and with a look at his leg, James halted his nervous action.

"What?" he barked.

"It's just your mother, Prongs. Mum Potter isn't anything to get your knickers in a twist over," Sirius pointed out. "If anyone has a right to be nervous, it's Evans over there."

"Oh thanks, Sirius. That makes me feel loads better." James laid his head on the back of the chair and began counting ceiling tiles.

"Well, it's true. A Muggle-born witch going to meet the Pureblood mother of her boyfriend, whom she hopes to shag—that's got to be nerve-wracking," Sirius teased, looking at Lily.

"Great, now I'm nervous," Lily huffed. "Can't you put a muzzle on him, James?" He couldn't decide if she was teasing or serious.

"We tried that, Lily," answered Remus. "But he just transforms back and then there's no shutting him up." With a smile, he looked over at James, who'd given up on counting ceiling tiles. "Never thought you'd be nervous to see your own mother."

"Well, I am. First time I ever brought a girl over."

"Really?" Lily asked with surprise causing him to turn to her and meet her gaze.

"It's true." He held out his hand and she walked over to his chair and sat down on his lap. Sirius made a gagging sound and Remus wolf-whistled. James gave his friends pointed looks and then turned his attention back to Lily. "I never wanted her to meet anyone. I guess I just never let them get too close." He rested his forehead on hers.

"No one could measure up is what he's trying to say, Evans," Sirius quipped. "And now that he's got you, well…Oh look, we're here."

Once the train came to a complete stop and most of the students had disembarked, James and Lily made a final sweep of the train for any stragglers before stepping off the train and onto the platform.

He felt Lily grab his hand and squeeze it tightly as he looked along the platform for his mother. She didn't usually come to the station, but she told him she would; this was a special occasion, after all. Their trunks were already on the platform and not too far from them stood his mother and her great-nephew, Robert Abbott.

His mother looked tired. The last couple months had been hard on her. The letters she had written him were sad and her handwriting appeared shaky and weak. James noticed that she'd lost some weight, her face was thinner, and the robes she wore just hung on her. Her hair, which still had some of her natural dark brown when his father died, was completely white now. She'd aged twenty years in two months.

She looked up and saw them, smiling brightly and holding out her arms to him. James prayed that she wouldn't call him Jimmy-Jam in front of Lily.

"Jim—James," she said, correcting herself when she saw the look on his face.

He wrapped his arms around her and could feel how thin she'd gotten.

"Hey, Mum," James said, giving her a little squeeze, mindful of her thinner frame. "Mum, this is Lily."

He stepped aside and she stepped forward and was immediately engulfed in his mother's arms. The joyful strength of his ancient mother was amazing, but James reckoned she was doing it for him; she never did like to see him worried about her.

"It's so nice to meet you, Mrs. Potter. James has told me so much about you," Lily said, smiling, her arm around the old woman's shoulder. James could tell that his mother liked her.

"Thora. Please, call me Thora. James, would you help Robert with the trunks? He brought his car." She put her arm through Lily's and began walking.

He watched his mother and Lily walk ahead of them, arms linked and chatting away.

"How is she, Robert? Really?" James asked, turning to his cousin.

"Well," he began, "she has to be reminded to eat. Wilbie makes so much food and cries whenever she doesn't eat. She also has stopped going to her card club. Says that all they want to talk about is Cornelius."

Robert and his wife, Helen, had stayed with his mother once James returned to school. They'd just got married shortly before his father died and hadn't found a place to live. He and his mother had always been close and they'd decided it would give her some companionship until James returned for Christmas.

"Damn." He ran a hand through his hair. "Is she snappy? She gets that way when she's upset."

"Sometimes. She yelled at Helen the other day, swearing and everything." Robert levitated the trunks and began walking towards the barrier.

"Mum swore?" His mother didn't swear. His father, on the other hand, could swear like a sailor and spit tacks when he was mad. James jogged ahead to catch up with Robert.

"Yeah," he answered casually. "I don't even think she realised she did it. We didn't make a big deal about it so we wouldn't upset her more."

"But she's not taking care of herself, Rob. She's thin, her hair's gray and she's weak."

"James, she's ninety-two. She lost her husband two months ago and they were married for thirty-seven years. She misses him," Robert reminded him. "Now come on before Thora tries to start the car herself."

Lily's eyes fluttered open, and for a moment, she forgot where she was. Then, with a huge smile, she remembered that she was at James' house and it was Christmas morning, her favourite holiday. At the foot of the bed, she noticed a small wrapped box; she reached for it but waited to open it since James wanted to open presents with her. She turned to the right and looked at the sumptuous room. It was lovely, almost as if it had been decorated especially for her.

The bed she lay on was large with a light purple duvet and eyelet trim. It was a bit girly, but it suited the room, which was painted in a very light violet wash and white trim. A white dresser and wardrobe stood opposite the bed. On her left was a pair of large windows with eyelet curtains and sashes that matched the duvet. A rocking chair was placed in front of the window and a floral print pad was placed on the seat. It was a cheery room and very inviting.

The night that she'd arrived, when James and Wilbie first showed her to the room, she had asked him why it was so feminine.

"When Mum was pregnant with me, she decorated one room for a girl and one for a boy. They didn't know if they'd have any more kids after me, so they just left it," James had explained. "Sirius' room is down the hall across from mine, and Robert and Helen are living on the second floor. Mum and Dad's room…er, Mum's room is downstairs."

He had shown her where the bathroom was, along with the cupboard with clean towels before leading her into his room and it was…very James. A collection of Quidditch posters lined the wall behind his bed, which was the same size as hers but dressed in a plaid duvet. A very large window with a seat was on the opposite wall of the door, making her blush at the memory of some of the things they'd done in window seats. The room also had a desk, two large, overstuffed chairs, and an antique wardrobe. The walls were painted an off-white but were nearly covered with more posters, several of which were of Muggle girls in bikinis and some in even less.

"Oh, er,...sorry about those," he nodded, indicating the posters of scantily clad females.

"Farrah Fawcett. How typical," she said with a smirk.

"Sirius has one, too," he answered while Lily rolled her eyes. "Mum doesn't come up here much anymore."

"So," she began, walking over to him and grabbing his collar, their faces a breath apart, "your bed or mine." The question shocked him and taking advantage of his silence, she pushed him backwards onto the bed and leapt onto him before he could argue.

"Lily…the door's open!"

"You yourself said that she doesn't come up here very often," she pointed out, grinding her hips against his.

He closed his eyes, groaned, and pushed her off him. Looking down at her, he held her gaze.

"I have _plans_," he told her, emphasising the last word. "Now be nice and go downstairs with me. Mum had Wilbie cook up a big feast." He slid off the bed, causing her to stare at how smoothly he moved, almost like a cat.

A knock at the door startled her out of her thoughts, and she scrambled out of her bed and padded across the thick area rug to the door and answered it. She smiled brightly when she saw James' unruly hair and opened the door wide.

"Happy Christmas, love," he said softly, still wearing his pyjama bottoms and nothing else.

Her eyes roamed over his skin, taking in each part of him. There was more chest hair than she expected but it only made him look sexier, if that was at all possible. The muscles of his stomach were well-defined and she reckoned that he did some work with weights during Quidditch season, as riding a broom didn't necessarily build muscle. His arms, oh his arms, were her favourite part of him. They were lean but muscled, and the veins stood out magnificently. His biceps just begged to be flexed. How could someone look so sexy in the morning?

The bed dipped as he sat down and she felt his breath on her neck. On instinct, her head tilted to the side, giving him more skin to kiss. Her breathing quickened, making her desire begin to build.

"I…I thought we were opening presents?" she reminded him, causing him to groan in frustration and bang his head against the headboard.

"Damn!" He rubbed the spot on his head but smiled cheekily at her, telling her it didn't hurt that bad. "Serves me right for coming in here completely unprepared for how delectable you look." His eyes roamed over her, causing heat to gather between her legs.

Delectable? Her? Lily shook her head. Her hair was a mess, she wore a Petunia-worthy nightdress, and she was sure that her breath was strong enough to clean the bottom of a well-used cauldron.

"You, my love, are insane. And blind," she teased, a finger absently trailing down the soft hair between his nipples and down to his belly button.

"I guess you hadn't noticed that the top three buttons came loose as you slept." His hand slipped inside and cupped her exposed breast, bringing the nipple to a rock-hard peak.

Her initial shock at being exposed was quickly replaced by an overwhelming desire to strip it off and forget about any plans he had for them. She wanted him NOW.

As if he sensed her growing ardour, James removed his hand and slowly buttoned the ones that had come loose.

"You'll have to wait to open that particular present," he purred as he licked the inside of her ear. "But you can open this one."

James sat up and retrieved the small box from where she'd dropped it on the bed.

"Do you have yours?" she asked nervously. She hoped he liked it.

"Right here." He held up the box. "Ladies first."

She smiled briefly and went to work carefully removing the ribbon before gently peeling away the cellotape.

"For Merlin's sake, Lily, it's a present. Rip the damn stuff, " he said with a laugh and reaching for the package which she quickly pulled away from him.

"James, this is our first Christmas together and I want to put the paper in my scrapbook."

"Never would have thought you were the sentimental type. It's mental, but charming." He flashed her a brilliant smile and leaned forward to kiss her on the nose.

Lily turned her attention back to the wrapping paper until she was left with a small black box bearing the mark of a jeweller in Hogsmeade. Nervously, she lifted to top and gasped. Lying inside the black satin-lined box was a bracelet. Gold and crystal beads reflected the early morning light while pieces of mother of pearl added elegance. It was remarkable.

"It's beautiful," she said breathily, looking up at him, tears starting to brim in her eyes. "Put it on me?"

She watched as he took the bracelet from the box and fumbled with the clasp. After a few awkward moments, the jewellery was around her wrist, and the soft brushing of his flesh against hers made her shiver.

"Thank you. I love it."

"And I love you, Lily." James sighed. "I never thought I'd actually say those words to anyone. You're amazing, Evans." He kissed her then with soft, teasing kisses that held the promise of something more.

"Your turn," she reminded him as she pulled away from him.

He smiled brightly at her, reminding him of a little boy, ready to tear into what Father Christmas brought him. Her observation wasn't far off as paper and ribbons went flying onto the floor. The top of the box was tossed onto the bed and then…silence.

Lily bit her bottom lip and looked at him, trying to decipher his reaction. He stared at the bottom of the box, mouth open.

"Do…do you like it?" she asked nervously, pulling at the lace on her nightdress.

"You drew this?" She nodded. "Lily, this is absolutely fantastic. When did you start on this?" He continued to stare at the pencil drawing at the bottom of the box.

"After I saw you transform the first time," she answered. "I couldn't get the image of you out of my head. I just had to sketch it out."

That day in November, James had taken her out to the Forbidden Forest under his Invisibility Cloak to a secluded area that he and the marauders used as a gathering place. Once there, he transformed into his Animagus form and she was rendered breathless. She'd seen deer up close before but never a stag. He was magnificent. Prongs walked toward her and nuzzled her neck, making her put an arm around him. His fur was soft and short. When she reached up to touch his antlers, he bent forward. They weren't as rough as she'd expected, but somewhat smooth, like a tree branch with the bark stripped off and sanded down. It was an experience she'd never forget.

"Thank you. I'm…wow. I didn't know you could do this. You're just full of surprises, aren't you?" His voice was still full of astonishment. James leaned forward and kissed her like he did before, teasing her with little nips of his teeth and soft touches along her neck and up into her hair.

The creaked open and Wilbie popped in her head.

"Master James! This…this is the girl's room! Out! Out! You must get out!" The house-elf ran to the bed and tried to shoo James out, pulling on his arm in an attempt to make him leave. "Wilbie musn't let you be in a girl's room!"

Lily burst out laughing as the little elf struggled to pull the nearly six-foot James off the bed.

"Wilbie—let me GO!" He shook the elf off him and Wilbie grabbed Lily's hairbrush and immediately began whacking herself on the head while Lily watched with wide eyes.

"Wha—what's she doing?"

James hopped off the bed and grabbed the brush, the force of his pull sending Wilbie onto the floor wailing.

"Wilbie, stop it!" James shouted, making her stop as she reached for one of Lily's shoes. "Please, don't punish yourself."

"But…but—" Wilbie began crying.

James looked at Lily, his eyes asking for help.

"Wilbie, Wilbie, look at me." The bulging, watery eyes of the house-elf turned toward Lily. "James wasn't doing anything. We gave each other Christmas presents. That's all."

James nodded enthusiastically. "Why are you so concerned about this anyway?"

"House-elves is required to keep a girl's virtue until she marries, and Miss Lily is not married. That is why Wilbie must keep Master James out of her room!" She resumed pulling on him. "Master Sirius broke the rules and now he has no house-elf. Miss Lily needs Wilbie!"

James finally allowed her to pull him toward the door. "Is that why he stopped bringing girls over here?" he asked as Wilbie closed the door behind them.

* * *

After breakfast, Lily, James, and Mrs. Potter gathered in the sitting room. Their Christmas tree was large with several glittery glass balls hanging from the boughs and thousands of multi-coloured fairy lights casting a festive glow about the room.

"James, would you pour me some tea, please?" Mrs. Potter asked, setting herself into her usual armchair.

"Mum, Wilbie hasn't brought the tray in yet. She'll be out in minute," he reminded her, pulling Lily onto the sofa next to him.

The older woman looked around the room and, upon finding the sideboard empty, she huffed and pulled a blanket onto her lap, which made James frown. He walked over to the tree and pulled out a couple of presents before going over to her and sitting at her feet like a child wanting desperately to please his mother.

"Mum, you've got some presents here. This one's from me and Sirius," James said, placing the package in her lap.

"Oh, Jimmy-Jam, you don't have to do that for me," she cooed.

Lily stifled the laugh that was building up as she heard James' nickname. He turned around and mouthed 'Don't you dare laugh.' She made a mental note to tease him about it later.

Mrs. Potter set about unwrapping the present, in the same way Lily did, carefully and slowly. Once the paper was on the floor, she lifted the cover and gasped. A tear escaped her eye.

"James…it's…oh sweetheart." Tears flowed freely as James raised himself up and gathered his mother into his arms. The box slid to the floor, and Lily saw what it was that made the woman cry.

Laying in the box was a small portrait of James' father of him in his younger days. Although he was blonde, he and James looked very much alike from the hazel eyes to the out of control hair. They even had the same smile. Lily had to swallow a sob of her own.

Mother and son separated, and James handed his mother the present from Lily. She watched nervously as the old woman looked up and smiled at her.

"You gave this to me?" she asked and Lily nodded. "What a sweet girl. Who is she, Jimmy-Jam?"

James stared at his mother and then gave Lily a confused look. Turning back to his mother, he said, "Mum, it's Lily, remember? My girlfriend. You invited her for the holidays." His voice was gentle and soothing.

"Oh," she said simply as she nodded. Somehow, Lily knew the woman didn't remember.

Mrs. Potter unwrapped the package and smiled as she uncovered the book that Lily and her mother had searched for and finally found in an antique shop.

"Oh, how lovely. I love gardening. Did Wilbie show you my flower garden?" she asked Lily.

"Er…well, no, Mrs. Potter. It's Christmas," Lily reminded her.

James sat back on his haunches, his face a mixture of sadness and worry. She wanted to reach out to him, comfort him, and kiss his worries away.

"Oh, that's right. Corny loved Christmas," she mused. "He loved spoiling me with baubles and jewellery that he knew I'd never wear. I've a whole cupboard full of necklaces, pins, and broaches. You can have them some day, dear."

It was amazing, the change that suddenly washed over Mrs. Potter's face. It seemed that merely talking about her husband brought her back to the present. Even though she barely knew the woman, Lily felt an extreme sense of loss at knowing that James' mother would never be the same without her husband.

"Thank you, ma'am," Lily responded shakily, not knowing if his mother's statement was really meant for her.

"James?" Lily asked him later that afternoon as they were talking a walk in the park, enjoying the fluffy snow. He turned to her and grabbed her hands.

"What is it?" He smiled crookedly at her as he tucked her hair behind an ear.

"Is your mum okay?"

His smile faded quickly and she could literally see his usual swagger leave him. Silently, James led her to a bench and sat her down before joining her. He took a deep breath and looked her in the eye.

"No, she's not." His voice wavered. "I talked to Robert and Helen last night after dinner, remember?" She did. "They told me she'd been having these episodes lately, you know, forgetting who was around and stuff like that. She had an appointment with her Healer and they said…they…Lily, she's losing her mind. And she argues…she fights. She was yelling at me last night after you went to bed."

Lily remembered. She'd heard the woman screech at her son, ranting about her schedule at the hospital and then about him trying to correct her. Mrs. Potter didn't settle down until Wilbie stepped in and calmed her mistress down.

"Wilbie sat me down and told me what was going on. Mum has to be fed when she's in those moods. Helen and Wilbie have to get her dressed. Robert has to go with her because he's never sure if Mum'll find her way home. She can't Apparate anymore because she might splinch herself. She gets confused if she's left alone for too long." James brushed the hair away from his eyes, closing them to compose himself. "Robert and Helen are moving out in February, and I'm scared that she'll just waste away all alone, Lil. I can't let that happen."

"But she was…at the station. She seemed so, I don't know….."

"Normal?"

"Yeah."

"Robert said she'd been talking about me coming home all week. That she kept reminding him to take her the station. She was looking forward to me coming home. She wouldn't forget that. I'm the only thing keeping her in the present." His bottom lip quivered and she couldn't help noticing that he was beginning to cry.

"James, whatever you're thinking, you can't quit school to take care of your mother." He opened his mouth to argue with her but she silenced him with a finger on his lips. "Aren't there, I don't know, homes for elderly witches and wizards once they can't live alone? Muggles have nur—retirement homes."

He nodded. "Rob—Robert said there are arrangements made. She and Dad had it set up years ago. But Lily, she would hate it." James turned and wiped his face with the sleeve of his cloak.

"But you have to take care of her, to make the decisions she can't anymore." Despite her best efforts, she found herself beginning to weep along with him.

"I'm only eighteen! How am I supposed to make these decisions?"

"I don't know."

She knew it was a completely useless answer, but that's all she could say. Lily pulled him into her arms and let him cry, mumble, and let out whatever emotions were bottled up inside him. She would never talk about this to anyone else, she had decided; this was something to be kept between the two of them.

When James was able to compose himself, they began to make their way back toward his home. Intermingled with periods of silence were times of animated conversation with topics ranging from Quidditch to pranks to classes to sex. The simple act of holding his hand made Lily feel secure and loved, filled with more happiness than she thought possible.

Without noticing, they'd arrived at James' house. At the front door, a crash sounded from inside and James Apparated away from her. She stood at the door, fiddling with her hands, unsure of what to do. James had told her that he needed to Side-Along them inside the house, and she was effectively locked outside of the house. Sitting on the steps, all she could do was wait.

"…bloody useless thing!"

"Mum! Stop it!"

"Keep your opinions to yourself, you ungrateful brat!"

The shouts continued to permeate their way through the heavy door and Lily could only imagine what was going on inside the house. As her thoughts got the best of her, tears began to flow freely and sobs began to wrack her body. She remembered the way Severus' parents used to fight and how the two friends would run away to the river. Once away from the shouting, Sev would toss rock after rock into the water, swearing creatively and impressively for an adolescent.

But what about when you fought with your own parent? How can you escape that? Fear began creeping up and she began to panic. What if they hurt each other? What if something happened to both of them and she couldn't get in?

An idea struck her. She'd heard of people communicating with a Patronus, sending messages that spoke in the voice of the sender. Thinking of the first time James told her that he loved her, Lily shouted, "_Expecto Patronum_!"

A cantering unicorn materialised before her and she said, "Go to Sirius Black and Robert Abbott. Tell them to come to the Potters. It's an emergency! GO!"

The unicorn galloped away, splitting into two images before disappearing into the sky.

Before she could blink, Sirius and Robert appeared before her, wearing identical worried looks on their faces. Without waiting for an explanation, Sirius grabbed her and the two of them Disapparated, reappearing in the sitting room, which was now a complete mess.

Lying on the floor in a heap was Wilbie's lifeless body. Mrs. Potter, Lily reckoned, had thrown the house-elf against the wall, causing her death. On the sofa lay Mrs. Potter, breathing heavily with James on the floor, holding her hand, muttering soothing words. Sirius, still holding onto her, squeezed Lily tightly, obviously shaken by the scene in front of him involving his best friend and his surrogate mother.

Robert walked over to James and knelt on the floor next to him.

"James, look at me." James raised his head. "It's time. She can't stay alone anymore."

James merely nodded and watched Robert go to the fireplace and make a Floo call. He looked over at Sirius and Lily. His face was tear-stained and she noticed a welt on his cheek. His mother hit him? That sweet, sweet lady hit her own son? What was going on?

He slowly got up off the floor and shuffled towards them, collapsing onto them as soon as he was near enough. Lily wrapped her arms around him and kissed his cheeks, crying along with both young men. Sirius, the ever-jovial bloke, was at a loss and sobbed as well, reminiscent of the scene she'd witnessed in the corridor outside the library when James' father died.

"Lily…I'm sorry…but I think…I think you should go home," James said between sobs, making her heart sink at his words.

"I want to help you. I want to help your mum. Please, let me help," she pleaded.

"Lily, he's right," came Sirius' deep voice. "I know you love him, but I don't think he can do this if you're here. Please."

He was right, she realised. James needed to get his mother settled wherever it was that she and her husband had picked out. She'd wait and give him the space he needed. She hated the thought of him going through this alone, but as she packed her things, Lily knew that James and Sirius were right, even though she didn't agree with them. She could be stubborn about the situation and go along anyway, but she'd only be in the way.

Once she'd gathered her things and made her way downstairs, three other men in dark cloaks were standing with Robert, James, and Sirius, apparently talking about the plans for Mrs. Potter. James turned, saw her, and smiled weakly.

"Lily, I'm sor—"

"No, there's nothing to apologise for. Really," she whispered, falling into James' warm embrace. "Let me know what's going on."

"Of course. But—my plans for us…I'm sorry."

She couldn't help but giggle. His mother was being taken to some sort of nursing home, and he was apologising for ruining their plans to have sex. Sometimes, she really couldn't understand men.

"Soon." She smiled. "I'll hold you to it." Lily gave James one last, lingering kiss on the lips before stepping away. "I love you, James." She caressed his cheek and moved toward the door, hugging Robert and Sirius before Disapparating to her parents' home.

She looked at the cheery decorations on the house, noting the stark contrast between it and the scene she'd left behind. Taking a deep breath, she decided to hug her parents tightly and tell them how much she loved them.

Life was too short.


	8. New Year's

Changing Perceptions

_A James and Lily Fan-Fiction_

Part Five—Winter

_The New Year_

James huffed and watched the cloud of steam from his mouth disappear. This was not the way he expected to spend his Christmas holiday. He was supposed to be naked in bed with Lily, losing himself inher body and making her scream his name in a hotel room he'd booked for two nights. She'd wanted to have sex on so many occasions before Christmas; he could beat himself for denying her and himself for as long as he did. But no…he had to be noble, chivalrous, even.

So instead of spending two glorious days between the sheets with his Lily, he was pacing outside of St. Dymphna's Hospital for the Disheartened, a magical "retirement" home. James rolled his eyes. His mum retired long ago and hadn't needed to come here. He felt like shit for having to do this to her, but Robert was right; she couldn't take care of herself anymore and it would be her death sentence if she was left all alone. Her quick decline since his dad's death was unexpected, but from what the Healers had told him earlier, it wasn't uncommon in witches her age after suffering a loss like she had.

At the touch of a hand on his shoulder, James turned and found Sirius standing behind him.

"She's settled in her room and wants to see you," he explained.

James merely nodded and followed his friend into the building, listening to the sounds of their footsteps on the shiny granite floor. When they'd arrived, James couldn't stand to see his mum fighting the orderlies and the matrons as they escorted her to the room she would live in for the rest of her life. He cringed when she shouted profanities at him, calling him names he hadn't known she knew. It was the worst he'd ever felt, and he bolted outside. Thankfully, Robert and Sirius were able to handle things; he was grateful that Lily had called them.

Sirius stopped outside the room that was now labelled 'Thora Potter' and placed his hand on the doorknob.

"Prongs, it's for the best, really."

"I know. It's just…Dad died two months ago. I can't do this again." James tried to choke back the tears that were building inside him, but it was useless. He'd accepted the fact that he was a cry-baby earlier in the day and there was nothing more he could do to change that.

"She'll be fine," Sirius reassured him. "Now go in and see her. They've given her something to calm down. Never knew she could say half of those words." Sirius gave a half-smile.

"Yeah. There were even some _I_ didn't know."

Sirius clapped James on the shoulder and opened the door. The room smelled a bit like disinfectant, the way most hospitals smelled. His mother sat in a comfortable looking chair with a quilt across her lap and she was smiling at him.

"Hey, Mum. You look…better." He pulled up a wooden chair next to her and took hold of her hands.

"They've given me a Calming Draught, Corney. I don't think it was mixed properly because I tasted liquorice." Her voice was different, almost as if she was pretending to sound like a girl again. But she called him Corney, not James. Things were worse than he'd thought.

"Sirius told me you wanted to see me. What can I do for you, Mum?" he stroked the wrinkled skin of her hand gently, hoping that she would realize it was him.

"Sirius? Oh, you mean that attractive Black boy. He's so handsome, but nothing compared to you." She patted his cheek. "And the Abbott boy is helpful. He'll make someone a good husband some day."

James turned to his cousin, hoping to find an explanation in Robert's eyes, but there was none.

"He's married, Mum, remember? He married Helen. I'm James, your son. Don't you remember me?"

"Oh yes. Those two kept saying something about a James. So nice to meet you." She held out her hand and he took it reluctantly, playing along but crying on the inside.

"Mr. Potter."

James turned around and rose from his chair to speak with the chief Healer, Samuel Samuelson.

"If you'll follow me, I'd like to speak with you and Mr. Abbott."

"Yeah, sure. Sirius, could you stay with Mum?"Sirius had entered the room behind James and sat quietly on the bed, nodding in answer to James' question.

Out in the corridor, Samuelson sighed heavily. Nothing coming after a sigh like that could be good, James reckoned.

"I won't sugar coat it, Mr. Potter. Your mother's mental state is deteriorating quicker than when we examined her last—"

"What? She's been here before?" James was horrified. Why didn't anyone tell him? "Robert, did you know about this?"

"No, I didn't. I swear."

"Your father brought her in early spring, right after Easter. He was concerned about her memory and acute confusion. We examined her and found her in an advanced stage of dementia. I prescribed potions for her and your father assured us he would make sure that she took them."

James closed his eyes and breathed heavily.

"And when Dad died, no one was there to give her the potions, yeah?"

"It appears to be that way. I'm sorry they didn't tell you." Samuelson looked at James, reminding him of a picture he'd seen of his father some thirty years ago. The Healer's face was genuinely empathetic. "My own father is here. I know what you're going through. I just can't imagine having to deal with it at such a young age."

"Thank you. How long…how long does she have?" James hated himself for saying the words; saying them only made the whole situation feel real. He felt Robert's hand on his shoulder, and James was grateful not to be doing this alone.

"She's not dying from this. Her mental capacities have no effect on her body. She could live for several more years," Samuelson told him.

James was shocked. "So she could be healthy as a hippogriff but not know where the bloody hell she is, what the fucking year is, or why my dad isn't around?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"DAMN!"

He wanted to hit something. Hard. The hand that Fate was dealing him was cruel and much too close to torture. The loss of his father was still fresh in his mind and now this—this sick twist of fate was taking his mother away from him before she actually died. Why did this have to happen now?

He looked at Robert, who looked almost as sick as James felt, struggling to come to terms with the news about his favourite aunt, the woman he often called Nana Thora. This was hard on him, too, but Robert had Helen. He had someone to share his grief with and to hold him as he cried. And James…he'd sent Lily away.

He swore at himself, chastising his stupid decision. Of course, he needed her. He needed to feel her arms around him and to hear her tell him everything was alright. James was suddenly gripped by an insane jealousy of Robert and an inexplicable desire to hit his cousin. Fortunately for them both, the feeling passed as quickly as it had developed. They needed each other's support right now, and alienating his cousin would do nothing to help things at all.

What a wonderful way to start a new year.

* * *

James collapsed onto his bed when he arrived home three days after admitting his mother to the nursing home, the remnants of dried tears sticking to his face. The previous days were a blur as each day was spent with Sirius at the Bristol home. Arriving home that first day, alone, was a stark contrast to the way it had begun: opening presents with Lily, breakfast with Mum and Lily. Hell, he even enjoyed the fight he had with Wilbie.

Oh, Merlin, Wilbie.

When he and Lily got back from their walk, the crashing noise inside the house scared him. He thought for sure that his mother had fallen and broken a hip or something. But things were much worse than he'd expected.

The first thing he saw was Wilbie being flung onto the wall, and not for the first time, it appeared. Wilbie's nose was broken, blood dripped down the end and onto the floor. His mother was violent, her eyes wild and scary. For the first time in his life, James was afraid of his mother; a ninety-two-year-old woman frightened him.

He'd never know what caused the outburst between his mother and the house-elf and he wasn't sure he ever wanted to. When he returned home from Bristol that first night, he made quick work of cleaning up the entry hall: blood was _Scourgified_ away and the broken, little body of Wilbie was carried out to the back garden and laid to rest under a tree. The grave was dug without magic, as he felt the need for actual physical work after such an emotional day. The sweat and dirt felt good on his skin.

When he wasn't in Bristol, he sat alone in his father's old chair, much the same way he did in the days after his father's funeral. During those times, he thought of nothing but Lily. She was right in her desire to stay with him. He needed her quiet strength and love at one of the toughest times of his life.

On a whim, he whistled for Broadmoor, grabbed a piece of parchment and quill, and scribbled a quick note to Lily.

_L—_

_I'm scared for Mum. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. _

_I miss you. I love you. _

_I should have let you stay with me. I needed you and I sent you away. I'm a stupid sod._

_J_

Once the note was finished, he rolled it tightly and tied it to Broadmoor's leg. With a happy sigh, he made his way to his bedroom where he stripped down to his boxer shorts and flung himself onto his bed, the image of Lily sitting in her room suddenly coming to his mind. Her image became much clearer, and he pictured her standing under the spray of the shower, water dripping off the tips of her nipples and onto the bathtub.

_She runs a hand over her breasts and __her fingers pinch each nipple into a hard peak._

James groaned and slipped a hand into his boxers. He was thick with lust.

_One of her hands skate__s down the plane of her abdomen, caressing the rise of her belly around her navel._

His hand grasped the thick shaft between his thighs and slid it down to the tight black curls.

_She dips a finger between her thighs and into the warm, inner lips nestled between her legs._

A groan escaped his lips and his hand moved up and down his cock, picking up speed.

_She moans and thrusts her hips forward, moving her hand in time with the soft sounds coming from her lips._

James lifted his hips off the bed, imagining her riding him, while his hand tightened around him. He bit his lower lip in concentration.

_"James," she says hoarsely, grazing her clit with her fingers and swirling them around her swollen nub._

"Lily," he cried, arching his back as the pleasure began to build up inside him.

_She throws her head back, water spilling onto her face, and her eyes snap open, her breath coming in short, quick pants._

He felt the beginnings of an orgasm build within him: a tightening in his balls, a tingling at the base of his cock.

_Her fingers move faster and faster inside her until she gasps and elicits a high pitched squeal which that reverberates in the confines of the enclosure._

Warm fluid erupted into his hand as he came. James closed his eyes, hoping to hold onto the image of Lily in his mind's eye just a little longer.

He couldn't wait to have the real thing.

* * *

James woke up late on New Year's Day, waking up at his familiar spot on Sirius' sofa. He groaned at the hangover he was feeling. Memories of two days ago, however, brought a smile to his face, as he ran a hand over his chest and paused at the love bites that were scattered across it.

He received a quick note from Lily that particular afternoon which ended up changing things forever between them. He was never, ever going to throw that particular piece of parchment away. In fact, he even had it memorised.

_James,_

_If you still need me, I'll be over in a half hour._

_Lily_

James smiled broadly at the memory and allowed himself to indulge in the quiet of the morning and think back to that time with Lily.

_He stood outside his front door, tapping his foot as he anxio__usly waited for her to arrive. Even though it had only been a few days since he'd seen her, it felt like years. Glancing at his watch for the tenth time, he was happy to discover that the thirty minutes had passed and Lily was due to arrive._

_As if she could read his mind, a soft crack signalled her arrival, making James smile broadly, and perhaps a little weakly as well. It had been a gruelling few days and his energy level was at an all-time low._

_"James," she purred and gathered him in her arms. _

_He willingly sunk into her embrace, allowing her to comfort him, much the same way she did on Christmas. He could show his emotions with her and she didn't make him feel ashamed of them, like most girls would do. He would never tell his friends, but she was the one person her could count on to always be on his side. She was his haven in his stormy life._

_"Hey there," he said softly, running his hands through her long, silky hair. He tried to say something, but the words got stuck in his throat as the emotion of the last few days welled up inside him. _

_Arms tightening around her, James Apparated the two of them inside his house and walked silently, her hand in his, to the sitting room. Taking the room in, he realised it was a mess, as he'd taken to falling asleep each night after returning from a long, draining day spent with his mother. They fell onto the large sofa, Lily snuggling into him, her silence as much of a comfort as any words she could have spoken._

_They sat there for several moments, just enjoying their time together. She put her arm around his waist, stroking his jumper; he breathed in her scent, a mixture of floral and citrus he'd come to recognise specifically as her._

_Lifting her head, Lily broke the silence, saying, "How's your mum? Do you want to talk about it?"_

_A nod confirmed his response; he could tell her everything._

_"She's…better. The matrons and orderlies working with her say she's getting accustomed to things and even being friendly to some of the other residents." He sighed and laid his head back against the rear of the sofa. "Dad made potions for her to keep her mind working."_

_Lily gave him a quizzical look._

_"She went to a Healer appointment earlier this spring. She's got rapidly advancing dementia and Dad made the potions for her. They didn't tell anyone and when Dad died…"_

_"She stopped taking her medication." She leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm so sorry. Where is she now? Who were the men in the black cloaks?"_

_A deep breath helped to calm him down. "They're from the nursing home she and Dad had contacted. It's in Bristol. They went on their honeymoon there." A corner of his mouth turned up, the irony not lost on either of them. He went on to tell her everything about the last few days. She was wonderful; she didn't interrupt him and let him get it all out. He'd never forget what she did that afternoon._

_"You shouldn't have to deal with this. No one should," she whispered. "How's Sirius doing?"_

_Without lifting his head, he said, "That night, he was a mess, like me. But she's not his mum, no matter how many times he called her 'Mum Potter.' He's visiting Remus. I just didn't feel like it. He's coming back for New Year's."_

_"Good, good. You need him these days, too." Her hands went to his cheeks and turned him to her. "Thanks for letting me in."_

_She smiled briefly and leaned in, kissing his lips. It was comforting and yet, there was something else lying underneath the surface of the kiss, which slowly deepened with each pass. James could feel his worries lessen and the weight that made his shoulders ache lessened each time their tongues met or their hands roamed over a shoulder, an arm, down the back. She was a balm for his soul and made everything…right. There was no explaining how she made him feel; she calmed his nerves; she soothed his hurts; she excited him in ways no other witch could. It was as if they were made for each other, and all the wasted years were wretched preparations to get them to the same place in their lives. _

_James opened his eyes, discovering rather pleasantly, that Lily was draped across him, moving her body slowly over his, meeting the arch of his hips with a thrust of her own. Their eyes met and he couldn't help the stupid grin that he was sure was plastered on his face. She bit her lower lip, the way she did when she was in the middle of revising for an exam, which never failed to drive him up the wall with lust._

_Without a word, she got up from the sofa and stood before him, her small fingers going to work on the buttons of her blouse. He watched with wide eyes as she reached the bottom hem and shrugged the top off her shoulders, sending it floating to the floor. James swallowed hard, his mouth dry. His eyes, which he knew were full of lust, focused on her breasts, encased in a bra that really ought to be illegal. It was pink lace and left very little to the imagination, showing her nipples prominently. He swallowed again as Lily slid her hands down her stomach, the exact way she'd done in his thoughts, and dipped inside the waistband of her jeans and then made short work of the button and zipper at her waist. With deliberate motions, she shimmied herself out of the jeans, letting them pool at her feet, and stepped out of them, leaving her standing before him in her bra, tiny knickers, and a pair of navy blue socks._

When did she take her shoes off_?_ _he wondered lamely. _

_"I think the socks make the outfit, Evans," he quipped, chastising himself once the words were out of his mouth. An attractive blush swept over her face, starting at her ears and making its way onto her face and down her neck._

_She giggled, which made him feel a bit better, lifted one leg and removed the sock, then repeated the process until she was barefoot._

_"Better?" Lily struck a seductive pose, her left hip thrust to the side and an arm behind her head._

_"Damn." _

_Her knickers matched her bra and he wondered if she'd brought them here when she visited earlier in the week. If she had, and James had known she had them, there was no way he'd have let her go. The panties did very little to conceal the rich, dark red curls between her legs that he knew to be moist from the scent that was wafting from her._

_Eye contact was broken as she stepped toward him and straddled his waist, his erection poking her where he so wanted to be. Her breasts were_, Oh Merlin, _right in front of him and he couldn't help the way he bend his head and began licking the plump flesh and palming them in his hands. A sexy moan came from deep within her throat, making him leave her breasts and find her mouth, kissing her again as his hands continued to knead her over the lace of the bra._

_"You have too many clothes on, love," she reminded him breathily. _

_Reluctantly, he drew back and lamented his decision for he loved the taste of her lips. It was better than Honeydukes chocolate and even the tastiest raspberries. She was luscious. _

_"You'll have to let me up then," he pointed out, moving her to the side before standing up in the spot she had occupied moments earlier. _

_Crossing his arms in front of him, he lifted off his jumper and carelessly tossed it to the side. Lily, he noticed, was staring at him in much the same way he stared at her. The thought brought a wry smile to his face before he lifted off the t-shirt he'd worn underneath. His fingers fumbled with the buttons on his jeans, suddenly numb, as she began playing with her crotch, rubbing against the damp spot. Her legs were spread wide and one legs was even draped across the arm of the sofa. He'd never get through undressing if she kept that up._

_"Problem, Potter?"_

_"No," he squeaked, in a voice he hadn't spoken in for at least five years, making her chuckle at his discomfort, which was now greater than it had been in a long time._

_Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes to the visual seduction she waged, he was able to finish with the buttons and slid the rough denim down his thighs and onto the floor, removing his socks once he was free. His cock, so painful in its hardness, was tenting his Puddlemere United boxer shorts, threatening to peek through the slit of the front. Lily nodded in appreciation and moved to get up off the sofa. He stopped her with a shake of his head._

_"Wait." _

_James bent down and retrieved his wand from his jeans pocket and pointed it at the fireplace, causing a roaring fire to come to life. Then he turned to the floor, where a blanket lay discarded carelessly from that morning as he woke up and transfigured it into a rich, thick white fur rug. Another wave of his wand conjured up candles and soft music. Turning toward her, he saw she was speechless and teary-eyed._

_"It's how I've always imagined this," she said softly, wiping away the tears with her fingers before standing up and walking to him, stopping when she was toe to toe with him._

_"Yeah, I know."_

_They'd talked about this moment for days, weeks, even, and when she mentioned her fantasy of a fur rug and a fire, he knew what he had to do for her tonight. James leaned in to kiss her and with gentle pressure, he urged her onto the rug. She sunk down to her knees and when he matched her actions, held him to her and fell back against the white rug._

_Their lips met in another searing kiss that engaged their arms and hands as well as their tongues and lips. It was as if they couldn't get enough of touching, of tasting, of licking each other. His body slid over hers and tingles went through him as skin touched skin. James slid a knee between hers and she chuckled, beginning to grind against him. The tip of his cock peeked through the boxers, the head rubbing against the silky smooth flesh of her thigh. The friction was almost too much for him._

_James shot up onto his knees and set about tugging her knickers down, tossing them to the side while she unhooked her bra. Their eyes met and she smiled as she played with her breasts, making the nipples harden instantly. He could smell her arousal spurring him on and he just had to taste her, bending to the apex of her thighs and kissing his way around her lower lips, tasting her intimately and making her writhe beneath him._

_She muttered incoherently as his tongue dipped inside her and his fingers coaxed her body to the edge of pleasure. James knew she was close just by the sound of her breathing, ragging, shallow breaths which he doubted provided any oxygen at all to her body. Her hands grasped his shoulders and the fingertips dug into his skin, silently urging him to slide up her body and fully complete what they'd started._

_"Pleeeeease!" she hissed, still clawing at him. He knew she'd draw blood, but he didn't care._

_"Almost there, baby," he said against her engorged flesh and she whimpered at the vibrations of his mouth. _

_With a few more flicks of his tongue and swirls of his fingers, she came with a thunderous bellow, shocking him at her reaction and making him extremely proud of himself. He slid up her body and kissed her, the taste of her lips mixing with that of her cunt._

_"You taste fabulous. Can't you tell?" he said huskily before kissing her again._

_"Oh damn, James, please!" she begged again. "I want you, Potter!"_

_Her hands went to his hips and she tugged at him to centre him over her as she spread her legs for him. He couldn't help but laugh at her eagerness._

_"You really want this, don't you?" He raised himself up on his elbows and met her gaze. She was beautiful._

_Her intense emerald eyes were wide and the pupils nearly blocked out every bit of the colour. Her face was flushed a charming pink and a light sheen of sweat made her sparkle in the dim light of the room. Her plump lips begged for him to kiss her again and if he licked her bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, he was sure he'd get one last taste of her juices. _

_"You have to ask?" _

_Her hands went to his buttocks and she squeezed them while she shifted him again so that his cock was separated from its goal only by the thin material of his boxer shorts. _

_"And why are these still on?" she asked incredulously, her hands frantically pulling his underwear over his arse, getting them to his knees before grabbing him and then positioning him near her entrance._

_Out of nowhere, James began to panic._

_"Lily…hey, slow down. I don't want to rush this," he pleaded, rolling to the side and onto the white rug. Despite his words, his hands idly stroked her belly and her breasts. His cock had shrunk a bit, and if he were truly honest, he'd admit that it was a good thing. "I love you too much to have it over in seconds."_

_Lily sighed and placed a hand on his cheek. He leaned into her and closed his eyes. Her touch never failed to make him weak in the knees._

_"I love you. I want this and we've waited long enough. Make love to me. _Please_._"

_How could he deny that?_

_Kissing her tenderly, he resumed his place between her thighs and nudged her knees apart. He took a deep breath and grasped himself, sliding easily inside her. She gasped at his intrusion. _

_"Shhh…it's alright, Lil." He kissed her again—deep, loving kisses that expressed everything he felt for her. _

_Their kisses continued as they moved together, their bodies expressing the love between them._

James smiled again, feeling himself grow hard once again as the memory played out in his head.

It was a wonderful night with her. They made love again on the rug and then up in the room she had used. The following morning, he had awakened early, and when he saw her laying next to him, it was a dream come true. He watched her as she slept, her hair spread out across the pillow and he smiled. Desire rose up inside him again--he couldn't help it. James woke her with kisses and caresses and they made love again.

That was what he wanted for the rest of his life and the rest of his life included her.

A groan escaped his mouth again, the reality of his current life hitting him full force as the throbbing of his headache returned. He'd drunk way too much with Sirius the night before, but it was loads of fun. He'd missed spending time with his friend and the knowledge that Sirius was just as miserable as he was made things much more palatable.

* * *

Lily paced the platform at King's Cross outside the Hogwarts Express, waiting for James. She'd written to him the day before, asking him to meet her at the station. He'd readily agreed and she thought he would be there by now. She looked at the large clock again and swore. He said he'd be there fifteen minutes ago and his tardiness did not fit into her plans.

Every other year, she would wait for her friends and get on the train minutes before it left. It was a very social time for all the students and normally, Lily was a willing participant in the revelry. But this time, she wanted some alone time with James. The time she'd spent with him at his house, making love over and over again, thrilled and scared her at the same time.

She loved waking up to his smile and mischievous eyes. The way he woke her up that morning with his hands and lips was beyond anything she could have thought. Those moments with him banished the memories of Geoffrey and their sex life. James was a patient and generous lover, taking his time to prepare her and to please her. His hands were gentle as they moved across her body, coaxing out various reactions and noises from her. His lips worked their magic on her as they kissed, licked, and sucked their way over every inch of her. The way he made her feeling was indescribable.

And it wasn't just the sex. He challenged her mind and made her laugh like she'd never laughed before. He was intelligent, very intelligent, and Dumbledore had made the right decision in naming him Head Boy. He'd matured over the past year and changed from the arrogant obnoxious toe rag into a loving, caring, sensitive, yet still wildly mischievous young man. And she loved it.

What scared her, though, was her need for him. When she wasn't around him, she felt alone and out of sorts. She constantly thought about him, wanting to be with him, even if it was only to study or sit together. Never before had she felt this…desire for someone's presence. It was unnerving.

And then there were classes and school. How would they manage things when they got back? Having sex with him was something she definitely must continue, but she didn't want it to get in the way of her studies. The last thing she wanted was to lose focus of the real objective of this school year: finding a worthwhile job in the magical world.

And that led to her need to speak with James. They had to work out how they'd handle this new facet of their relationship. She'd thought long and hard about it since arriving home from spending the night with James. Sex couldn't be scheduled; she knew that much. But she still needed some reassurance from him that they wouldn't be shagging every minute they weren't in class.

That was another concern of hers. Her room, of course, was out of the question due to the enchanted stairs. Damn Founders and their silly ideas. There was no way in hell that she'd do it in James' room. Making love to James in the same room where his friends slept was just not conducive to amorous activities.

"Why am I analysing this?" she shouted, the echo of her words making her sound like a fishwife.

"I don't know who you're speaking with, Lily, but I may have to question your sanity and fitness for your position at the school."

She turned around and found Severus standing behind her.

"Oh, hey, Sev. How was your holiday?" She remembered the horrible Christmases he'd had when growing up but they'd been better since his father, Tobias, had left.

"Passable," he said with a sneer. "I heard something from Yaxley." The Slytherin in question walked up and stopped next to Severus, looking smug and haughty.

"What could he possible say that would interest me, Severus?" she asked in a huff, crossing her arms over her chest. If he was going to say what she thought he would, he would definitely regret it.

"Potter's mother…"

Lily felt anger rise inside her.

"…it appears…"

She stared at Severus. Yaxley wore a smarmy sneer.

"…has lost her mind. She's a nutter. A head case. Loopy."

Her wand hand started to itch and she began to think of ways to humiliate her former friend.

"Nothing to say, Lily?" He rose an eyebrow in a way that, she assumed, was meant to make him look superior.

"You keep your mouth shut, Severus. You know nothing about what's been going on," she seethed, drawing her wand and pointing it at his chin. "Keep your nose in your own business, if that's at all possible."

Lily spun on her heel and headed toward the train. On impulse, she spun around and hexed him, causing red boils to erupt on his face. Severus began scratching at his face, bellowing in pain until the spell faded. Laughter from Yaxley and a few other students punctuated her steps as she made her way to the prefect compartment.

_Serves him right_, she said to herself as she took the steps of the train in two leaps.

She pushed her way through the train, not caring that she'd bumped into several students in the process. Her frown was etched between her brows and she felt like hitting something. Instead, she flung herself onto the nearest chair and closed her eyes, soon falling asleep.

"She's in here, Prongs!"

Lily jumped at the sound and turned toward the door. It was Peter, wearing a relieved look on his face.

"What's wrong?" she asked, stretching her arms above her head.

"James…he couldn't find you," Peter stammered. "You shoulda seen him, Lily, he was beside himself. I thought you two were supposed to meet on the platform at 10:30?"

"We were…at 10:15…he was late," Lily huffed. "And then Severus—"

"What'd that git do to you?" interrupted James from the door of the compartment. Relief washed over his face and he made his way toward her. Before he could take more than one two steps, Lily leapt off the chair and into his arms. He caught her and kissed her enthusiastically while her legs wrapped around his waist.

"I'll just…leave, okay?" Peter said softly. Lily waved as he left the compartment and returned the kiss.

His hands went to her arse and he pulled her to him, pressing her crotch against his hard on. Taking a step back, he turned and pressed her up against the wall of the compartment. They continued to kiss and slide their bodies over the other, intensifying the sensations. James roared in delight as his fingers made their way to the hem of her skirt, making her immensely pleased that she'd put on her uniform instead of jeans. His anxious fingers inched their way to her inner thighs and found the edge of her panties, pushing them to the side. He slid one finger and then another into her warmth, and Lily arched her back, allowing James to devour her neck. Her tension built as he worked her, adding a third, and she was on the verge of coming when he stopped.

"Hold on," James whispered huskily.

Before she could answer him, he let go of her and quickly went to work on his flies, pushing his trousers and pants eagerly down to his knees. Stealing a glance downward, she saw him ready for her. Lily shifted and before she knew it, without knowing how he even managed it, she slid down onto him and gasped.

"Merlin," he muttered and then kissed her again.

They arched against the other before James began pounding into her. Lily felt her back sliding up and down the wall with each thrust, and her fingernails dug into his shoulders each time she met the wall. In no time at all, she was tightening around him. She buried her head against his neck to muffle her cries as she came hard. James followed right behind her, ramming her back against the wall one last time as he came, her name on his lips.

"Bloody hell," she whined as he withdrew, sliding down the wall and onto the floor. James smirked at her and crumbled next to her, his trousers still around his knees, breathing heavily.

"The door was locked, wasn't it?" he mused with another broad, cheeky grin which earned him a swat from Lily. "Hey!"

"Prat," she teased, standing up and straightening her skirt and blouse.

"But you love me, yeah?" James looked up at her with a pitiful, puppy dog look.

"Get up, you big, oaf." She held out her hand to help him up, which he readily accepted. His touch sent a jolt of electricity through her body. They'd just fucked up against the wall of the train compartment and here she was, wanting him again.

"You never answered my question," he reminded her, standing up and fastening his trousers. "You love me, don't you?" His mouth curved up in a smirk that made her look away, a blush rising along her neck.

"Of course, I do." She turned back to him. "You'd be much less interesting if I didn't."

The cheeky grin returned. "Bitch."

"Fucker."

"I love you."

"Why wouldn't you?" She leaned forward and kissed him soundly on the mouth.

* * *

Lily sat in the common room surrounded by books, parchment, quills, and ink. There was a smudge of ink on her cheek and her hair was messy. A headache was building behind her eyes. This was not the first time she found herself in this situation since returning to school a few weeks ago. Classes were becoming more intense: more essays, difficult exams, and the pressure of her upcoming N.E.W.T.s. She wanted to do well, to get high marks and get a good job once she finished school. That was the reason behind her late night study sessions in the library and the common room, where she now sat at a table tucked away in a niche.

But there was, of course, a price to be paid for all her scholastic enthusiasm. She rarely had any free time, she was ignoring her friends, and most of all, she was beginning to ignore James. The last casualty, James, really bothered her. She loved him more than she ever thought she could and the intensity of that love frightened her. But she was ignoring him, choosing studying over spending time with him, cuddling with him, making love with him.

They'd been intimate only twice since the train three weeks ago. She knew that James wanted her more often. He'd hinted on more than one occasion that he wanted her to stay in his dorm room, to wake up with her and make love again in the newness of the day. It was her own adversity to waking up to his friends there in the same room that kept her from agreeing to it. The memory of his touch haunted her and was something she truly missed, wanted again and soon. She sighed and looked out toward the fireplace, the embers dying down and causing a chill to form.

"Lily?" came James' soft voice.

She looked up and gave him a weary smile. She watched as he made his way toward her, his feet bare and his hair sticking up all over the place. He wore striped pyjama bottoms and a blue t-shirt.

"Hi." She couldn't help but note the tired sound of her voice. He sat down next to her, taking her quill from her hand and placing it across the table, out of her reach.

"You should get some sleep. It's two in the morning," he reminded her. He cocked his head to the side, as if he were seeing her for the first time.

"I have an exam on Friday."

"It's Tuesday, love. And you know all that already." James scooted closer and placed his arm around her chair, the heat from his body causing butterflies to form in her stomach.

"I have to get…I've got to do well, James. It wouldn't hurt if you studied a bit more, you know. Don't you want to get a good job, get ahead in the world?"

He laughed. He actually laughed.

"Work? I suppose I could, but what would be the point? I've got more money than Malfoy," he said, almost as if he didn't care.

Her mouth dropped and she was gobsmacked. She knew he was wealthy, but his light attitude towards an occupation bothered her, making her angry.

"So, you're just going to sit around on your arse, doing nothing for the rest of your life? Oh, that's ambitious." Lily moved her chair backwards, making a harsh grating sound on the wooden floor.

"That's not what I was planning to do at all," he shot back at her, furrowing his brow. "I have boards to sit on in my parents' place, a foundation to oversee, and a charity to run. Don't you _dare_ tell me I'll be sitting on my arse."

"What?"

James continued to stare at her as if she'd hurt his feelings. Deep down, she knew she had.

"I have things I _need _to do, Lily. I don't know if I'd have time for something I'd _want_ to do, actually." He shook his head and sighed. "I'm sorry, Lil. I'm tired and want you to go up to bed."

"You're not my mother." She cringed at her tone. "Sorry. But…but I just can't disappoint myself."

"Lily, you're not perfect. Don't roll your eyes at me, young lady," he added when she did just that. "Stop trying so hard and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Come on and go up to bed."

"I'm not going up with you," she said, noting the way his own eyes rolled. "I don't want them to…_know_." She whispered the last word and blushed.

"You honestly think they don't know already?"

That was the worst thing he could have possibly said at that moment. She stood up and hastily threw her things into her bag, her anger building inside.

"And of course, you had to go _blab_ everything about our private time, had to tell them you'd finally _fucked_ me, didn't you?" She wiped the ink off her cheek. "Did you crow it from the Astronomy Tower when we got back?"

"Lily—"

"Did you have a good laugh over me?" Tears were streaming down her face. "Have a nice time telling them how we fucked like _beasts_ on the train?" Her bag was full and she turned toward the stairs.

"NO!" he shouted. "They figured it out all by themselves. They're not dumb, you know. Didn't have to exactly spell it out for them."

"Fine, you didn't tell them," she said angrily. "But I'm not going to bed with you tonight."

"What's new about that?" he muttered, barely audible, as he headed toward the stairs.

"To hell with you, Potter!" Her voice was shrill and echoed against the stone walls of the common room. James stopped, yet kept his back turned to her. "That's what you wanted, didn't you? Thought you could just worm your way into my bed with a few words of encouragement? If all you want is a shag, just go and find Narcissa. I'm sure she'd be _more _than willing to oblige you again!"

She watched as his shoulders sank and his head hung down. He sighed heavily and turned around, wearing an inscrutable look on his face and his jaw was clenched.

"If you knew how wrong you were about that, you'd know how much that hurt." He turned around again and silently made his way up the stairs.

She stared after him, taking note of the heavy steps he took. And his face. The look on his face when he spoke was one she'd never seen before, almost as if the colour had drained from it along with all his energy. What didn't she know?

The sound of a door slamming startled her, causing her to jump. He was angry and she didn't blame him. She'd hurt him with her remark and vowed that she'd get it out of him, no matter how painful it was to them both.

* * *

The morning she turned eighteen dawned bright and beautiful. Lily looked at the end of her bed and found several presents. Upon further investigation, she found one from her parents, one from her aunt and uncle in Blackburn, and a round one from Pamela and Mary. She smiled, but inside, she was disappointed that there wasn't one from James. Maybe he didn't know it was her birthday. No, he seemed to know everything about her and he was sure to know. The most likely reason was due to their argument in the common room last week. Ever since then, he'd been cold to her. He didn't seek her out at the table at meal times; he studied alone in his room, befuddling both his friends and her; he didn't hold her hand in the corridors even though she walked alongside his friends. They hadn't been alone for any length of time and hadn't spoken about anything other than classes. It was a miserable existence, but she didn't know how to fix it.

"Happy Birthday!" announced Pamela, who bounded toward her bed and jumped next to her. "Eighteen. Legal in both worlds."

Lily smiled and grabbed the present from her parents. It was the same thing they'd given Petunia on her eighteenth birthday: a string of Mikimoto pearls. Her aunt and uncle had given her a book of Shakespeare's sonnets.

"Shakespeare?" asked Mary. "Who's that?" She crossed the room and sat on the bed next to Pamela, yawning and stretching her arms above her head.

"Muggle playwright from the 1500s," Lily informed her friend. "Elizabeth the first was enthralled with him." She placed the book on her bedside table and reached for the one from her friends. "You guys!"

It was a box of chocolate and not just any chocolate. It was full of all the best chocolates in the world, from Austria, Germany, Switzerland, Belgium, Ireland, Britain, and the United States. Chocolate was Lily's biggest weakness, and six and a half years of living with her had taught Mary and Pamela something, at least.

"You're welcome," Mary answered brightly. "Chocolate is a cure for whatever ails you."

At that remark, Lily's face fell; there was no hiding it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

Lily gathered her composure and waved her friend off. "Don't worry about it. I just need to talk to him. That's all." She took a sideways glance at her clock. "It's still early. I think I'm going to go downstairs before breakfast."

Once down in the common room, she walked over to the window seat that she and James usually occupied, only to find someone already there. Her heart raced.

"J—James?" she asked hopefully.

The figure on the seat turned around and gave her a crooked smile. It was Sirius.

"Sorry to disappoint you, Evans," he said suavely, scooting over to make room for her. "Have a seat."

Gathering her dressing gown tight around her middle, she sat next to James' friend and curled up in the corner. Neither of them knew what to say and they sat in uncomfortable silence.

"So….happy birthday," he said softly, smiling crookedly again.

"How—how'd you know?" She knew the answer, of course, but just wanted him to say it.

He chuckled and answered, "Prongs, of course. He's got something planned for you today."

"Really?" That was the last thing she'd expected today, especially after their fight. "But we had a fight. He hasn't said more than 'pass the salt' to me in the last week."

"Lily, just because you had a fight with him doesn't mean he doesn't care anymore. His pride's hurt."

"Why? What happened with her?" She'd heard only bits and pieces from her friends of his short relationship with Narcissa, if that's what it could be called, but nothing that would explain his reaction.

"You really don't know?" Sirius asked, his brow furrowed as he shook his head in disbelief.

"No, I don't. He won't tell me," she admitted.

Sirius sighed, scooted over to Lily, and put an arm around her.

"I s'pose I can tell you, if you want."

She nodded and looked toward the stairs, almost willing him to come down.

"My cousin and her silver-haired beau had a falling out and James happened upon her as she was crying down by the dungeons. He'd had detention."

Lily nodded. James was always getting into trouble.

"Well, a woman in tears, even if it is a Slytherin one, makes him, and any other bloke for that matter, a pile of nerves, unable to think clearly and reduces him to a blubbering idiot," he stated with a deep breath. "He couldn't just walk away and leave her there, you know."

Lily nodded. "So she was crying and he patted her shoulder?"

Sirius shifted uncomfortably on the window seat and looked at her.

"We-e-e-ll…there's a bit more to it than that."

Lily bit her bottom lip, anxiously waiting for more explanation. She had an idea of what the rest of it would entail, but she needed to hear this.

"Go on."

"Okay, now the way James tells it, he put his arm around her and tried to get her to talk about what happened. She was blubbering and he couldn't understand a word she was saying. So they just sat there for a while until she calmed down enough to stop crying. She said 'thank you' and leaned over to kiss his cheek but then stopped and said she wanted to 'really' kiss him. Well, all that raw emotion lead to…a desk in one of the Potions classrooms."

She couldn't say anything in response to that and he continued.

"And, well, they kept going at it for about a week until she got a package from her twat of a boyfriend."

"What does Lucius have to do with this?" She shook her head in disbelief.

"Well, the two of them had a fight and he chucked her," he stated bluntly. "Cissy told him that she was fucking James, that he was much better than him, blah, blah, blah. So he sent her a fur and begged her to take him back. She walked over to James and handed him some Galleons, telling him that, quote, 'All whores need to be paid.' James threw the money against a window and broke it. He was pretty messed up after that."

Lily remembered hearing about the broken window, but the situation around it never made its way to her. No one, in fact, really knew what had happened with the two of them once all the talk about them stopped. Now, she just thought it was sad. Narcissa was a cruel bitch. Of that, there was no doubt.

"I…I remember that, the way he was. He was…quiet," she stated. James was never quiet; something had to be extremely wrong with him if he was withdrawn. Like now.

Her mouth opened and her heart sunk. She'd done the same thing to him by bringing up his past with Narcissa. Suddenly, all his actions and words about that time with her made sense. He was made to feel cheap and dirty. In some ways, it was worse coming from Lily; she loved him, after all.

She couldn't help the tears that began to form in her eyes and soon found herself sobbing. Her body shuddered against her will as nausea rose from deep within her stomach.

"Lily…Lily, don't. Please don't cry," he said steely. "I'm not about to…er, comfort you." He reached over and stiffly patted her on the shoulder with a little rub on her back.

She snorted and began laughing. "Don't worry, Black. You're probably carrying every strain of VD known to man."

"Ha, ha," he said dryly. "Go on, get on up there. You know you want to." He shoved her off the window seat and she stumbled away toward the stairs. "Grovel. Remember to grovel."

* * *

"James?" she asked, propping herself up on one elbow and looking down at him.

"What?" he answered, his voice groggy and his eyes droopy with sleep.

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way," she whispered. "I had no idea." Her hand went to his fringe and brushed it back from his head.

"Lily…" James sat up and took her hand. "It's okay. Really. I should have told you before all this. Besides, I thought I forgave you already. Twice."

Lily felt the blush rise in her cheeks and pulled the sheet over her breasts. She had left Sirius in the common room and ran up the seven flights of stairs to find James still sleeping. Without asking Remus and Peter to leave, she slipped onto James' bed and woke him. Between kisses, hugs, and laughter, Lily apologised and received forgiveness. Of course, making up wouldn't be nearly as pleasant if there wasn't some sort of reward.

"You are the most insufferable, arrogant, self-righteous—"

"Shut up and kiss me," he interrupted with a playful grin as he crept toward her.

"Sorry, love," she began, "but we have classes. We're already too late for breakfast and McGonagall will have a fit if we skive off. Come on, Prongs." Lily slid off the bed, holding out her left hand while the right clutched the sheet to cover herself. "It's my birthday, remember? I think I want to celebrate in my birthday suit."

She flashed a mischievous grin at him and headed toward the bathroom. James leapt off the bed to chase after her in all his naked glory. Laughing, he picked her up and carried her into the bathroom.

It was the best birthday ever.


	9. Spring

Changing Perceptions

_A James and Lily Fan-Fiction_

Part Seven--Spring

James paced outside the headmaster's office, nervous and worried that he was going to be expelled or something. He'd almost finished his seventh year and, regardless of the fact that school was not his top priority, having come this far and not finishing would be disastrous. Lily, for one, would be irate and probably never speak to him again. Of course, with his charms, he was sure he'd be able to convince her to change her mind. He was talented that way; she never stayed mad at him for long.

He glanced at his watch again and groaned. Professor Dumbledore's previous appointment was going long and James had Quidditch practice in an hour. He sank to the floor and laid his head on his knees to think about more pleasant things.

A smile flashed across his face as he thought of Lily. Since her birthday in January, things had intensified between them considerably. They spent most of their waking hours, as well as a good portion of their sleeping hours, together. They had worked through things in January regarding the argument they'd had. And, despite his reluctance, he told her all the details about Narcissa. It wasn't easy or pleasant, but he also told her about Teresa. Lily was horrified that he'd been involved with a twenty-year-old when he was fifteen, but she couldn't deny that he'd learned some very useful things.

He was startled from his thoughts by the reappearing stairs and shocked by whom he saw. Lily.

"What are you doing here?" he stammered. Dumbledore must've found out they've been having sex and was chucking them both out of school. Fortunately, she was smiling.

"Don't worry, love," she said as she brushed the hair out of his eyes. "We'll talk when you finish with him." She leaned over and kissed him. Without another word, Lily left him standing there next to the gargoyle.

"Are you going in or are you just going to stand there all night?" the gargoyle mumbled.

"Er, yeah. Sorry," he answered and stepped onto the stairs, slowly climbing until he reached the door.

"Come in, James," Professor Dumbledore announced before James crossed the threshold. "Sit." He pointed toward a chair by the desk and sat down in his own.

Anxiously, James went to the chair and sat down nervously.

"I want to emphasize that this conversation is to remain confidential. Please do not discuss this meeting with anyone I do not mention by name," Dumbledore stated, placing his hands together in an inverted 'v.'

"Okay." Nerves were building inside him and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"I assume you are aware of Lord Voldemort and his quest for power?"

"Yes, sir." James shivered at the use of the name.

"Good, good. Now, what are your plans after Hogwarts?"

_That was unexpected_, James thought.

"Well, with my situation at home, I have family responsibilities to handle with a couple foundations and charities," he answered. "Other than that, I really don't need to work."

Dumbledore nodded. "I see. The charities—are they run by your family or are they merely board positions?" He raised an eyebrow, looking at James curiously.

"Er, they're mostly board positions. But, pardon me sir, but what does that have to do with You-Know-Who and my career?" Dumbledore's line of questioning was beginning to irritate him.

Dumbledore chuckled. "Don't worry, James. All will be explained." He paused and smiled, sort of. "I have a job offer for you."

"A…a job offer?" James squeaked in reply.

"I am part of an organization called the Order of the Phoenix, a group of witches, wizards and Squibs dedicated to overthrowing Voldemort's regime, since the Ministry appears unable to do so."

"Like…the the Muggle French resistance?"

Dumbledore smiled completely this time. "I see you've been paying attention in Muggle Studies."

James blushed at the comment. Lily was the one who made sure he paid attention. With a tutor like her, why wouldn't he?

Dumbledore continued, "We are looking for young people, such as yourself, to join us. You are extremely skilled in Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts. These talents are proving extremely useful in our quest."

"What…what would I be doing?"

"You and the others would work with Frank and Alice Longbottom, working to deplete his ranks."

"Wait a minute," James began, sitting forward and placing his elbows on his knees, "they're…they're Aurors." Frank and Alice had left Hogwarts two years earlier; they were both Gryffindors.

"Yes, we do have Aurors in our organization. The Longbottoms are…dissatisfied with the way the Ministry is handling Voldemort and his followers."

"Death Eaters."

Dumbledore chuckled. "Yes. As far as the Order, you would be working in very dangerous circumstances. You would be advised to resign your board positions prior to joining us. It would also be prudent for you to write a will and set up a trust with Gringotts in order to protect your assets and holdings. To prepare, in case you don't…survive."

"Lily," James whispered.

Over the past few months, she had become more important to him and he had even thought of marrying her eventually. Dumbledore's proposition, while intriguing and worthwhile, was a bit too serious for him.

"Ah, yes, Miss Evans," the headmaster said softly. "You two are close, are you not?"

"Y—yes, sir."

"And I assume you saw her leave my office?"

James began to panic, his eyes widening at the realisation that she'd been given the same offer.

"Her? You asked her to join?"

"Yes, I did. She was extremely excited and pleased at the prospect." Dumbledore stood and crossed the room to stand before the window. "Her talents in Charms and Potions would be quite helpful."

"That's not fair, sir," James yelped, his heartbeat increasing and perspiration forming on his brow. "You're using her to get to me and I won't let you do that to me. Or to her!" James shot out of the chair and stomped over to the door.

"Stop!" Dumbledore bellowed, giving James no choice but to turn around. "Do you love her, James Potter?"

"More than anything," he said, just loud enough for the headmaster to hear.

"And that is our greatest weapon. We fight because we love our fellow man and the world we have been given. Those who seek to steal this from us are incapable of love. They are selfish and abuse their powers for their own personal gain. James, we are faced with an evil we have not seen in years. Voldemort is far more dangerous, far more evil than anyone could have imagined.

"That is why Frank and Alice married before finishing their training. They know and understand that using their love for one another makes them a thousand times stronger than fighting alone. You and Lily are no different. Your powers complement each other and the bond of love between you will only intensify them."

James, despite himself, he felt tears form in his eyes. The idea of Lily going off to fight without him and possibly dying, was the most devastating thought he'd ever had. At the same time, he was angry that his and Lily's relationship was being used for Dumbledore's gain.

"I won't do it. I won't let you use us like that. I don't know what you said to Frank and Alice, but it won't work with me," James shouted, his nostrils flaring in anger. "I'll convince her to say 'no' if it's the last thing I do!"

* * *

James sat atop the Astronomy Tower, sulking. He'd skipped dinner after his meeting with Dumbledore and came up here after Quidditch practise. There was a lot for him to think about since that afternoon. Part of him was thrilled at the offer to work for the Order of the Phoenix: tracking down Death Eaters, defending his way of life, making the future safe for those to come. That was exactly what he wanted to do, especially after his father's remarks about werewolves that morning several months ago. It was the sort of thing that would make his mother proud.

Then Dumbledore had to go and bring Lily into it. James knew he was being chauvinistic, but it just wasn't something she should have to do. Battling on the front lines was something wizards were supposed to do. They were supposed to protect their witches and make the world safe for them, not the other way around. In his mind, it wasn't chauvinistic; it was chivalrous.

He shivered at the breeze and looked up in the sky. Stars were just beginning to come out and Venus shone brightly in the eastern sky. The stars reminded him of a piece of jewellery inside a little box he had placed in his school trunk at the end of the Christmas holidays. He'd found it in his parents' Gringotts vault inside a wooden box labelled with his name. When he opened it, there was a letter from his mother.

_Dear James,_

_I wanted to give this to you when you finished Hogwarts, but if you're reading this, it's obvious I can't. Whether I'm dead or at St. Dymphna's, you are meant to have the items in here._

_You've always been such a charming boy and the girls love you. I know you've had girlfriends, despite you not wanting to tell me about them. One day, there will be a young lady that you can't live without, who will make your heart fly like an eagle on the wind. Marry her, James. Trust your heart and it will never fail you._

_I know your father doesn't talk about such things, but whomever you choose, we will love her. Her bloodline doesn't matter to me, but Cornelius doesn't agree. He has some silly ideas that have been floating around for years. I didn't let him talk about it around you. Like I said, trust your heart._

_Whenever you think the time is right, give her this ring, my darling. It was your great-great-grandmother Abbott's ring and was made especially for her in South Africa. _

_No matter where I am when you read this, please know that I love you and I thank Merlin that I was your mother. I have no regrets, except that I am not there to see you marry her._

_All my love forever and ever,_

_Mummy_

At the time, all James knew was that he loved Lily, but marriage never entered his mind. He thought they were too young and he wanted her to have the career she'd always dreamed of. But now, as war was becoming reality outside these ancient stone walls, he wanted to seize the moment and take advantage of every moment he could have with her. He needed her in his life for as long as possible, whether it would be three years, thirty years, or eighty-two years.

"James."

He turned at the sound of her voice and smiled wanly. Normally, he would flash his crooked grin that would turn her resolve to mush and she'd snog him on the spot. But now, it just wasn't in him. His brain hurt from thinking so much.

"Hey."

He slid down the battlement and settled himself down on the cold, stone floor. With his head cocked in her direction, he patted the surface next to him and she sat down.

"You've been gone a long time," she said softly, linking her fingers with his.

"Mmm hmm."

"Sirius and Peter went looking for you in the Forest."

"Oh."

"Remus went to the Shrieking Shack."

"Uh huh."

"I looked everywhere else," she told him. "If you weren't up here, I was going to wake McGonagall."

"'s a good thing you found me. Old bird needs her beauty sleep."

Lily snorted. "So are you going to tell me why you're up here or not?"

James took a deep breath as he continued to stare off into the night.

"Dumbledore. Before you say anything, I know I have no right to tell you what to do, but I wish you wouldn't."

She made a sound in protest, but he cut her off.

"Let me finish." He still stared at the dark sky. "He told me his theory about love and that it's our, the Order's, greatest weapon. If you were to…If I lost you, Lily, I don't know what I'd do. I don't want to see you put in that position." He turned to her and said, "I love you too much to let you put yourself in that much danger."

Their eyes locked for a few moments before she shook her head.

"You can't make that decision for me. I'm of age and I want to do something worthwhile. You know that."

He turned to face her fully and took her hands in his.

"Of course I do," he said plaintively. "But there are so many other things you could do. You got more OWLs than anyone I know and you're well on your way to earning a sickeningly large amount of NEWTs. You can have your pick of Ministry positions."

She looked down into her lap and shook her head.

"No, I can't. I've tried applying for jobs, but I've been turned down."

His jaw dropped in surprise.

"WHAT? That's just stupid. You're brilliant, Lil."

"Doesn't seem to matter for some people," she said almost too softly to hear.

"What do you mean?" He took her chin and lifted her face to meet his gaze.

She took a deep breath and withdrew her wand. "_Accio rejection letters_!"

James' mouth fell open. _Did she say rejection letters?_

"Lily…"

He was interrupted by several letters flapping toward him, fluttering to the stone floor of the tower. He bent down alongside Lily, stopping her hands when she began to pick them up.

"Here, read this one," she said blandly, handing him a letter. "It's rather succinct and much like the others."

He took the parchment from her and scanned the letter. His mouth gaped open at phrases such as '…not interested…', '…maintain Pure-blood control…', '…not fitting Ministry protocol.' The list went on and on.

"They…they can't do that!" he screeched.

"Well, they did. I'm not fit for a job in the Ministry and I can't even appeal the decisions." She sat back silently, crossed her arms and sighed heavily. "I can't do anything else."

"Don't say that!" He grabbed her face and turned it toward his, forcing her to look him in the eye. "You have so much talent, such awesome magical power. You could do so much, Lily."

She placed her hands over his. "I know what I want to do. I want to work with Dumbledore. That's what I feel is my destiny, James." She tilted her head to the side at his furrowed brow. "I'm not doing this to settle. This is everything that I've wanted to do in one job. Isn't that what you want, too? You always said you wanted to do something different than what was expected of you. You wanted to do something for people like Remus and me. This is your chance. _Our_ chance." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand her point of view.

He exhaled the breath he didn't know he was holding and realised that she was right. It was just the thing he was thinking of when his father had insulted Remus, albeit unknowingly. If he did this with her, he would be there to try and protect her; they could work together and set the world right.

"Okay," he whispered. "If that's what you want, then I'll do it."

Her face brightened as joy filled her and she literally beamed at him. Her arms went round his neck and she pulled him to her, kissing him firmly and enthusiastically. His thinking muddied and all thought of trying to talk rationally with her about the dangers of the prospect of their future employment flew right off the Astronomy Tower.

-

* * *

Sirius handed James the bottle of Firewhisky with a chuckle. "So is Evans all prim and proper in the sack, too?"

James snorted and spat the liquor into Sirius' face. "Merlin, no! 'm no' sayin' any more," he answered with a drunken slur.

"Come on, Prongs, jus' a li'l information," pleaded Peter, taking the bottle from James. "She's got a great arse."

James turned to Peter and glared at him. "Yer lookin' at my bird's ass? Keep yer eyes to y'self." He made to poke Peter in the chest but fell over onto the ground of the Forbidden Forest.

"Jus' wanna have some new material for dreams, tha's all," added Peter before taking a swig of Firewhisky and passing it along to Remus.

"She _is_ a good kisser," piped in Remus, with a teasing smile, earning him stares from all three of his friends. He straightened his jumper and merely looked at his friends. "Well, she is!"

"Did you feel her up? Touch her cunt?" Sirius asked gleefully as James felt his temper begin to rise.

"Or did you go down on her?" Peter asked, all too eagerly for James' taste.

James merely watched and listened as his three friends went on to banter about Remus' possible sexual exploits with Lily. Finally, he'd had enough and stood up, kicking the bottle away from their gathering.

"SHUT. THE FUCK. UP!" It was suddenly very quiet and all three of them turned to look at him with shocked expressions on their faces. "That's _my_ woman! _My_ girl and I'm gonna _marry_ her!"

With a huff, he spun around, transformed into Prongs and took off into the forest. Trees were blurs as he ran and nearly ran into one a time or two. Even though deer didn't cry, the tears threatened to break through. He kept running.

Prongs ran down a hill and rushed past a trio of centaurs. They were irritated but recognised him and went back to their discussion. As he neared the edge of the forest, he slowed to a trot and carefully left the sanctity of the trees. He could see Hagrid's hut on his left and made his way over to the trough, where he knew he would find something to eat. As a deer, James really had no preference for specific things; he ate what deer ate. He found some kernels of corn and began eating.

He didn't come to Hagrid's often, but when he did, he preferred to be alone, away from his friends. On a few occasions, Hagrid came out and talked to him; James wasn't sure if the big man knew he wasn't a real deer or not. James would answer by either nodding or shaking his head. A sliver of light came from the hut and James looked up. Hagrid had spotted him.

"There ye are, Buck," Hagrid said gruffly. "Hadn't seen ye in a while." When he neared Prongs, he held out a hand, which was sniffed in greeting. "Ye been a'right?"

Prongs nodded his head up and down.

"Find yerself a lady friend yet?"

Another series of nods.

"Any littl'uns?"

This time, Prongs shook his head side to side.

"Don' worry. Nature has a way of working things out fer all her creatures." Hagrid reached out a hand and scratched him between the antlers. It really was an itchy spot, one James could never get to when he rubbed the antlers against a tree. "Jus' keep on lovin' her, an' it'll all work out in the end."

Truer words, James realised, were never spoken by giant or man. If Hagrid only knew to whom he was really speaking with, James was sure the words wouldn't have been said at all. Everyone knew that Hagrid preferred animals to humans and if anyone ever tried to convince James that he was a gruff, unfeeling brute, they'd have to face his wand.

With a swift exhale, Prongs bowed his head and took off running toward the castle, feeling much better. His friends were drunk and only acting like blokes who didn't know how to handle alcohol. But he was going to make one thing abundantly clear: no one spoke about Lily like that ever again.

It was true, what he said about marrying her. While they hadn't really had the specific conversation, James was sure it would come up soon. He was going to her house for Easter, which happened to be the day before his birthday this year. He was bound and determined to ask her father for permission to marry her. That is, after James begged for the man's forgiveness at acting like a randy thirteen-year-old the last time they met, of course.

* * *

About twenty minutes outside London, James squeezed her hand and kissed the top of her head. Even though he would never admit it to her, he was extremely nervous about seeing her parents, especially her father again. Their first introduction was less than ideal and James knew he had to mend that particular fence above anything else.

"Let me guess … you're nervous," she teased him. "I remember feeling the same way in December."

He groaned in answer and lay his head back. "Yeah, well, my mum didn't find us groping each other the first time you met her."

With a chuckle, she answered, "True. I also wasn't the one who said I got my looks from my father." He groaned again, this time bending forward and holding his head in his hands.

"He hates me," he mumbled into his hands.

"No," she reassured him. "He actually said you were rather funny." She shook her head at the memory of James' sputtering and inane attempts to impress her father.

"Don't lie to me, Lil. I saw the look on his face."

"Well, after you left, I found him and Mum in the kitchen. He was trying desperately not to laugh as he told her about what happened. Of course," she said as she ran a hand through his hair, "once he noticed me, he cleared his throat, turned on his fatherly tone and began to remind me of the proper way to behave with a young man."

He lifted his head and smirked at her before launching himself into her and holding her close.

"And you listened to him very well, didn't you?" He nuzzled her neck and kissed her lightly, causing all sorts of reactions in her that she really didn't want only a few minutes before seeing her parents.

"Shut up," she said flatly. "Come on. We have to help everyone off the train." She rose from her seat and headed toward the compartment door.

"You know," he said smoothly, "one would think that after two round trips on the train, the ickle firsties should be able to get onto the platform and find their parents by themselves."

James pulled her backwards into him and began nuzzling her neck again, sending his hands roaming over her front. Her head fell back against her will and she moaned. Despite herself, she found herself reacting to his touch. Her heart rate sped up and her hips moved erotically of their own volition. Dear Merlin, how could he do this to her?

"James…" she whispered huskily.

"Just a little, Lily. Once I get to your house, your dad will keep me away from you. I know he will." His hands cupped her breasts, massaging their weight in his hands and making her knees turn to jelly.

"N…no," Lily whimpered. "Stop, James." With a deep breath, she took a deep breath and stepped away from him. "We have a job to do."

She really would have enjoyed a little dalliance on the train with him, but she was honour-bound to look after the other students, no matter what James could do with his hands. And his lips. And his mouth, his body and his…This was going to be hell. Taking a deep breath, she slid open the door of the compartment and stepped into the corridor. She knew, or rather felt, that James wouldn't be following her out just yet. She chuckled quietly to herself and strolled toward one of the exits with a whistle.

Once all the students had exited the train at the station, Lily and James were able to gather up their things and make their way to the platform to meet her parents. Once they were through the barrier, Lily groaned. Instead of her parents, the sour faces of her sister and brother-in-law greeted her and James.

"Where're Mum and Dad?" she asked harshly.

"Home. Dad had a spill at work and broke his leg," Petunia said as she turned around swiftly. Their mother didn't drive, so that explained why she wasn't there.

"Why didn't anyone tell me he got hurt?" Lily reached out, grabbed her sister by the shoulder and spun her around. "Did anyone even think of letting me know about this before now?"

Petunia hissed, "Mother didn't want to bother you. Now kindly let me go!"

Lily had a few choice words for her sister ready on her lips, but the look that Vernon was giving her was more than a bit scary. Instead, she took a breath.

"Petunia, Vernon, this is my boyfriend, James Potter." It felt odd referring to him like that in front of her sister. Petunia never referred to Vernon as a boyfriend and Lily had never had anyone to introduce as such in her years at Hogwarts.

"Pleased to meet you," James said cordially and extended his hand to Vernon.

Vernon looked at James' hand and appeared as if he would break out in warts if he were to touch him.

"Potter," he huffed. "Let's go. Traffic's a mess." He placed his wife's hand on his arm and together, they began to stroll out of the station, leaving James and Lily behind with two trolleys and very shocked faces.

"Is he always such an arse?" James asked as he pushed his trolley after them.

"No. Actually, he was rather well-behaved. He must like you," she teased and ran past him to follow her sister.

* * *

"Lily. James. In the study. Now," came her father's gruff voice as soon as the dishes were placed in the dishwasher.

James audibly swallowed and it appeared as if he'd gone a bit green. Lily had to stifle a giggle when she realised he looked rather fetching in green and discreetly hugged him.

"He's a softy, love," she purred into his ear.

James rolled his eyes and looked visibly ill as the two of them followed him into the study, the 'scene of the crime,' as it were. James and Lily sat on the very sofa where they were caught mid-snog and the fact was not lost on either of them. He turned sheepishly toward her and flashed a quick smile at her while she felt a blush rising on her cheeks.

"A few ground rules," her father announced as he sat opposite them in a recliner, placing his crutches on the floor. "I know you two are seeing each other and as Lily's mother has told me, that you are quote…in love." His eyes never left James, indicating that this lecture was primarily for James.

"Y-yes, sir. I…I'm in love with your daughter," James admitted with a squeaky voice.

"Do you treat her the way you said you'd been raised?" He raised an eyebrow, which made Lily feel her stomach drop and all the blood rush out of her face.

"Dad…" she begged, which earned her a raised finger, George Evans' signal for 'not now.' Lily hated the fact that her father was going to use James' words against him.

"Sir?" James looked curiously at her father and then at Lily.

She gave him a look that she hoped would remind him of that day, but of course, deep down, James was completely unable to decipher her subtle reminder.

"Do you bring her flowers? Do you hold the door open for her?"

Realisation swept across James' face and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Lily could only watch, the power of speech temporarily eluding her.

"Ah, I see you recall our last conversation," he pointed out. "Do you remember the last thing you told me?"

Lily would have preferred if the world had just swallowed her up whole rather than have James answer that question. As she glanced over at him, she noticed that he, too, knew exactly what her father was speaking of.

"I remember."

"Are you, James? Are you, as you put it, 'keeping your pecker in your pants'?"

_Please lie, please lie, please lie__, _Lily silently pleaded with him_._

He shook his head and looked at the floor in shame. "No, sir. Sorry, sir. It won't happen again, sir. Ever, sir."

Lily was ready to swat James on the head when she caught sight of her father's chin trembling as he valiantly tried to hold in a laugh. She really thought she would kill her father at that moment.

"Well, James," he said, clearing his throat and most likely, getting rid of his laughter, "I wouldn't say you won't do it ever again. Just not here. In my house. Where I live."

James raised his head and took in the older man's stern look and Lily's wide eyes.

"Of course, sir. Whatever you say, sir," he replied hurriedly. Obviously, he couldn't wait to get out of the room.

"Very good." He reached for his crutches but James sprang up and retrieved them for him instead. "Thank you, James. Now, did Astrid tell you you're staying in the room right above ours and that the floors squeak?"

* * *

"Mum, where's James?" Lily asked her mother Easter evening.

"What, dear?" She looked up from the book she'd been reading. "Did you need something?"

Lily sat on the sofa next to her mother and sighed heavily. She wanted to talk to James about going out the next night for his birthday but he was no where to be found.

"James. D'you know where he is?"

Her mother smiled dreamily. "Mmm. He's out with your father." She was eerily…cheerful.

Lily began to panic. Her father and James were together by _choice_? Was that good or bad?

"You're kidding, right?" When her mother didn't answer, Lily spoke a bit louder. "Mum! What's going on? What'd Daddy do to him?"

Astrid chuckled again. "What makes you think that your father would want to harm the poor boy?"

Was her mother being deliberately obtuse? Lily wondered.

"Dad doesn't exactly like him. Remember?" She stood up and walked over to the window, searching the street for them.

"He doesn't hate him, love. He thinks he's…unique."

"Unique? In a good way or a bad way?" Lily shrieked.

"Lily, the fact that he agreed to your bringing him home should tell you something."

Lily smiled briefly to herself. After the first day, things had gone remarkably well. Her father had given them a wide berth, while keeping a watchful eye on them; however, he did forget that they were able to Apparate. Lily was better at it than James was; she was quieter, so she snuck up to his room once. He was too scared to trick her father more than that.

"For a smart girl, you're not very intuitive, dear," her mother said.

Lily spun around and crinkled her brow. "And what's that supposed to mean?" She watched her mother shake her head and cross the room to join Lily at the window.

"James wanted to talk to George about you. The two of you, to be more precise." She leaned over, gave her daughter a kiss on the cheek and hummed Wagner's _Wedding March_ as she left the room, leaving Lily staring out the window with a happy tear trailing down her cheek.

* * *

"And then what'd you say?" Sirius asked over the rim of his glass of ale. Lily and James met the other Marauders at a local pub near Lily's house to celebrate James' birthday. The conversation had taken a quick turn to James' experience at the Evans' home.

"I said I'd never have sex again." James laid his head on the table with a 'thunk,' causing his friends and Lily to burst out in laughter.

"No effing way!" screeched Peter as he wiped the ale from his mouth.

"It was rather pathetic, boys," Lily said. "But Dad was trying very hard to not laugh."

James' head popped up.

"No! He was laughing at me?" he asked indignantly. "And…and you only Apparated into my room ONCE? Oh bloody hell!" His head fell back to the table.

Laughter erupted once more at the table and Lily rose from her seat. "Excuse me, boys, while I use the loo."

James watched her as she crossed the pub and disappeared from sight. He turned back to his friends.

"I talked to her dad."

Remus raised an eyebrow. Sirius stopped mid-drink while Peter furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"I asked for his blessing. You know, to marry her," he said hesitantly. "He said yeah."

His three friends were silent again and continued to stare at him.

"Isn't anyone going to say anything?" His eyes darted over his friends, dreadfully worried that his friends would be angry.

"Wow," mumbled Peter.

"Congrats, mate," chimed Remus.

James waited impatiently for Sirius to say something.

Sirius rose from his seat and lifted his glass. "Attention, attention, everyone!" he shouted, causing James to slide down his chair a bit. "Just want to let everyone know that my mate, James, finally has the woman of his dreams and that all other women in the world are now able to walk safely without him there to pester them. To James!"

"To James!" the patrons of the pub joined in.

When the voices died down, James turned to Sirius and said, "Thanks. It means a lot."

"Be happy. Be disgustingly happy for a very long time."

The two of them shared an awkward smile and went back to their drinks. A few minutes later, Lily returned and resumed her place next to James, kissing his cheek as she sat down.

"She's a looker, James!" came a shout from one of the patrons.

Lily spun around, trying to find out who shouted at her.

"What is going on?" Her eyes darted from one Marauder to the other, but no one said anything. "James?"

"Er, well, Sirius made a toast and kind of—"

"I told the bar he was in love, Evans. Anything wrong with that?" Sirius interrupted.

Even in the dim light of the pub, James could tell she was blushing; he always loved it when she did that.

"Absolutely not," she answered, kissing James deeply while their friends and the strangers around them cheered.

* * *

James' head hurt and the words on the parchment were blurry. He had a cramp in his hand and he lost all feeling in his arse about an hour ago. With a sigh, he looked up and glanced around the Great Hall. It was set up pretty much the same as when he'd taken his OWLs. His eyes stopped at his friends, all of them hunched over, shaking a leg and writing furiously. Finally, he looked up the rows to Lily. Even as she took her final exam at Hogwarts, she was still cool, calm and collected. This was the day she'd prepared so long for and all the long hours of studying would pay off in a few hours.

As he looked down at his own parchment, he scowled. He'd only written seven paragraphs about the theory behind inanimate transfiguration. He knew it, but part of him just didn't care. There was more to life than exams and theory. He was eager to put it all into practise.

He'd found out a few weeks ago that Sirius, Remus and Peter had also taken a position with the Order. Remus would be working on gathering intelligence, Sirius would be helping Lily and a few others come up with potions that could do things he only dreamed of (some of which, in the right hands, could really make for some interesting jokes). Peter, James realised, went along with it all simply because his friends did. He wasn't really skilled in any one particular area and that made James curious as to what Peter's role would be. Sighing heavily, he turned his attention back to his parchment and began hurriedly scratching down everything he could remember in the last five minutes allotted for the exam. It wasn't his best work, but it would have to do.

"Quills down! _Accio parchments_," said Professor Flitwick excitedly. The parchments flew through the air and landed neatly in a stack on the table next to the professor.

James chuckled as he remembered how, in fifth-year, the parchments flew into the little man and a couple students helped him off the floor. Students around him began to stand, gathering their things and talking excitedly. They were finished with exams and all they had to do the remaining fortnight was torture the underclassmen, drink, fuck and laze about.

"Hey, Prongs," shouted Sirius. "You're coming to the party we've got planned at the lake, aren't you? You know, the traditional seventh-year party?"

James groaned. He'd never been to one before, but the stories made it out to be one huge celebration of debauchery. In the past, he'd heard of orgies, drugs (both Muggle and wizard), skinny dipping in the Black Lake and numerous kinds of liquor and other assorted beverages. Funny, though, up until now, he was really looking forward to attending that particular party.

"Er, yeah, for a little bit, I think. I wanna spend time with Lily," James said offhandedly.

"Understandable." Sirius slapped him on the back and pushed him forward to where Lily was standing.

"How'd it go?" James asked her, putting an arm around her and kissing her softly on the cheek.

"Good, good," she answered brightly. "Are…are we going to the party tonight?" They began walking into the Entrance Hall with the crowd of students.

"For a bit."

They continued to walk in silence, hands linked, back toward the common room. However, as they were turning toward the Gryffindor portrait hole, James stopped short and pulled Lily out of the corridor and away from the crowd. His heart began racing as the outcome of his abrupt decision came to mind.

"What is it?" she asked curiously, her brows furrowed in confusion.

"I…I have a couple things I need to do before the party tonight." He began making plans internally and making up a list of things he would need. "We'll go, I promise, but I need to take care of a few things, okay?"

"Is it your mum? Is she all right?" She places a hand tenderly on his shoulder. "You can tell me."

He removed her hand and entwined his fingers with hers.

"She's fine. It's…it's a surprise, that's all. I'll see you at seven." He leaned forward and kissed her swiftly before turning around and racing up the stairs to the seventh floor. A smile broke across his face. His life was going to change tonight and he couldn't wait.

"Where are we going, James?" she asked while he tugged her by the hand up stairs and down corridors until they were on the seventh floor next to the tapestry of Barney the Barmy and his ballet-dancing trolls.

After only an hour at the end-of-the year party, James had pulled her away on the pretence that it was time for her surprise. At the time, she was rather annoyed with him, but now, she was thrilled at the prospect of being alone with him.

He dropped her hands, began pacing and muttering to himself. All of a sudden, a large door appeared where there was once a stone wall.

"What the hell?" she said incredulously, getting a chuckle from James in return.

"Language, Evans," James chided with a quick kiss. He reached for the door handle and swung it open. "Ladies first."

Her eyes widened at her first glimpse of the room. It was very large, almost cavernous, with a pair of gigantic chandeliers handing from the cathedral-like ceiling. A large fireplace took up nearly the entire wall to her right and a comfortable sofa stood in front of it along with a coffee table filled with fruits, chocolates and Butterbeer. To her left was the most romantic bed she'd ever seen with bright brass posters draped in what looked like white silk. She took a few steps toward it and reached out to touch the fabric of the curtains.

"It's fairy made. The silk," came his voice from behind her, followed by his strong arms around her waist. He nuzzled her neck, just below her ear.

"Wh—where are we?" She turned and met those eyes that could pull her in like a magnet.

"It's Hogwarts' secret room. Don't ask how I know about it." He reached out and brushed back her hair, making her shiver at his touch.

"It's beautiful," she whispered huskily. "Why is there a secret room here in the castle?" Her eyes drifted around the room, taking in every detail.

"It's not always like this," he explained. "It has different functions, based on what someone needs. Some call it the Come and Go Room, some call it the Room of Requirement, while others call it the Room of Hidden Things." He took her hand and led her away from the bed and toward the sofa. "I wanted something romantic."

Lily snorted. "You're not a romantic, my love. In fact, the only time you're even remotely romantic is when we—James, what is going on?"

"Can't get anything past you, can I? Here I thought I was being devious," he answered with a smile and pulled her down into his lap.

He leaned forward and kissed her soundly, running his tongue along her lips before she granted him entry into her mouth. Lily moaned and ran her fingers through his hair, mussing it up more than usual.

"James," she murmured as she pulled away, "you're always up to something."

"You can feel that?" he replied cheekily, earning him a swat on the shoulder. "Hey, be nice!"

"What's going on? You've been quiet all day and you're making me nervous," she told him softly, placing a hand on his cheek. "Is something wrong?"

"Not at all. I do, however, have something to talk to you about."

"Sounds serious. Do I need to get off your lap?" She wiggled her behind and made him groan at the contact.

James squeezed her tightly.

"Never. And I think this is the most serious thing I've ever thought about."

Taking her face in his hands, he looked her in the eyes, causing her to shiver again.

"Oh God, James," she whispered as an idea crossed her mind.

"I love you, Lily." She nodded in answer. "And—and I hope you love me."

"You know I do."

"I never want to be away from you ever again, even for a day." He paused and turned away, sniffing. "I had a conversation with your dad and asked him something."

Her stomach began churning as adrenaline gushed through her body, making her breathing increase. She hoped she wouldn't hyperventilate.

"You did?" Her mouth was dry and she almost felt like she would pass out. Breathe, she had to remind herself.

"I asked him if he thought I was good enough for you. And he said he'd never seen you happier."

"He's right," she answered softly. "You're amazing and you make me feel wonderfully delirious." She began playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. "I hope I make you feel the same way."

"More than you can imagine. And I want to keep making you happy, to keep telling you how much you mean to me."

He held her close as he leaned back against the cushions of the sofa, her body pressed against his. The seriousness of the moment was lost as he began stroking the sides of her body, tickling her lightly. The tickling led to slow caresses that turned rather heated quickly. Abruptly, he pulled away and took a deep breath as he looked at the floor.

"Are you alright?" Lily stroked his back, hoping to calm him down. At her touch, he turned to her; he looked green. "You don't look so good."

He jumped off the sofa and began pacing with his hands jammed inside his jeans pocket.

"No! I'm not good at all! I can't even do this right!" He leaned onto the mantle and reached for something behind a clock. "I asked your dad…I asked him if it would…I wanted him to know—Damn it!"

In three strides, he was back at the sofa, on his knees in front of her. He looked sad and lost; she couldn't help but put her hands on his cheeks and slide onto the floor next to him.

"Breathe, James. What's wrong? What did you talk to Dad about?" She was 97.9999% sure she knew what was coming.

"We talked about you. And me. Together."

"Yeah? That was nice of you," she said with a smile.

"Well, after his chat with us that first day, I thought it was rather pleasant," he deadpanned.

"True."

"So, I asked him…about this." He lifted his arm from the floor and showed her a small box.

Nothing in her wildest dreams could have prepared her for this moment. Silently, James placed it in her hand and nodded slightly, indicating that she should open it. Her heart beat wildly inside her chest and one hand went to the top while the other went to the bottom. Lily pried open the box, nearly hyperventilating again and she gasped when she saw the ring. There was a large stone surrounded by several small, pink gems. The sparkle of it took her breath away and she started shaking.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…" she repeated over and over, while James chuckled.

"I asked him if I could marry you, Lily," he said breathily. "He told me that I'd have to ask you. So here I am. Asking. Will you marry me, Lily?"

"James," she whispered, launching herself at him and fastening her mouth onto his in a deep kiss. She pulled away abruptly, realising that she hadn't answered him. "Of course I will."

"Oh, thank Merlin," he moaned and pulled her in for another kiss.

This time, it was a slow, lingering kiss that tantalized her to the core, causing the shivers to return. She would never get enough of kissing him and now, she had decades ahead of her to do just that. Their life together would be a long and happy one and she was sure that every day spent with him would be a miracle.


	10. Eternity

Changing Perceptions

_A James and Lily Fan-Fiction_

Part Eight--Eternity

_August 1978_

"Nervous?"

"Yeah. But it's a _good_ nervous, y'know?"

"No, I don't know," Sirius joked as he slapped James on the back.

"Funny, Padfoot," James answered as he rolled his eyes.

On most occasions, he would welcome, if not revel in, his best mate's sense of humour. But not today. Not on his wedding day. He took a long look at himself in the mirror and sighed heavily. He looked older than eighteen. Perhaps it was losing his father last October. Maybe it had something to do with his mother's senility and hospitalization. It could be because their wedding was several months earlier than planned because Lily's mother only had a short time to live. Or the reason could be that there was a war going on in the wizarding world and everyone was aging faster than normal. Whatever it was, he was bound and determined not to let it dampen what would no doubt be the happiest day of his life.

Smiling briefly, he turned back to Sirius and looked thoughtfully at his friend.

"Thanks, Sirius. For everything."

Simultaneously, the friends embraced each other warmly before the knock came on the door, signalling it was time for James to get married.

- - - - - - - - - -

A bead of sweat fell from his forehead onto the valley between her breasts. She hadn't stopped looking at him since he slid up her body from in between her thighs and entered her. Lily didn't know how long they lay like that, not moving, just looking into each other's eyes and breathing hard, but it was the most romantic and erotic moment of her life. They were making love as a married couple, not fumbling in his dormitory bed, trying not to wake his roommates, but legally married. It gave her a thrill that nothing else had.

"I love you," James whispered, his breath caressing her face, causing her to shiver.

"Forever, James."

Slowly, he moved his hips, sliding out of her a few inches before easing back inside her warmth. She gasped at the sensations he caused within her, meeting his next thrust with her own hips. The slow, languorous rhythm continued until she could hold back no longer and held his buttocks tightly to her, screaming his name as waves of pleasure overtook her. As the pulsations lengthened her pleasure, he joined her release, spilling himself inside her.

Without letting him move off her, she held him fast, not wanting their intimate connection broken so soon. The feel of his naked body on hers felt better than anything she could imagine. James lifted his head and smiled sheepishly at her.

"You are the best, Mrs Potter," he murmured before kissing the tip of her nose and rolling to his side, taking her along with him. He reached for her left hand and lifted it to his lips. "I'm yours." He placed a kiss on the diamond ring and gold band, which she received earlier that day.

"You've been mine for years. I just didn't—"

"Shhhh. None of that," he whispered as she reached up and caressed his cheek. "We're here now and we have the rest of our lives together. And if I have anything to say about it, it'll be a long time."

* * *

_November 1978_

James awoke to a bright light shining down on his face. He tried to move but he was bound or was a victim of petrifaction. His eyes darted around the room, hoping to find out where he was and who was holding him. Memories of the fight came back to him; if he could have bolted upright, he would have.

"LILY!" he screamed.

A laugh came from the surrounding area.

"Ah yes, the little Mudblood."

He knew that voice and it made him sick.

"Where is she, Snivelly? Let her go!" James thrashed from side to side, but the bindings, which he now saw, did nothing against his struggles.

"She ran, Potter. Ran away with all your little Phoenix friends," Snape mocked as he turned to leave the room. "They all…flew away."

"You lying bastard!"

Snape stopped and turned his head. "No. You're the blood traitor bastard. Soiling the bloodline to be with her? Not too smart, Potter."

"Like you wouldn't have done the same thing. I know how you feel about her. She told me." James' tone was soft, hoping that the change in his demeanour would buy him some extra time. "But she's happy, Severus." Saying his name made James cringe inside. "She still thinks of you as one of her greatest friends. How do you think she'd feel if you…if I—if you killed me? Do you honestly think she'd go back to you, knowing that you killed me? Come on, Sev. She's not stupid."

Snape was visibly shaken by what James had just said. His face, usually so stoic, had softened and there were creases in his brow, as if he was thinking over what James had just said.

"_Finite Incantatem_," Snape whispered before Apparating away.

* * *

_December 1978_

"Merry Christmas, love," he whispered into her ear. "Got something for you."

Lily turned around his arms and saw herself reflected in his glasses. She never looked happier, more in love than she did then. Their first months of marriage were wonderful; so was waking up with him every morning.

It was a year ago that he said the same thing to her in this same room. The two of them moved into his childhood home once they were married and decided that the 'girl room' would be a more suitable place for them. The colour was changed from lavender to a combination of blues, golds, and reds. The bed was a new one as well: a large oak sleigh bed that they found in the attic. Lily wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of living in the home, but they didn't have much to choose from. Besides, she realised, it was a large home with comfortable furnishings, and slowly, they were changing it into something that reflected them as a couple.

"I've got something for you, too," she purred in answer, opening her dressing gown to reveal her freshly showered body.

James growled and pounced on her, pressing his body into hers and kissing her hard, taking her breath away.

"Merry Christmas to me."

Presents were opened much later in the day

* * *

_February 1979_

It was, perhaps, the worst day of her life. Lily was burying her mother. She'd fought valiantly against the disease that slowly left her a shell and nothing more. The last few months were difficult, a paradox of emotions for Lily. She and James had been married for only six months and the newlywed glow was still showing brightly. However, there was the constant worry over her mother and the way her father was dealing with it.

James was wonderful. He'd been through this before when his father died and it was comforting to have him there, reassuring her that things would be all right. Eventually. He helped her father with the arrangements and let the always strong George Evans cry on his shoulder. It was amazing to the see the two of them together. They'd become very close since the wedding and it was almost as if James had his father back and her dad had a son.

James squeezed her hand and brought her out of her thoughts. She turned her head and met his loving eyes, making her smile through her tears.

"Dad looks better," he said softly.

Her father was a mess the first day or two after her mother died; he wouldn't sleep or eat and he was very despondent.

"Pepper-Up Potion. Pomfrey let me have some," Lily admitted.

"Sneaky witch," he teased. Even at a funeral, he could make her smile and forget the bleakness of the world.

She hated giving her father the potion, but seeing him so sad and lonely made her heart break, and she couldn't help but give it to him. It had helped him tremendously.

As if he knew what she was thinking, James wrapped an arm around her and held her close as they listened to the words of the eulogy.

* * *

_April 197__9_

James' stomach hurt from laughing so much and he couldn't remember the last time he actually laughed before tonight. He was lounged with Lily on Frank and Alice Longbottom's comfortable, soft sofa, a glass of cold ale in his hand.

"My mum wasn't too excited to find me covered in feathers at the time," Frank said flatly yet with a smile. "She thought a vampire'd attacked me."

"She would," James said lightly. "I hate to say it, Frank, but your mum's a bit crazy."

"James!" Lily reprimanded him. "That's not nice."

"It's okay, Lily. She is. Allie and I tease her behind her back a lot," Frank said with a smirk, pulling Alice closer to him.

"Don't drag me into that one, Longbottom. You're the one who insists that she's been sneaking Firewhisky into her tea." Alice smiled. "But she can be very sweet." The smile faded from Alice's face and she bit her lower lip.

"Something wrong, Alice?" Lily broke free of James' grasp and leaned forward to take Alice's free hand.

Alice turned to her husband, who nodded. Whatever it was, James reckoned it wouldn't be good.

"I…I had a miscarriage a couple weeks ago," she replied with a shaky voice. "But I'm fine." She brightened up and looked at Frank lovingly, almost the way James imagined he looked at Lily. "We're gonna keep trying, though. You know, for a baby."

"You think that's wise?" James blurted out. "I mean, we're at war. It could be dangerous for you. Not to mention our mission." Silence answered James and he wondered why he even said that.

Lily nudged him with her elbow and shot him a scathing look. Frank shifted uncomfortably next to Alice. However, it was Alice who smiled at him.

"James, when _is_ the right time to have a baby? When we can afford one? Some people never get to that point. When the war's over? It might be years and years. When Augusta's dead? The old bird would probably outlive me." She paused and took a breath. "We're having a baby so that we can have a little piece of eternity out there. Even if we die, our child will still have us inside him or her. We would still love our baby whether we are alive or not. And that, James, is the greatest weapon of all."

There it was again—love. Dumbledore had spoken about it when he recruited James and Lily and now Alice was bringing it up again in reference to a child yet to be conceived. Now that he was married, James thought he understood love better. But to add a child to the mix—wouldn't that just complicate things more? Wouldn't that add too much danger to an already volatile situation?

Lily's next comment surprised him.

"I think it's brilliant. I'd love to have a baby. Just don't know when."

He turned to his wife and looked at her. An image of her round with his child made his heart clench and yet, lighten. Would things work out? One never really knew, he realised. Besides, making people put their lives on hold would be another small victory for the Dark Lord. Life, even in the small package of a baby, had to go on.

"How 'bout we try tonight," he whispered into Lily's ear when he brought her back to his chest. She blushed all the way to her hair line.

_Merlin, I love her_.

* * *

_September 1979_

"I can't let you do that, James." Remus stood from the chair he was sitting in and practically ran for the fireplace. James stopped him, grabbing his arm.

"And why not?" he countered. "It's not like I don't have extra cash lying around. Besides, you're worth it."

Remus' face fell and Lily couldn't help but notice the way sadness washed across his features. She and James had invited their friend over for dinner, finding out that Remus was evicted from his flat just two days ago. They offered up Sirius' old room as well as financial help. Remus, however, was having none of it.

"No, I'm not."

At that, Lily'd had enough and shot out of her place on the sofa and stomped over toward Remus.

"That's a bunch of bullocks and you know it, Lupin!" She stabbed his chest with her index finger. "You're the smartest, most dedicated man I've ever known, save for Dumbledore, and the information you uncovered saved twenty-five lives last week. Don't you _dare_ say you're not worth it!" Her eyes began to fill with hot, angry tears. Remus had been one of her dearest friends over the years and even more so in the past two years.

Remus stared at her, his chin trembling and his eyes pleading with her to let him deny their offer. She, however, stood firm in her resolve, challenging him with her eyes. She never faltered in her gaze and knew that James was taking it all in silently.

"I…I've never been…You two…" he stammered before collapsing on the floor in a heap.

James bent down next to him, grasping Lily's hand and pulling her down next to them. She gathered Remus in her arms, wishing he would cry the tears she knew has to be building up inside him.

"Remus," James said softly, "I've always thought you were worth something from the moment I met you on the boats. I didn't back away when I discovered your secret and I'm not about to let you be homeless. Sirius wouldn't want his bikini ladies to be lonely, anyhow."

Remus snorted and Lily laughed.

"But you two…and at night…" Remus pulled away from Lily and looked away from them, clearly embarrassed at the topic.

"You don't want us to hear you shag Maeve? Is that it?" James answered with a smirk. "I thought you knew how to cast an Imperturbable, my friend."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Shut it, love. It's not like he never heard us when we were at school, you know."

James feigned shock. "You heard us…have _sex_?" He clasped his hand to his heart. "I think I may just faint from embarrassment."

"That's not what I meant," Remus answered, a smile teasing the edges of his mouth. "Lily's rather exuberant, isn't she?"

It was her turn to be embarrassed and she turned away as laughter erupted from the two men.

"So come on, Moony. Lily needs some practise mothering someone, and I don't really fit the bill." He winked at her.

"You're—Lily's…are you pregnant?" Remus blurted out.

"No!" she nearly shouted. "We're…thinking about it." She couldn't help the heated look that she gave James.

"Practise makes perfect, right?" His look was equally warm.

"I think I'll just leave you two alone for a little while so that you can practise a bit, if that's okay?" Remus stood up and walked over to the metal box that contained the Floo powder.

James snapped back to reality and looked at Remus. "Only if you come back. We want you here. Honest. My mum would want me to help you. And Thora Potter is a force to be reckoned with, right?"

Remus smiled, a real smile, at the mention of James' mother. She'd always had a soft spot for him. He was one of the few people she recognised when they went to visit her in Bristol.

"Fine. But only until I—"

"No conditions," Lily interrupted. She looked from James to Remus and placed her arms around their shoulder. "As long as you need it, we'll be here to help. We're Marauders. We stick together."

* * *

_Late October__ 1979_

"And you're sure you're alright?" James patted her down, making note of the scratches on her arms and the bruise on her cheek. They, along with Frank and Alice had just returned to Order headquarters after trapping Voldemort and six of his cronies before they Apparated away. It was the third time the foursome had nearly brought the bastard in.

"Yes, love, I'm fine," she panted, still trying to control her breathing. "You were brilliant." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him lightly on the lips.

He felt her withdraw and yanked her to him, desire mingled with adrenalin and mental exhaustion. James wanted her and he wanted her now. With a quick movement, he Apparated them into the living room of their house and quickly lowered her onto the floor. Without pretence, they tore each other's clothes off and soon were naked, lying on the floor in front of the fireplace on the white fur rug he kept from their first time.

He reached a hand down between her legs and found her wet for him. A finger slid inside her, rubbing her clit and making her squirm. He smiled as he continued to kiss her.

Their joining wasn't gentle in the least. At times like this, it was rough, fast, and hard. Their moans grew loader as the thrusts came harder and faster until she wailed out in release with him following her moments later.

James lay to her side afterwards, his hands roaming over her scratched arms, wanting to magic them away if he could; he hated seeing her hurt in any way, but with their jobs, it was a necessity.

The fire warmed them as they fell asleep in each others' arms while Nature created a miracle inside her.

* * *

_March 19__80_

Lily's eyes brimmed with tears as she watched James kneel at his mother's bedside. He held Thora's hand and stroked her wrinkled flesh with his thumb. She looked desperately thin and pale; her breathing was so slow that it was difficult to notice underneath the blankets that covered her. Monitoring spells beeped with her heartbeats, becoming slower and slower as the hours passed. They'd been in her room for nearly three hours and James hadn't once left his mother's side.

Sirius, Remus, and Peter had come and gone, none of them very good at dealing with emotions at a time such as this. They each said their goodbyes to Thora, hugged James, and kissed Lily on the cheeks. No one had dry eyes or cheeks when they had left. Right now, it was just a matter of time.

"Mummy," James whispered lightly, "go to Dad. He misses you. I'll be all right." Tears dripped onto his mother's hand and he sniffed. "I'm gonna be a daddy, remember? I have Lily and pretty soon there'll be a little piece of you and Dad for me to keep track of. You can go now. You need the rest."

Lily had to look away. The scene before her reminded her too much of when her mother died. She had been there when her own mother had passed, as had her father and Petunia. Lily knew that James would need her to be strong, as he had been for her.

A sharp, steady beep interrupted her thoughts, bringing her attention to the bed. James began sobbing and his body shook mercilessly. Orderlies rushed into the room, surrounding the bed, ready to try to resuscitate her, but James waved them off.

"No," was all he said before rising to his feet and kissing his mother on her lips for the final time.

The hospital staff silently left the room and the Healer on duty turned off the monitoring spell before leaving.

She stood from her chair and walked to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"James," she said through her tears.

He turned and looked up at her. When he stood, she wrapped her arms around him, soothing him the best he could. The hurt would never really go away, but she would help him, no matter how long it took.

* * *

_April 1980_

James carefully steadied Lily as they arrived at Professor Dumbledore's office via the Floo. Her advancing pregnancy made it dangerous for her to Apparate, and the weather was such that flying would only make her sick.

"All right there, Lily?" came a voice from the office.

Both James and Lily looked up to see Frank and Alice sitting in chairs waiting, it appeared, for the headmaster as well.

"What are you two doing here?" Lily asked as she took a seat next to Alice, eyeing her friend's expanding middle.

"Albus owled us this morning," Alice answered, "and told us to come for a meeting. I imagine it has something to do with the Order." She absently stroked her belly. "How've you been?" She nodded at Lily's own pregnant belly.

"Good, good. Can't Apparate. Healer says my blood pressure's been up and it would only go up more if I continued."

Alice nodded.

James took a place next to Lily and waited silently, twiddling his thumbs. When Dumbledore owled them earlier that morning, James had a feeling it wouldn't be good. Usually, things were discussed at meetings of the entire Order, not individual members personally.

"So, James, what do you think is going on?" Frank asked, mirroring James' thoughts.

"Dunno. But whatever it is, I don't think it's gonna be good."

"Me neither."

Lily was about to say something when the door to the office opened and Dumbledore appeared, wearing a genial smile and yet, a worried look on his face. The men began to stand, but with a raised hand, their movements were stopped. He walked over to Lily and Alice, giving each of them a peck on the cheek. James was concerned over that particular action; Dumbledore never greeted any female in that way, further worrying James. He caught Frank's eye and saw, once again, the same expression.

"Thank you for coming at such short notice," the old man said. He took a seat behind his desk and took a deep breath. "I have received some rather interesting information regarding all of you."

"What sort of information?" Frank asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

"I interviewed a candidate for the Divination position last night and unexpectedly heard a prophetic statement."

"About us?" Lily asked, looking at the other three. "They aren't completely reliable. You should know that, Professor."

He nodded and smiled crookedly. "But I believe that due to the current state of things, we cannot be too careful."

"So what did this person say?" James was sceptical as well, but if Dumbledore took the time to call them here, it must be significant.

"May I use a Pensieve? Is that permitted by your Healers?" He nodded at the women.

Lily and Alice looked at each other and nodded, standing at the same time with James and Frank following them over to the large stone basin in the corner of the room. They all watched as Dumbledore placed the tip of his wand to his temple, withdrew the silvery thread, and placed it in the basin.

"Gentlemen, please go first and assist the ladies as they emerge on the other side."

James and Frank leaned in and disappeared into the memory. James opened his eyes to see what looked like a dirty room in an inn. Before he could look around too much, Lily appeared and he placed an arm around her. Alice materialised soon after, as well as Dumbledore.

"Where are we, sir?" asked Alice, clinging to her husband's arm.

"The Hog's Head."

They watched as the Dumbledore in the memory began speaking to the witch with large glasses and wiry hair. In the middle of the interview, her eyes glazed over and her voice became raspy as she spoke.

_"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... And the Dark Lord will mark him as equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives."_ She coughed and returned to her normal self.

The memory faded and they all reappeared in the office.

James felt his stomach clench and looked at Lily; she was white as a ghost. Alice and Frank looked much the same.

"Are you saying…that our babies…?" Alice choked out, her hand in a protective gesture around her belly. She looked at Frank and began to tear up.

"Yes, Alice. One of you will bear a child who will fight and, hopefully, defeat Voldemort."

* * *

_July 1980_

It was as if she was taking a trip down a river in Egypt.

Lily Potter was deep in denial.

She'd been avoiding it all day, explaining away the pains that shot across her back and deep down into her abdomen. She chalked the indigestion she'd been feeling to something she ate at her last meal, which was, unfortunately, yesterday. Her mantra was 'One more day. One more bloody day,' which she kept muttering to herself as she paced back and forth across the sitting room floor.

But as the pain became regular, occurring every eight minutes or so, she could no longer enjoy that trip on the river, especially when she was forced to sit in the bathtub with her bottom naked and tears running down her face.

"Lil? Lil, where are you?" It was James.

She wiped her eyes with the palms of her hands and struggled to take deep breaths that didn't sound like sobs. One escaped and she heard his quickening steps across the floor. His body slid into the doorframe and when he saw her, his eyes roved over her, taking in her clenched teeth, the sweat on her brow, and the pale, yellow fluid at the bottom of the bathtub, realisation swept over his features and he grinned.

"He's coming?" James said excitedly as he kneeled next to the tub, massaging her constricting belly and marvelling at the way it shifted from side to side.

"N-no! No, she's not! She'll be born tomorrow! Not today!" she screeched back.

He continued massaging her and shook his head, clucking in amusement.

"I don't think we can make it stop, love," he reminded her.

She was about to remind him about what was exactly on her mind when another contraction hit her, making her grind her teeth and tense. If she could just be patient and strong enough, maybe she could delay things.

"Relax, Lily. You need to relax." His hands began massaging her differently now and becoming very annoying.

"If…If I relax, the baby'll come," she spat out.

"That's the point, love. I put it there and you have to get it out," he said with a smirk. It wasn't funny.

"Shut. Up! I can't let the baby come today!" she screamed through the last of the pain. The sound of her voice was foreign, sounding too much like a Banshee.

He fell silent, obviously remembering what they learned in April. Shaking his head, James merely looked up at her and took her face in his hands.

"Lily, it doesn't matter if he's born tonight, tomorrow, or next week. We're having a baby, and all he wants to do is meet his beautiful mummy. Please, relax and let him come," he pleaded. "Let me help you to the bed and then I'll call the midwife. Molly can't come since Ron is sick, remember?"

Lily nodded. It would have been nice to have Molly there, but the person she really wanted was her own mother. She began crying again as she moved to stand up in the tub.

"Mummy…"

- - - - - -

James hated seeing her like that, missing her mother as she laboured as well as being in pain. The only thing he could do was hold her hand or leave the room; she yelled at him three minutes ago, demanding that he leave the room. He paced by the door, hoping that there would be a time when she'd let him back to witness the birth.

James paused and smiled at the imminent arrival of his child. _That's an amazing thought_, he told himself, feeling warm and pleased. He still had trouble grasping the fact that he was going to be a father.

He glanced at his wrist watch again and shook his head. It was 11:25 pm on 31st July, and it really did look like she'd get her wish. He knew Lily desperately wanted the baby born in August simply because she loved that baby inside her. She never voiced those desires out right, but he knew. If she could do one thing to save their child from a destiny like the one in the prophecy, she would do it. In normal situations, one might think she was selfish. James knew better; she merely wanted a normal life for the child. Wouldn't any mother do the same?

He was startled by the bedroom door creaking open and he saw the face of Twyla Lowenstein, the apprentice midwife, standing before him.

"Mr Potter, she wants you back in here," she announced with a bit of a smile. Twyla looked almost as tired as he felt.

Without a word in answer, James entered the room, his eyes immediately drawn to Lily. She sat on the bed, supported by every pillow they could find in the house, wearing an old, white t-shirt and nothing else. Her hair, plastered with sweat, was pulled back into a ponytail and she gripped the sheets with her hands, her knuckles white.

Aurora Bettington, their midwife, sat on the end of the bed between his wife's bent legs. She, too, was sweaty as evidenced by the large, wet circles under her arms. Lily turned to him and smiled weakly.

"James," she hissed through her contraction.

He couldn't move fast enough across the floor and joined his wife on the bed, taking her hands in his.

"How's it going?" _That was a stupid question_.

"Brilliant," she groaned.

"She's doing well, James. Not much more to go," Aurora reassured him. She bent further down and lifted her head, smiling at them. "The baby's crowning."

_What does that mean? Why didn't I read the effing book?_

"On the next one, push and hold it," Twyla said as she took her place on the opposite side of the bed. "She'll help it out."

Her belly clenched again and Lily sat up, grunting as she bore down.

"Wait, wait…James, you want to see this?"

Thousands of images flashed through his mind, images of blood, fluids, his wife's body parts stretched beyond imagination…

"I…I…oh fuck."

The room went black and he fell to the floor.

* * *

_September 1980_

James sat on the edge of the bed, marvelling at the tiny smile given to him by his son. Harry was, undoubtedly, the world's most amazing baby. Every spit bubble was perfect, every burp, every snore…there was nothing that didn't amaze James. Shitty nappies. That was about the only thing, but really, no one ever thought they were good, now did they?

Harry was born at 11:38 pm on 31st July and after that, Lily didn't care what the date was once she held his squirming, red body in her arms. Her eyes melted and her face relaxed as she fell in love with their son. James was out for all of forty-five seconds and came to in order to see Harry enter the world in a bellow of screams, ready to take it on.

James jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned his head to find Lily smiling down at him.

"You're gonna scare him if you stare at him so much," she teased. "Everyone's here."

Today was Harry's christening day.

"And you're sure that all this is okay?"

"Love, of course it is. Sirius is a brother to you and there's no one else I can imagine loving him as much as we do." She reached out and stroked Harry's head full of hair. "Didn't you see him with Harry last night?"

It was a heart-warming scene the previous night when Sirius held the boy for the first time, since he'd been out of the country on Order business in July and most of August. Of course, there were protests that he'd drop the baby, but once Sirius got comfortable, there was no mistaking the instant bond between them. The godfather promised Harry that there would be plenty of time for them to get into trouble together and that he would be the one to buy the first broom for Harry's first birthday.

Lily was right, James mused. Sirius would do anything for the little tyke.

They'd be counting on it.

* * *

_December 1980_

"And here's another one for Harry," James repeated for the eighth time, placing the box dramatically on the floor in front of the five-month-old.

"James, he doesn't understand what Christmas is," Lily reminded him. "Who's this one from?" She giggled as James tore into the gift to reveal a little purple and white bear, which took her by surprise. "Babeetabee!" she squealed, rushing to Harry's side, startling him, but not enough to make him cry. She took the bear from the floor and gave it a good squeeze, causing it squeak.

"I take it you're familiar with the bear?" James teased, a sparkle in his eye.

"Did you have something to do with this?" Her heart sped up as she scooted closer to him, bringing her body up against hers.

Lily looked again at the bear in her hand. It was one of her favourite toys when she was young and kept it on her dresser up until the time she left for Hogwarts. She had packed all her things away, convincing herself that witches didn't like having their baby toys around. Lily hadn't had time to dig through her things before the wedding and had regretted it once Harry came along.

"Your dad wrote to me, asking if he could give it to Harry," James answered warmly. "He remembered how much you liked it."

"Look, Harry. This is Babeetabee. He likes to sing," she said, introducing her son to the toy.

As she gave it another squeeze, Harry blew a raspberry followed by a spit bubble, signalling his enjoyment. Lily looked at James as he took a picture of their son. This was going to be the first of many joyous Christmases.

* * *

_February__ 1981_

James looked around the living room of the cottage, feeling depressed and alone. He'd never lived in such a small space before. This place, this so-called haven, consisted of merely three bedrooms, a kitchen, a living room, and one bathroom. Hell, their old summer place was bigger than this. He felt like he was in prison. He growled as he sat on the lumpy sofa, settling his head on the back cushions, going over the circumstances that brought him here.

There was a spy in the Order. That was all the note from Dumbledore had said, and the next thing James knew, he, Lily, and Harry were shuffled to this crummy place in Godric's Hollow while Frank and Alice and their son were sent somewhere along the coast in Dover. Deep down, he hoped that Frank was in a little hovel with a leaky roof. It was absurd but it was the only hopeful thought he could have.

"James," came Lily's whisper.

He hadn't heard her enter the room, something he needed to improve on; he couldn't be surprised like that anymore. He turned toward her voice and smiled weakly.

"Hey," he answered. "He asleep?" Harry was fussy from the sudden move and very cranky.

She plopped herself down on the sofa next to him, snuggling up next to him.

"Finally. He's just scared," she said into his shoulder as he put his arm around her. "It all happened so fast."

"I'm gonna go crazy here, Lil." He turned and met her eyes, which were sparkly from tears he knew she must have shed. Looking at her like that, he wished he could take back those words. "I'm sorry."

She turned away from him, clenching her jaw. "I'm going to bed."

He watched her rise from the sofa, head up the stairs, and disappear from his sight.

"I'm a fucking bastard," he hissed.

- - - - - - - -

Lily threw herself onto the bed, her eyes stinging with tears over James' selfish attitude. Didn't he think she'd go insane as well? He could transform into another creature, and all she could do was be his son's diary cow. Yeah, that was fair.

Couldn't he think about what she was feeling? Her father had no idea where she was or if she was ever coming back. She would never know her nephew, although she wasn't sure she wanted to, nor would she find out if her father was taking his heart medication or not. James' parents were gone and he had no siblings, but things were different for her. She still had people out there whom she cared about but whom she could never see while she was here.

She rolled over onto her back and looked at the ceiling, following the cracks in the plaster, hoping that the material wouldn't fall on them one night as the slept. She heard his footfalls before he said anything.

"I'm sorry, Lils." He crossed to the bed and she felt his weight settle onto the mattress as he sat, idly stroking her leg. "I forgot that this had to be harder on you."

She shot up into a sitting position and glared at him. "You _**forgot**_? How the bloody hell can you forget that I still have family that I care about? Stop being so fucking selfish, James!"

She turned to roll off the bed, but he grabbed her forearm and pulled her to him, crushing her breasts against his chest. On instinct, she locked her eyes with his, like she had so many other times when actions like this were merely considered foreplay.

"I hate that I'm such a selfish blighter. I hate that we're stuck here for Merlin knows how long and I hate that we can't see our friends or family. But I also hate that I made you cry." He took a deep breath. "Seeing you cry makes me weak in the knees and I can't stand the way that makes me feel."

She continued to stare at him, watching his eyes dart back and forth as he looked at her. They had turned a light brown, which they often did when he was emotional; however, she couldn't tell what exactly he was feeling at the moment, which was rather disconcerting.

"It's all right, really," she tried to reassure him. "I just would have liked a little bit more sympathy from you." She ran a hand through his uncooperative hair. "I'm worried, too. But we can't let Harry cotton on. He picks up on everything."

He nodded. "I really am sorry. Is there any way to make it up to you?" His eyes began to twinkle and turned a golden brown. He was feeling amorous.

"James…come on. We just had a fight."

"Exactly." He leaned in and kissed her, easing the pain in her heart, if only for a few, glorious moments.

* * *

_May 1981_

Lily crossed the room to answer the door, peeking out the window to the left, smiling upon seeing Dumbledore and Bathilda.

"It's good to see you!" she said cheerily, embracing first the old woman and then her former professor. They'd had so few visitors lately that the appearance of anyone was cause for celebration. "Come in! I've just started a pot of tea."

She led them into the living room, seating Dumbledore in the armchair and Bathilda on the sofa. Since moving in, James managed to gather more furniture and scrounged up some drapes, rugs and a few mismatched end tables. Nothing in the place matched, but somehow, it made things much more comfortable here.

"Lily, where is that beautiful boy?" Bathilda asked anxiously. "He's almost walking, isn't he?" Her ancient eyes lit up whenever she saw or spoke of Harry.

"He's trying but not quite managed more than two wobbly steps," Lily chuckled in answer, flicking her wand at a stack of new pictures and floating them over to her guests. "James wants to get him a broom, but I'm putting my foot down about that."

"He's always been a bit reckless, hasn't he, Lily?" Dumbledore said. "Although I fear that recklessness has been showing up lately?"

Trust Dumbledore to jump right into the real reason behind the visit, Lily mused.

Nodding, she explained, "He's feeling like a caged animal, Albus. He goes out with his Invisibility Cloak—"

"Pardon me?" Dumbledore interrupted uncharacteristically. "An—an Invisibility Cloak?" A strange gleam in the man's blue eyes reminded her of a conversation at Slughorn's Christmas party. For all of Dumbledore's knowledge and insight, he was still one strange, strange man.

"Yes. He's had it for ages. It's been in his family for generations," she informed him.

"Oh, look at the hair!" Bathilda squealed, oblivious to the conversation going on around her.

"And he's been using it to go out?" asked the professor.

"Well, only occasionally. He transfor—er, he finds other ways to sneak out, too." She could have kicked herself for almost revealing her husband's secret.

"I see," Dumbledore stated flatly in the tone of voice that chilled her to the bone. "Is James here? I'd like to speak with him." He rose before she could answer.

"He's upstairs writing a letter to Sirius." She rose and began to show him the way.

"No need to show me the way, Lily. This used to be my home."

Lily's mouth dropped as she watched him climb the stairs, almost floating.

"His family moved here shortly before Albus started Hogwarts. My word, that was over a hundred years ago," Bathilda mused. "I tried to get to know his mother, but Kendra, that was her name, was rather standoffish. And well, Aberforth, you know him…he was a bit odd, even before he was ten. And then there was Ariana."

"Ariana?"

"His sister. Didn't he ever tell you about his sister? Well, not that I'm surprised, but I would have thought—she just wasn't well. Her magic was out of control and it ended up killing her in the end. Gellert left the next day, and I don't think that Albus ever got over losing both of them at the same time." Bathilda returned to looking at the photographs.

Again, Lily's mouth dropped.

"Gellert? What—who?" she stammered, causing the woman to look at her again.

"My nephew, Gellert Grindelwald. Oh, don't worry, dear," Bathilda chided, "he wasn't always as bad as people made him out to be."

"Not as bad? And Albus was his friend?" This had to be a lie. There was no way that Dumbledore would have associated with the man.

"More than his friend, Lily." Bathilda raised a gray eyebrow. "They were…_close_."

Lily was just about to say something when footsteps on the stairs drew her attention away from the conversation. James and Dumbledore descended the stairs, the Invisibility Cloak in the old man's hands.

"You—why does he have your cloak?" Lily asked bluntly. When James looked up, he shook his head slightly.

"Research. I've heard so much about these," explained Dumbledore. "It is so very rare to see one in such fine condition. They usually wear out after a time."

Silence followed the words and Lily made a mental note to add that to the list of things about Dumbledore that needed a lot more explaining.

* * *

_Mid July__ 1981_

James sat nervously, his leg bouncing up and down, almost as if he had to pee badly. He glanced around the room again, his eyes finally falling on Harry who was seated on Dumbledore's lap and playing with the old man's beard. If Dumbledore was to be believed, which he usually was, Voldemort was ready to strike and soon. But uncertainty was not something James enjoyed experiencing and it made his stomach churn.

He was drawn out of his thoughts by the Floo springing to life, revealing Sirius with Peter in tow. James smiled at his friends' appearance.

"Would you stop fidgeting, Wormtail!" Sirius bellowed with a smile. "You're not the one who's gonna be locked up in your own house!"

"Shut up, Sirius," James said with irritation. He'd been feeling extremely on edge ever since Dumbledore suggested the Fidelius Charm. His fear hadn't been expressed to anyone other than Lily, and Sirius' cavalier attitude was something that didn't make things any easier. Half the time, he felt like exploding whenever someone looked at him the wrong way and he hated feeling like this: weak and vulnerable.

Sirius' face sobered and his expression changed. "Sorry, mate."

"Is Lily ready, James?" asked Dumbledore as he set Harry down, watching with amusement as the little boy teetered for a moment on his feet before swaying and tumbling to the floor.

"Yeah. She just wants to finish up the letter to her dad."

When he, Lily, Sirius, and Dumbledore had finally agreed that Peter would be Secret-Keeper, she immediately went to their room and began writing a letter to her father. She knew she wasn't able to tell him everything that was going on but she wanted to prepare him for what could happen. As she did that, Sirius went off to get Peter while James and Dumbledore went about rewriting wills and drawing up guardianship papers. It was a sobering task but a necessary one.

"I understand," the old man said quietly, watching Harry pull himself up on his knees and stand again.

Peter and Sirius sat down in chairs, both of them silent and nervous-looking. James stood to go and get Lily when she walked into the room, her face tear-stained.

"Mumma," Harry said brightly, oblivious to the tension and anxiety in the room. He took three tentative steps toward his mother before toppling down again. Harry looked at the adults to gauge their expression. Upon finding no one coming to his aid, he must have thought he was fine and proceeded to crawl over to his mother. "Mumma."

Lily sniffed and knelt down beside him, lifting him into her arms and kissing his unruly hair. James chuckled as he thought about all the trouble that the boy was going to have with his hair in the future. He had enough experience trying to control it, vowing to teach Harry how to love his hair if only to appreciate the way it could drive the females crazy with lust.

"Ready?" Lily asked him when she stopped at his side.

James put an arm around her waist and kissed her hair. "Yeah." He turned to Dumbledore and the others, who now stood in front of them. Sirius looked tense and Peter looked as if he were ready to piss his pants. Dumbledore, of course, was calm, in an unnerving sort of way.

Lily turned to him and whispered, "I'm scared, James."

He squeezed her tightly, hoping to reassure her. He placed a finger under her chin and raised it before kissing her softly.

"It's alright. I trust Peter."

Together, they turned toward the others, ready to perform the charm that would protect them from Voldemort.


End file.
